


I Can't Get Started

by LuytensStar



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst and Humor, Art???, Domestic Violence, Explicit Language, How do I tag?, I'm back on my bullshit again everyone, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Love me some crack ships tho, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, what am I even doing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-26 00:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 60,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14389869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuytensStar/pseuds/LuytensStar
Summary: This is a story about Hidan struggeling to manage life as a young adult, which is quite hard when you get kicked out of every job you take. His friends show support, but nobody can help you if you don't really want to help yourself. And in fact, Hidan stopped caring a long time ago, until certain events throw him back into his past and for the first time, he actually has to deal with it. Not only for his own sake, but also for a new friend who carries way more baggage than he lets on.





	1. I Remember You Well

„You've got to be kidding me. Are you serious right now? Are you _serious_?“

„Listen, I told you I had no idea she was his girlfriend! She told me she was single!“

A strained sigh could be heard from the other end of the line. Hidan put his phone between his chin and shoulder as he searched for his lighter, which he accidentally dropped under the seat of his car. Unlit cigarette in his mouth, he kicked some plastic bottles aside, almost hitting his head on the steering wheel in the process of bending down to get a better view of the floor. „You've seen her before. You even talked to your boss about her, remember? He showed you a _picture_.“

Hidan rolled his eyes and stopped his adventurous search for the lighter. „It wasn't really what I would consider a talk. I don't recall what he was fucking swooning about anyway. I didn't say a single word about this girl, nor did I look at the picture. I just played pretend to not get fired.“

Konan groaned. „Well, now you were!"

„Whatever, that job sucked anyways.“

Hidan managed to pull the lighter out of the depths of trash scattered across his entire car. „Ha! Got you, you little fucker!“ He lit his smoke with a statisfied grin and got a hold of his phone again. „Hidan, focus! This is not the time for joking around. How are you gonna pay rent? Or anything, for that matter?“

He shrugged, even though Konan couldn't see it. „Relax, bro, everything is going to be fine. Trust me, I know what I'm doing. Just a couple of days for him to calm down and I'll be back in this stupid factory in no time.“ He leaned back into the seat and partly opened the front window,so the smoke form his cigarette could escape into the chilly autumn air. Hidan took a deep drag and considered his options. Waiting for his – now former – boss to get over the fact that one of his employees had sex with his girlfriend would probably take some time. In the meantime he needed something to keep him busy and his wallet only almost empty.

„Don't call me 'bro'. Why did you call me anyways? Its not like I can magically fix this for you. And even if I could, I probably wouldn't do it.“ Konans voice already had some annoyance in it, but Hidan knew her long enough to know that her 'putting-up-with-Hidans-shit-bar' wasn't full yet. „Okay okay, I get it, no more 'bros' for you. But we are friends, right?“

She sighed. „I don't know. Are we? At this point, I just feel like I'm your older sister. Or your mother.“ Hidan cringed. „Ew, stop making this weird. Listen, _friend_ , who is _not_ my acutal mother“, he threw the cigarette butt out of the window and pulled it back up. He shivered slightly in his thin, old leather jacket. „I know I kind of fucked up last time. But I've gotten better since that, and you know it, sooo...“

Hidan went silent for a minute and bit his lip. The next few sentences hat to be crafted in a very careful manner if he wanted to convince Konan to take him back. „How about you rehire me at your shop, I promi-“

„ _No_.“

„Aw come on, please! don't you recall all the good times we had working together?“

„I also recall when you showed up drunk and late at least three times a week. Or that time you picked a fight with a custumer and he almost sued our asses to death? Or the burning curtain? Or-“ Hidan winced at the memory and decided to leave the parking spot he was currenty occupying. Konan was still complaining about all the things that had happened, but as soon as he started the engine the loud, familiar screech of his Jeep made it even easier for him to ignore her. Not that he didn't care about Konan or her opinions, it was just that .. well. Remembering all the shitty stuff was one thing, but having an acutal _person_ tell you how bad you fucked up made everything ten times worse. And Hidan didn't want to remember.

„So, is that a yes?“

Konan groaned again. „Fine. If you don't get your sorry ass here in 20 minutes I will personally strangle you with my belt.“

„Kinky.“

„Less talking, more driving!“

Hidan hung up and put his phone in his pocket, taking a quick glance at the time before heading to the gift shop with a big grin. What the hell would he do without Konan?

 

 

The _White Rose_ looked even more astonishing and inviting in person. Konan really outdid herself, designing the new front and interior of the shop, picking the colors and making sure everything was in her personal style; it only showed how important it was to her. Hidan briefly recalled being sent silly 'work in progress' pictures from her via Messanger, which included a shot of Yahiko neeling over desk building instruction papers with a rather confused face, unknowingly showing off his ass crack. Konan censored it with a pink heart emoji. And not only did she send it to all her other friends as well, she even used that picture as her computer screen background and was probably still using it as some sort of blackmail.

„You better bring me flowers next time you show up here!“ Konan exclaimed and retuned the hug Hidan pulled her into. He laughs, scratching the back of his head. „Next time? Does that mean I'm hired?“ She pursed her lips. „Maybe if you keep up being on time like that, I'll think about it. I didn't have to take my belt off so thats a plus.“

„Tease.“

„Stop pouting and come in already! You haven't been here since I kicked your ass out in March. What do you think of the new _Rosie_?“

She took a step aside so Hidan could enter the shop. He looked around, impressed by the new design and decoration. It also wasn't as crammed and dark as it used to be, the white walls against the lavender colored shelves had a weirdly soothing effect. And of course, there were potted white roses on the two window ledges, surrounded by complicated looking origami figures.

„Holy fuck. Is this really the same place I used to work at or are you just trolling me?“

„Well, after that incident with the burning curtain I decided to get rid of them. I actually kind of have a curtain phobia now because of you.“

„It wasn't that bad.“

„Oh, really.“ , Konan deadpanned. „Was it though?“

„Aaanyways, how's the shop doing now? I bet you got a lot of fucking compliments from the customers, huh?“ She smiled at Hidans pitiful attempt to change the topic. „They acutally did. I'm really happy with the outcome.“, she answered, turning the _We're open!_ sign around. „Want to grab some coffee? I'm closing the shop for lunch break.“

„Wow, for me? I am impressed. Should your boyfriend be worried?“, Hidan asked with a shit-eating grin. Konan rolled her eyes and lightly smacked his left arm. „Yahiko is going to be fine, he has nothing to worry about. Besides, I close for lunch every day, so don't even start imagining things!“, she scoffed. „I'm gonna get my coat real quick, so you better not touch anything!“

She gave him a warning glare before she went upstairs and disappeared. Hidan leaned against the counter his friend sat at every day, selling all kinds of cards, writing utensils, colorful wrappings, chocolates, tea supplies and expensive, pretty origami folding paper in diffrent colors; some of them even came along with thier own practise book. He remembered accidentally dropping a whole new package of origami paper that just got delivered. It was in January, freezing cold and muddy streets. He had just picked up the package from the post office, but dropped it four times on the way back to the shop(three of those times he also fell face forward into the snow), soaking not only the cartboard but also the paper inside in the process. Konan scolded him of course, and usually it was just anger that bursted out of her, but that time it was also a little bit of hidden sadness. That was the first time Hidan realized how much he was acutally fucking up thier friendship. And he still felt guilty about it, but he was never that good at explaining feelings or apologizing. So instead, he offered to pay for the next stack of paper. Konan was thankful, but there was still a nagging feeling, telling him that it was by far not enough. That there were things he could possibly never make up for.

Hidan was actually subconsciously reaching towards the papers to touch them, only to suffer a literal heart attack as Konan came back downstairs and yelled: „Take your dirty fingers off my stuff!“

Before he could even come back with a smug reply, he was already being pulled outside of the building. „I can't believe I'm doing this..“ she muttered. „Doing what? Yelling at your friend and kicking him out of your store?“

„You deserved that.“

„Well fuck you too! Here I am, thinking that you actually cared for me!“

Konan rolled her eyes at the remark. „Come on you idiot, we've got places to be and coffee to drink!“

 

The expression on Konans face was amazing. Eyebrows raised higher than the highest building in the whole Ame district, her lips pursed and those judging amber eyes looking down on Hidan as if he was a child who just accidentally broke something and was now trying to get away with it. Which, well, was basically happening.

 

„...So, I was already piss drunk when I met her. You should've seen her cleavage, those-“

„I didn't ask for your perverted details.", Konan interrupted him. "Then what happened?“

Hidan shrugged. „We left the bar, she took me to her apartment and we fucked. It was pretty intense, I found out she was a screamer and-“

„Oh god.“ Konan set her coffee cup down and rubbed her forhead with her fingertips. „Again. Did not ask.“

„Just let me finish, sheesh!“

„Fine. But no more detailed description of your sex life. How did your boss find out?“ She brushed a few strands of her hair behind her ear and crossed her arms. „You surely weren't so kind to tell him the truth, were you?“

„Are you crazy? _Tell_ him?! How in the hell was I supposed to do that? Just call him right afterwards and say: 'Hey Mr. Wan, I just fucked your girl and oh by the way, can I have a raise?'“

Konan laughed and almost spilled her coffee all over the table. „Well yeah, why not? At least that would have proven that you actually have balls!“

„Hey, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?!“

They've been sitting in a small café for almost half an hour, talking back and forth about thier lives, ups, downs and the in-betweens. Hidan was a little bit reluctant to admit it, but he really missed haning out with Konan. The haven't seen each other in person for months now, so looking at a familiar face that he didn't lowkey hate was a pleasant change. He always tried to make it on his own and didn't like being dependent on someones comfort. But it was diffrent with Konan. Of course, his reckless behavior put a strain on thier relationship, not to mention the day she kicked him out at the beginning of March. And it was probably for the best, even though he was extremely sulky at first. It took him a couple of weeks to realize that he wasn't exaclty a marvellous addition to the 'White Rose' and that he should just stop interfering with her life. But despite all she never wanted to give up thier friendship. She even apologized for firing him. What a woman.

„...Anyways, I left the house as soon as I woke up. Still didn't know who she was. Not that I really cared and she wasn't there either way. I was on my way home when suddenly Mr. Wan called, and as soon as I picked up the phone he started yelling some shit at me I couldn't even comprehend. So yeah, thats how I got fired.“ Konan shook her head in disbelief. „How do you always manage to get into so much trouble? I mean, yeah, I don't know you any other way, but damn..“ She grinned. „Yahiko even asked me how you are still alive today.“

„Makes me immortal, huh? Pretty sweet, I always wanted to have a flying car or some shit.“

They finished thier coffee and returned back to the shop. It was only a short walk to the café and Konan was already a well known guest, often recieving a free cookie and a soft smile from the owner; an old, friendly man with a thick, indistinguishable accent. Konan told him on thier way home how the café only recently opened its doors and how thankful she was for not having to get coffee at the nearby gas station anymore. Hidan listened carefully, or at least tried, but his inner thoughts became more and more present, making it hard for him to focus on the conversation. There was one particular thought that made his stomach drop and he didn't even have anything to debunk it as wrong or just a mere intrusive tought.

_She seems better off without you._

„Okay, so you start on Monday, right? No oversleeping or drunken stupors, are we clear? If you don't fuck up I'll let you sign the contract.“

„Get incredibly hammered and set something on fire? Got it, Konan. Won't disappoint you this time!“ She laughed and smacked his back. „I'm serious. Poor Yahiko is gonna be worried sick.“ Hidan raised an eyebrow. „Oh, really? Well he doesn't have to, I have full control over myself now, no more thorwing up into flower pots or shit like that.“

„No, not about you, idiot, about me! His girlfriend!“ They stepped outside of the shop, joking around and laughing. Hidan hoped that it would just stay this way, that the would hug goodbye and he would leave. But Konan has never been the type of woman who was afraid to ask the important questions. Or the dark ones.

„How's your mom doing?“

Bam. There it was. He cringed at the question, his insides feeling like they were smushed by a hydraulic press. „Uh, well ..“ He swallowed hard and scratched the back of his neck. _Just say something_ , his inner voice yelled. _Say anything, you look like a dumbass right now_.

„Pretty fine I guess.“, he slowly responded. „Haven't been around her much but it seems like shes doing well.“ Konan gave him a stern look. She called bullshit right away, but Hidan wasn't in the mood for this talk. He didn't want to talk to anybody about this. Because there was nothing more that he hated and was trying to avoid like the plague: symphatetic looks. The whole _Oh, she still isn't working? What has your mother been doing then?_ and other stupid questions that he didn't want to answer. „Anyways, I gotta go, Konan. I really have to get my jeep checked. And uh, some other stuff I need to take care of, so ..“

That was just a balant lie. He trailed off, avoiding his friends knowing gaze. God, he really didn't need this right now. And as soon as he thought that there was no way this could get any worse, there was a soft hand touching his arm and worried eyes searching for his. „Hey, if you need anything, just text me, yeah?“

Hidan really hated this. He hated the slight switch of tone in Konans voice, the hand on his arm burned like somenody was pouring hot lava over it. Everything was fine before. But she had to go ahead and ruin the mood. He felt like every cell in his body was screaming _ju_ _st leave already!!!_ so thats what he did. He pulled his arm away from her and got into his car, putting a cigarette in his mouth and lighting it. „I really gotta go.“ he murmured.

„...Alright. Take care.“

As soon as Konan spoke these words, he started the engine, the loud howl of his jeep echoing through the rather calm streets, and the car took off in the speed of light.

 

After he left the shop Hidan just continued driving through the many city districts, without any actual idea where he was going. After almost three hours of pointless speeding back and forth he bought a pack of beer at a gas station far out of town and emptied all 6 cans in roughly 15 minutes, letting his mind race without any comprehension of what was going on, until the alcohol kicked in. He didn't really feel drunk, but there was a pleasant buzz slowly creeping up. Toying with the phone in his hand, he thought about texting Konan and telling her that he was sorry for just fucking off earlier. Or for ruining her package. Or ruining her shop. Staring at the screen with mixed feelings for what felt like decades, he finally threw it on the passenger seat next to him and leaned his head back, runnig a hand through his hair. This whiny, pathetic part of him was really disgusting.

Suddenly there was a lanky boy wearing a cap with the gas stations logo on it, carefully knocking against his window. Hidan jolted up like he just had been struck by lightning and his first thought was to tell the guy to get lost. He rolled down his window and gave him a _what the hell do you want?_ kind of look. „Uh, are you okay, Mister? Should I call an ambulance?“

'Mister?' , he thought to himself. 'Do I really look that fucking old?' „Uh, nah, 'mfine..“ , Hidan murmured and rubbed his eyes. How much time had passed? Did he really almost fall asleep at a gas station? Great, just great.

„A-are you sure? You looked like you were dead, thats why I came up here to check on you ...“ The boy adjusted his cap. „Are you going to drive in this condition..?“

Oh god. He really did not have the patience for this. Time? He had plenty of time. But if that dorky looking employee asked him one more question he would actually lose it. „Listen, frist of all I need you to wear your goddamn glasses more often, because I'm by far not as old as you think I am.." Hidan began. „And second of all, yeah, I'm going to get the hell out of here!"

The gas station employee looked baffeld and took a few steps back, scratching the back of his head as he watched the black, rusty jeep take off into the night.

 

Just driving by a fast food restaurant was impossible for Hidan, so naturally he made a u-turn in the middle of the street and ordered food in the drive-thru. After that he just hung out at the parking lot, browsing social media he couldn't care less about and slowly chewing on his burger. Then he tossed the greasy McDonalds bag into the garbage bin and left the parking lot. It was late by now, his phone displaying 12:30 am. There were also a couple of texts from Deidara, pestering him about some stupid argument he had with his stupid friend again, asking him for 'moral support'. At first, Hidan didn't feel like responding at all, knowing that once he engaged into the discussion, Deidara wouldn't let him off the hook for hours. But as soon as he parked his car and stared at the front door of his house with a sinking feeling, he decieded to stay put just a little longer.

**'What the hell u want this time'**

**'Wow, smooth as always ;-) have you been drinking again?'**

**'fuck you, want my help or not'**

**'Ok so listen up'**

**'Sorry cant hear u gtg bye'**

**'Hidan!!! this is important'**

**'uuuuuuuugh just tell him i said yes to everything u said'**

**'that's not how it works at all you jackass'**

Hidan groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. This was gonna be a long one.

**'u just want me to type it out so you can show him and boost your fucking ego'**

**'exactly ;-)))))) you know me too well, a true friend <3'**

He rolled his eyes. Will there ever be the time when Deidara would stop sarcastingly using those ugly ass heart emojis? Hidan doubted that he would be still alive to witness that.

He observed his surroundings with narrowed eyes. Her car was there, smushed between an old Mustang and a Smart. But the lights in the small apartment were out and he couldn't locate the familiar flicker of the TV from the living room window. Maybe she was already in bed. It was late after all.

**'so in my humble opinion, art is like a huge explosion, a wild rush of emotions that forms a hurricane of colors shining brighter than the sun, engulfing your entire being with its stirring beauty, before bursting and dissapearing in the blink of an eye.'**

**'i have no idea what u just said but yeah cheers mate I'll drink to that'**

**'shut your trap you agree with me or not**

**dont you dare to reply with no hidan you know goddamn well I am right'**

**'you should cross that ''humble'' gaylord'**

**'Wow ure sweet as a peach today arent you**

**By the way Sas is making fun of me now thanks to your stupid ass'**

**'ur welcome'**

Hidan pocketed his phone and got out of the car. It was really starting to get cold and this conversation with Deidara was leading nowhere. There was no way around it, he couldn't just hang around in his jeep the whole night like an idiot. He pulled the key out of his jacket and hesitantly entered the apartment, the screetch of rusty door hinges sounding oddly loud and discomforting. He took a step inside and switched the lights on (thank _god_ he managed to pay the power bills on time). It was quiet, and if she was still asleep somewhere, Hidan really didn't want to wake her up. He tiptoed into his room, locking the door behind him just to be safe and crashed on his bed without even considering to change clothes. He looked at his phone one more time, only to be greeted with angry texts from Deidara and one from Konan.

**'f u and dont call me gaylord I am offended!**

**So you do agree with me right?**

**Hello???**

**always the same with you critics, go die in a hole'**

Hidan typed a quick reply before opening Konans message.

**' Gonna go to bed have fun with that hissy fit of urs'**

While Deidaras texts usually gave him a headache, Konans always kind of managed to cheer him up. He barely managed to type out a decent answer before closing his eyes and drifting off into a dreamless sleep.

**'Don't forget to be on time on monday! :-p also I had a lot of fun w you today :-) don't make me regret rehiring your ass'**

**'sur thing goodnight'**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the first chapter of my fic!  
> I really hope you enjoyed it and if not, feel free to comment on it, I'm always open for constructive criticism. English is not my first language so if you see any mistakes, they are all my own since I don't have a beta reader.  
> Until the next one!


	2. Where did our love go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings for mention of domestic violence

The coffee tasted way too bitter and there was no more milk in the fridge for his cornflakes, so Hidan decided to eat them straight out of the box while zapping through the channels on TV, spread out on the sofa in his pajama pants. The cornflakes were too dry, hard and probably way past thier expiry date. He kept stuffing them in his mouth anyways because he was hungry, only to deeply regret it due to thier disgusting taste. _If old people had a taste, thats what they would taste like_ , he thought to himself. Hidan begrudgingly downed his coffee with a scrunched up face to get rid of that unfortunate expierience and placed the empty mug on the floor. Sadly, breakfast was not the only thing that was disappointing.

He skipped the news (because who in the world actually cared anymore?) and got stuck on a re-run of a F.R.I.E.N.D.S episode but got bored pretty quickly because he tuned in mid-episode and therefore didn't get the plot. So he just kept zapping until he was revisiting the first channel again. There was nothing that could really catch his interest, so he absently stared at the bright screen for a few minutes before turning it off.

There were a couple of new messages and one missed call from an unknown number on his phone, but it probably was just Deirara lamenting about losing that stupid argument. Or bragging about winning it. Hidan opened his Messanger to, of course, several spam from Deidara; pictures of his recent creations of play-doh animals (it was actually clay but who could miss out on such a good opportunity to fuck with thier friend?), some weird texts about art he really couldn't understand, stupid bionicle memes from 4chan and other stuff he skipped because it appearently was 'artist humor' or whatever. The last message just read 'Wake up bitch' and was sent half an hour ago. Hidan typed back with a grin.

 

_**'Wake up bitch'** _

 

_**'It's 10:30 what the hell do u want'** _

 

Deidara replied in the speed of light.

 

_**'nothing, just checking on my friend like an actual decent person??** _

_**Also I'm at uni right now its sooo boring** _

_**entertain me'** _

 

_**'Is every of u damn artists so fake and demanding? do i look like the muppet show'** _

 

_**'yes, yes and YES'** _

 

_**'fuck you'** _

 

Deidaras next reply took some time and Hidan felt stupid just sitting on the sofa staring at the screen like a lovestruck schoolgirl. He started pacing around the apartment, taking a look into each room just to make sure he really was alone and his mother was not lying around dead somewhere or hiding in the wardrobe of her bedroom, attempting to murder him. When Hidan woke up in the morning, he stayed in bed for at least 45 minutes, listening to the silence of the house and his loud, beating heart, waiting for his mom to make a noise like rampaging in the kitchen or the sound of her hairdryer. But everything stayed silent so he managed to get out of bed and into the bathroom, still a little bit on the edge and unable to shake the feeling of uneasiness.

 

_**'a bottle of xanax pills is more entertaining than my prof'** _

_**'to be fair its really hard to meet ur fucking skyrocket high expectations narzisso'** _

 

_**'you genuinely still know who that is???'** _

 

_**'I know way too much about him thanks to u and ur powerpoint presentation u made me rewatch 30 times'** _

 

_**'aw comon you had fun :-))** _

_**and it was for class it had to be perfect!!'** _

 

_**'no i fuckin didnt i went trough all 7 stages of grief or some shit'** _

 

_**'Hidan there are only 5 not 7'** _

 

_**'ur ugly ass presentation added 2'** _

 

_**'Wow rude what got stuck up your ass today??** _

_**by the way, at least I didnt get fired yesterday........ :-D'** _

 

Hidan raised his eyebrows and scratched the back of his head. How did he know that already? He and Deidara barely texted the whole day because there was so much to do at his uncles' pottery. And Hidan himself was busy getting wasted and fucking not-so-single-even-though-they-said-so chicks he met at a random bar.

 

_**'who told u???'** _

 

_**'Konan :-) dont fuck it up with her this time tho** _

_**pain will kill u** _

_**also tobi is still lowkey traumatized form last time so pleeeease dont take it too far or I'll have to drive him to a mental hospital'** _

 

_**'i thought u didnt care about that dope'** _

 

_**'I dont!!!! Anyways hidan I need a favour'** _

 

_**'yeah sure u dont** _

_**Is it a bj again? Because you tried to pull that one off already and my answer is still no'  
** _

 

_**'No not that one jesus christ what do you think of me??'** _

 

_**'not much tbh'** _

 

_**'love u too you tit** _

_**can you come to uni on tuesday at 4?'** _

 

_Oh god._ Going to art school has always been dreadful. He didn't really get art, nor did he care. And every time he went there anyways because Deidaras constant and persistant pleading was always able to wear him down, he immediately regretted it. That his friend was constantly bickering with other students – sometimes even the ones he didn't know – about art this and art that, which all sounded like a mystic fantasy language to Hidan, was only one of the many things why he didn't want to go. There were just too many stuck up people who thought of themselves as something better because they cried when they looked at a picture of a potato or a sculpture by Michelle Angello or whatever the hell his name was. He wondered if Konan would let him go earlier.

 

_**'Do i really have to because u know how much i hate that stupid place** _

_**Also I gotta work at the shop u know'** _

 

_**'i do but i also know that you will come anyways? Because you value me as your friend??** _

_**just talk to Konan she loves me** _

_**will be no problem for sure!!!'** _

 

_**'i dont** _

_**btw she dosnt love u** _

_**if I say no will you keep annoying the shit out of me until i agree?'** _

 

_**'of course :-)'** _

 

_**'uuugghhhhhh okay I'll ask her. U owe me big time nerd'** _

 

_**'yesssssssss'** _

 

 

Saturday went by rather slowly. They kept texting back and forth for a while until Deidara started sending a ridiculous amount of selfies and diverse links to sculpturing websites, which ended up in Hidan straight up blocking him. He also ignored the three upfollowing calls including angry voicemails.

He decided to go grocery shopping for the first time in months. Eating wrinkly, old fruit loops and drinking coffee that tasted like sewer water was getting out of style. All this time he spent his money at McDonalds and other fast food restaurants and his mother hasn't been home since February, so it was never a necessity to fill up the fridge or clean the house in general. But then again, his mother gave up on that months ago, even before she left, so it had been kind of messy for a long time. And even though Hidan shouldn't care, he still did. Kind of. Regardless of the fact how much he had to suffer because of of her, he still felt a tiny, frail spark of hope; maybe, just mabe, she changed back to her earlier self, finally saw how bad she fucked up in the past and came back to apologize. And then they would put everything behind them and live in complete harmony forever. The End. _Yeah, dream on, idiot._ He couldn't help but snort at his own thoughts. What the hell was he imagining? As if any of those things would ever happen. There's a higher chance of him getting struck by lightning on a sunny day.

Hidan quickly grabbed his belongings, jammed his feet into an old, dirty pair of sneakers and headed to his jeep. As expected, his mothers' car was still there, like a bad omen, but the owner herself was nowhere to be seen. He made a relieved exhale and started the engine, ignoring his clammy fingers and shaky breath. _What the fuck is she doing here? Why? And what the hell am i supposed to do when I see her?!  
_ His mind started racing even more when he was stopped by a red light. Whitout anything to distract him from his own brain, he quickly glanced around the neighbourhood to avoid being sucked into the same rabbit hole again. He hoped to find something stupid he could focus on instead, but the Yu district he lived in was only known for its overall dilapidated state, empty buildings and general poverty. There was nothing worth looking at really; except one liked to watch drunk bums fight over the last beer bottle. He saw it so many times that he didn't really bother laughing anymore.

 

The shelves of the supermarket were almost empty and contained absurd stuff Hidan couldn't really identify. He passed them feeling slighty creeped out and headed straight towards the frozen food isle to get some pizza. The vegetables could go fuck themselves for all he cared and he's never been a sweet tooth. With both hands full of frozen pizza and coffee he headed to the checkout and threw everything on the assembly line. He was about to grab a pack of Marlboro as well when suddenly a familiar face entered the store. _No_. Hidan felt his heart literally slam into the ground and a wave of panic wash over him. _It's her._ He quickly lowered his head, horrified, not knowing what to do. _What the fuck. Why is Mom here? Is she looking for me? Oh god please tell me it's not her. That can't fucking be._

"Ahem."

He turned around, startled. The cashier lady was raising an eyebrow at him while chewing on a blue piece of gum. "You want the cigs or not?" She nodded towards his hand which was still holding the package.

"Uh, shit, ...yeah, yeah..."

He handled it over, but his eyes were already glued on the in the back section of the store. He felt lightheaded, as if the floor below his feet was about to be pulled from under him. _I have to make sure. If it's her I need to get the fuck out of here as fast as I can._

"Excuse me, but you still gotta pay for those groceries. If you forgot something just tell me or get lost, you're holding the line."

And in fact, he really was, the customers behind him were already giving him foul looks. And it got even more embarassing as he realized that the person wasn't his mother. The woman he was staring at didn't even look remotely close like her. And yet here he was, alomst having a stroke in the supermarket. Not even able to properly respond to the rude cashier, He quickly payed and simply flipped the chick off (who stuck her tounge out in response) and threw a last glance behind him; that was the moment he noticed a diffrent individual amidst the customers. A short, readheaded guy with an oversized hoodie was eyeing him with crossed arms and a pissed off look. They locked eyes for a second, and Hidan immediately felt like he had seen him before. But he couldn't quite put his finger on it and before he knew it, he himself already left the store and the stranger was out of sight. He stuffed his wallet into the backside of his pants continued to walk to his car with a rather weird feeling.

_Who the hell was that?_

 

 

„Dude, pleeeaase, don't let me hangin' here!“

„Are you kidding me?! No way in hell I'm driving you around town today. I have better shit to do than playing chauffeur.“

„Come on it won't take long, just pick me up at three, drive me to the pottery and then home. I'll even pay you despite being the broke college student here!“

Hidan had just returned from the store as his phone suddenly rang. He hurled all his stuff on the kitchen table, picked up the call and was now again trapped in a nerverending discussion.

„Deidara its literally a _15 minute walk_ from your dumb school to your apartment. Don't tell me you and your lazy ass can't handle that!“

„But its so fucking cold outside and I didn't bring a jacket! Do you really want me to die of hypothermia?!“

„I have no idea what that means but _yes_ , I do! My life would be so much easier without you.“

Deidara groaned. „You can be such a dick sometimes. Whats up with you anyways? Feels like I'm talking to a powder keg.“

Meanwhile Hidan finished checking every room for maybe the fifth time today. Still no trace of his mother. Its like she hasn't even been inside the house. He didn't know if he should be glad or worried. Even though she had sworn to never return, he'd recieve an SMS from her every now and then. It was mostly weird stuff he couldn't make sense of because she probably wrote it while being drunk, or pictures of her 'new life' she seemed to be living now. One of these pictures included a shot of her new car. Which was still parked on the other side of the street and it drove him crazy. Her messages stopped three months ago for some reason. He never replied to a single one of them.

Hidan noticed that he had been subconsciously staring at the engine through the kitchen window and finally managed to tear away his gaze.

„Nothing, everything's fuckin' peachy. By the way, why don't you ask Tobi or that other guy? Kinda busy today so stop begging already.“

Hidan really didn't feel like putting up with his friends' shit today. After that mini heart attack from before he truly wanted nothing less than drink the last two beers in the fridge, eat a pizza and maybe take a nap. But the latter should actually be cancelled, considering the danger of being unaware of your own surroundings; he didn't want to be catched off guard when facing her.

„Sasori was my original ride but he drove home after the first class without telling me anything! I haven't been able to reach him since.“

Hidan let out a snort. „No wonder. Probably got tired of your bullshit.“

„You would be surprised but actually _I_ am the one who gets more sick of him than the other way around. And stop siding with him!“

„I'm not siding with anybody, I'm telling you how it is, pussy! I think you'd need that once in a while to get your head out of your ass.“

„Dude, whats wrong?“ , Deidara asked again. „You sound .. even more pissed than usual. Did something happen?“

Hidan put the last pizza into the freezer and slammed it shut. They really knew each other too well.

And being on edge the whole time didn't exactly favor his temper problem. He sighed and ran a free hand across his face. When there was still no answer after a few minutes, Deidara let out a small cough and said: „Well, okay, you obviously don't wanna talk about it but I'm in desperate need of a ride and you haven't agreed to that yet, so lets just go back to that if that's more comfortable for you right now.“

„Forget it, I am _not_ your goddamn taxi!“

 

 

Turned out that he was. Hidan could as well paint his jeep bright yellow and write 'convincable dumbass' on his forehead.

He arrived at the school ten minutes past because he didn't bother being on time with Deidara, but the latter was nowhere to be seen. He parked infrot of the stairs which led to the main entrance and sent a quick text.

 

_**'I'm here so come out already slowpoke'** _

 

He took a searching look across the campus from his car. There were some studens standing in cirles and smoking, others were sitting on the stairs, writing something down or listening to music via headphones. A particulary loud group of people were screaming and chanting as they watched some dude chase a squirrel, tripping over his shoelaces and falling face first into a pudde in the process. Normally, Hidan would wheeze at the sight, but all the things that were stirring around really dampend his mood. He let out an annoyed sigh and threw his cigarette butt out of the window. There was no trash can, so hey, it technically wasn't his fault, right?

But other than screaming students and the abscence of a garbage disposer the campus didn't have anything else to offer. While it wasn't unusual for Deidara to be late considering he was _always_ late and Hidan had gotten used to it by now, he still grew more and more impatient as another ten minutes passed.

 

_**'istg if u dont show your ass in the next 30 seconds i will drive away** _

_**if this is one of ur pranks u can kiss that pretty hair of urs goodbye because you will be burned as a sacrifice'** _

 

Time passed and he was presented with exactly zero replies. 'He's probably hiding in a bush somewhere, laughing and taking pictures of me, that sonofa-'

Just as he wanted to get out of the car to look for a big stick to beat him with, Deidara was sprinting down the stairs, backpack hanging from one shoulder. He opened the door and dropped onto the passenger seat, breathless and with a distraught expression on his face. And normally, Hidan would question it, but he was way too angry for that.

„Where the hell have you been?!“ , he barked. „I've been waiting here like a fucking moron!“

Deidara grinned, still panting a little bit as he said: „Well you know me, always fashionably late!“

He buckled up his seatbelt. „Stop whining, you sound like a big baby who lost his parents at Toys-R-Us and had them being called out over the speaker by an underpaid employee.“

„That was oddly specific and also I'll never pick you up again from anywhere. Ever.“

„Thats what you always say and then you show up like the trusty friend I can always count on!“

Deidara gave him a cocky grin and threw his hair back. „I knew you just couldn't resist my charme. Thats what makes us artists so uncommonly attractive.“ He sighed overdramatically and ignored the 'I am so done with you' side-eye Hidan was giving him. „But sometimes its more a curse than it is a gift. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.“

If there was a possibility of rolling your eyes so hard they pop out of your head, Hidan would do it.

He started the car and headed to the pottery, litting a cigarette with his free hand and taking a deep breath.

„Speaking of so-called 'artists', what the hell have you been doing in that school? Crawling up the teachers' ass for good grades?“

Deidara let out a laugh. „I don't need to do that, as I already stated, my charme can manage anything. By the way, says the one who came back to Konan, begging on your knees for a job.“

„Thats _NOT_ what happened at all!“ , Hidan exclaimed in an attempt to defend himself.

„Yeah yeah, she already spilled the tea so stop playing pretend. Described your crying face in astonishingly great detail if you ask me.“

„If you keep talking shit about me like that I'm gonna drop you out at the dumpster and lit everything on fire with you inside it.“

„Well, just be careful your man-tears won't get in the way!“

„I'm going to tell Konan to stop being friends with you.“

 

Thier banter continued until Deidara was literally kicked out of the parking car. He approached the pottery (while flipping his friend off) and started waving towards his uncle through the shop window. He disappeared inside and quickly got engaged into a what seemed to be rather heated discussion with him. Hidan couldn't really tell what they were talking about but it had probably something to do with art.

He found himself balancing out the pros and cons of just going inside as well for a quick visit. Mr. Kitsuchi could be a total asshole if he wanted to, but he was that kind of person one could always rely on. He had been the one who managed to keep everything together when Deidaras parents died when he was still a baby, or calm Hidans mother down when she was throwing drunken fits in the middle of the street again because she couldn't find the way home. And the last one happened on multiple occasions and he never got tired of it. He even drove her home and stayed with her until she had finished puking. But that was many years ago and Hidan realized that he had never thanked him for it. Of course, as a young child, you don't really think about that kind of stuff. You're just happy to have your mom back. Even though she was drunk off her ass and barfing into a bucket because she couldn't make it to the toilet.

He stared at the pottery for a few minutes before deciding to stay in his jeep. At least this time. Maybe he would try and talk to Mr. Kitsuchi, but not today. Because secretly he was hoping that he would return to an empty parking spot tonight. Then he could just forget about the whole thing and keep living his useless life. But that was only wishful thinking and her car could as well stay in front of the house for weeks. However, if anybody knew his mother then it was Deidaras uncle. They've been friends since high school and when Hidans mother was in a healthier place, they visited each other quite often, always teasing the other like siblings. _Maybe he knows why she would return all of a sudden like that_. _Does he even know?_

„Hey there handsome.“

The female voice startled him so much he dropped his smoke on the ground and burned his fingers on the ashes. The girl who was suddenly standing next to his car let out a mocking giggle.

„Smoking is bad for your health, you know?“

„Holy fuck! What the – Kuro?“

Kurotsuchi grinned and punched Hidans arm trough the open car window. „Live and in color! And I _would_ ask you what you're doing here but you've just been staring at my dad for solid five minutes so the situation is clear to me.“

„What the hell are you talking about?!“

„Well..“ , she sighed and wrapped an arm around Hidan and squished them together in a really uncomfortable manner. „Listen, I bet you're a neat guy and all that jazz, but he's kind of .. how do I put this .. a heterosexual..?“

„WHAAAAT?!“

He struggled himself out of Kuros awkward embrace and jerked out of the car, ready to strangle her.

„Yeeeah, sorry to burst your bubble, but I think someone should tell you before you go inside and make a total idiot out of yourself. I mean, you can still try if you want to, maybe there's-“

„I was _not_ looking at your old man!! I'm waiting for your dumbass cousin to finally get out of Play-Doh paradise over there. By the way, now I remember why I never liked you, you creep.“

Kuro raised her eyebrows. „Wow, Hidan, you hurt me. Is that really the way to treat a young, blossoming woman like me? I was only trying to help after all.“

She made a terribly bad attempt at pouting but the huge, spiteful grin made it hard for her. She looked like she was seconds away from bursting into laughter.

„Maybe I should tell the 'old man' that you hate me and think I'm a creep. Wouldn't you like to know his humble opinion on that?“

Despite always being calm and cool-headed, there were two things that Mr. Kitsuchi absolutely hated: people who talked shit about his daughter and being called old. He already had to hide his beginning baldness under an old baseball cap so the latter was a _very_ sensitive topic.

Hidan let out a frustrated groan. „Okay, okay, whatever. But for the love of god, please stop saying your disgusting fetishes out loud. They really _do_ give me the creeps.“

Kuro leaned against the rusty jeep and crossed her arms. „Hmm.. let me bum a cig and I won't tell.“

„Are you actually trying to blackmail me?! And you just told me smoking is bad like five minutes ago.“

„I'm only 17! I can't buy them myself yet.“ , she whined. „ And you don't have to, but mind you I'm going to have a little talk with my dad and-“

Hidan pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a deep sigh. Then he got his new pack of Marlboro Red out of his pocket and shoved it in her face. „Take one and let me be you little pest.“

Kurotsuchi scrunched her face up. „Ew, I hate those! Don't you have anything more ladylike? Like Camel or some Luckies? Maybe even Vouge?“

„How in the literal fuck am I supposed to-“

„Ahem.“

They both turned thier heads at the same time only to be greeted by a very scolding looking Deidara, who was holding some papers in his one hand and his backpack in the other.

Before the blond was even able to say a single word, Kurotsuchi ran off to the pottery in the speed of light, stretching her tounge out and slamming the door shut.

„Dude, are you serious right now?“

„What?!“ , Hidan blurted. „She was trying to blackmail me!“

„She's _seventeen._ Stop giving my cousin cigarettes!“

Hidan scoffed and they both got back into the car. „Oh, come on, as if you didn't smoke when you were her age. I still memorize you hiding your shit in some bushes so your uncle wouldn't accidentally find it.“

Deidara threw his papers onto the backseat and, as always, ignored the parts of the conversation he didn't want to hear.

„Whatever man, lets go get some Burgers, I'm hungry.“

„You mean 'drive me to Burger King and pay for my food', don't you?“

„Wow, you're so generous today! How can I resist such an amazing offer?“

Hidan glared at him. „You and your cousin are way too similiar. If you want me to stop giving her cigs, I want you to stop teaching her how to be a bitch.“

„You love both of us and you know it.“

„I think I'm gonna be sick.“

 

 

The place was surprisingly empty so they decided to settle in a booth way in the back. While Hidan, noticing how hungry he actually was, considering the fruit loops didn't exactly do thier job, started stuffing his face with fries right away. Deidara was mindlessly chewing on the straw of his coke while staring at his phone. He would tap out a message once in a while and with every passing minute his face looked even more concerned; his overall behavior was way too quiet. That was the second time Hidan noticed that something was off and was about to question it, when all of a sudden his phone rang.

„Fuck!“ , he groaned, tried to get the device out of his pocket and smeared a big blotch of ketchup on his dark-grey jeans and even the display, which made him swear even more as he struggled to wipe it off.

Deidara glanced over to him for a second, grinned slightly and went right back to zombie mode.

It was that unknown call from earlier again. _Who the hell is that?_ Hidan didn't remember giving his number to anyone in the past days and wasn't really feeling like picking up in the first place, since he was still busy eating.

  _It could be mom._

 He froze in his seat and just stared at the ketchup-stained phone in his hand. That couldn't be. This was a diffrent number. No way in hell it was her. And if it was, he'd just go to the bathroom and hang himself before even thinking about talking to her.

 

_Do something. Pick up the call, hang up, throw this thing out of the window, just do_ something _you're starting to look like a fucking moron-_

 

„Ugh, your ringtone is so terrible, my ears are bleeding already!“, Deidara suddenly grunted, eyes still glued on his screen.

That made Hidan snap out of his thoughts and hang up, shoving the device back in his pocket. Then he proceeded to wipe ketchup off his jeans with an already greasy tissue, hoping it would distract from the fact that his hands were slightly shaking.

„You're just crazy mad because you don't get a single damn thing about music!“, he argued. The blond scoffed and finally released the coke from his death grip. „Excuse me?! Your taste in music is just terrible and you know it.“

„My Last Resort is a perfectly fine ringtone, you fucker!“

„Yeah, if you want to annoy the living shit out of everybody else around you.“

„At least I don't have an embarassing Britney Spears CD-collection I hide under my bed.“

Deidara pursed his lips and rolled his eyes. „Got me there. But you have to admit, she was _the shit_ in the early 2000's!“

Hidan commented on how stereotypically gay his friend was, which ended in a chicken nugget being thrown at his head.

„Why didn't you pick up the call anyways? You know I don't mind. There's nothing to talk to you about anyways.“

„I really want to dump this package of mayonnaise on your head right now. And it was an unknown number, so why bother?“

Deidara gave him a shocked look and stopped in the midway of taking a bite of his burger. „Seriously? It could've been something important! See, this is why my uncle had to show you how to pay the bills for your fucking house. You also never read your mail! How are you even still alive?!“

Hidan showed him a shit-eating grin. „I'm immortal, baby!“ , he proclaimed. „And stop reminding me about that, asking him for help was humiliating enough.“

„Yikes, the word 'baby' sounds really weird coming out of your mouth. Stop it.“

„Oh, I'm sorry, does it only sound good when your boyfriend calls you that?“

„I'm single! I told you serveral times, goddamn it. Do you actually listen to me when I talk, hm?“

„Sometimes.“

„Asshole.“

 

They continued arguing and finished thier meal after a while. It was already dark when they left, despite Hidans watch showing only 5:30 pm.

„What made you think I'm in a relationship anyways?“, Deidara asked him as they got back into the jeep.

„It was your constant fucking texting. Whoever that was must've been pretty important since you never use your phone when we hang out, so I just figured.“

He started the car and drove off to his friends place. Hidan felt a sudden itch for a cigarette but the package was lying somewhere on the floor, so he just kept driving and swearing under his breath. No matter how much his nicotine addiction lowkey bothered him, old habits die hard.

„Aww, you're jealous. Don't worry, you'll forever be my number one, I promise!“

„The day I get jealous over you is the day I shoot myself in the head with a shotgun.“

„How charming.“

„You know me, always a gentleman!“

They stopped at a red light and Hidan impatiently started tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. He muttered something about 'stupid fucking traffic lights' which made Deidara cackle.

As the light switched to green he pushed the gas pedal all the way through and ended up parking the engine in front of the appartment in record time. Deidara got out of the jeep but seemed to be unable to leave right away.

„So, before I go, is there anything you maybe want to talk about?“, he asked and crossed his arms. _Fuck_.

Hidan avoided his gaze and picked at the already crumbeling leather on his seat.

„...Not really. Just get lost already.“

Unfortunately, he knew this wouldn't end so quickly. Deidara had an extraordinary talent of wearing people down and convincing them to do what he wants. Still he hoped this talk would be over. That he would just leave and let him be.

„Come on, man. You've been in a pissy mood the whole day and I want to know why. Don't tell me its because your boss fired you, 'cause that would be pretty stupid, even for you.“

Hidan sighed and just stared out into the dark through the windshield, working up the courage to just blurt it out and be done with it. He ran a hand through his hair and shrugged. A side of him wanted to conter on the 'stupid' part but for some reason, it seemed kind of pointless.

„Its cool. 'S just that ..“

„That what?“

It was no use hiding the truth from Deidara. He already knew everything. They met way back in middle school and stuck together ever since. And since Mr. Kitsuchi was his uncle, there was litlerally no way he couldn't have known. However, opening up to someone about touchy stuff like that wasn't really his forte.

But there was no other way of saying it, so he decided to stop beating around the bush and get it over with.

„Mom's back in town.“

It was silent for a while. He didn't really know what to add and it seemed like Deidara was lost for words as well. He just quietly stood there for what felt like hours.

„Fuck.“

Hidan leaned his head back.

„Yeah.“

 

 

The drive home had been unsettling. Even though Deidara offered him to crash at his place, Hidan waved it off and left. After he let the bomb drop, the atmosphere drastically tilted and it made him very uncomfortable. Just the thought of talking about his mother made him want to run away, and he hated that about him. So, in order to get out of that distressful situation, he stammered something about the first thing that came to his mind, which was 'having to feed the fish'.

„You don't have any fish.“, Deidara deadpanned.

„Sure I do.“

„For hells sake, sto-“

„BYE SEE YOU ON TUESDAY!“

And just like that, he drove away as fast as he could, feeling his friends' burning gaze on his back. Hidan felt a little bit guilty about not telling him more. But, the thing was, he didn't really know much more himself. He pushed the feeling away and focused on getting home without crashing the car; thats how much his racing mind was distracting him from concentrating again.

As he finally arrived at home, her car was (of course) still there, constantly growing to be an even bigger thorn in his eye. Before opening the front door, double checking if there was any light coming from the windows was a necessity. Shortly after, Hidan felt safe enough to enter the building, only to feel pretty dumb after he realized he was alone. Nobody has been in here, the house was as messy as ever and there was no trace of his mother. He didn't know how to feel about that. One part of him wanted to avoid that woman for as long as possible, the other one wanted to throw profanities at her head. He pondered which one of those was the better option.

 

It was almost eleven in the evening as Hidans phone rang again. He just finished brushing his teeth as Papa Roach shrilled through the empty kitchen. He glanced at the display and the same anonymous number was mischievously grinning back at him.

„For real..?“, he mumbled and let out a groan. Maybe it was the confidence from emptying the beers from the fridge, but Hidan sat down at the kitchen table and picked up the call.

„Hel-“

„Finally! I thought Martin already gutted you from eye to toe. Why didn't you answer earlier?“

He knew that voice. He definitely knew it, but couldn't place the finger on who it was. There was no face showing up in front of his inner eye and for a minute or so he thought it was a former coworker, but then all of a sudden it hit him like a bus. He put his face into his free hand, elbow leaning against the table.

„Aren't you that chick from the bar..?“

„You don't even remember my name?!“

The voice sounded furious but Hidan didn't pay it any mind. He was way too busy trying to reconstruct recent events, but there were too many blank spaces in his memory and he was pretty buzzed, so it was no use.

„Why the fuck are you calling me?“, he asked confused. „How did you even get my number?“

The girl on the other line made a huffing sound. „You gave it to me! I thought maybe you'd be glad to hear from me again but now you just sound like a total jerk. Are you pissed at me for getting you fired or what? Because thats _not_ my fault at all, you should've been more careful when you left my place.“

He rolled his eyes. So thats the kind of person she was. No wonder Wan took an interest in her, she was just as much of a snake as he was. Were they even still a thing? Hidan chose not to ask her, he wanted this talk to be over as soon as possible.

„Well, I wasn't pissed at you at all, but now that I come to think of it, I'm kinda starting to blame you a little bit. I wasn't planning on getting laid at the bar that day, but you practically threw yourself at me. And when I asked you if you were single you said yes. What the fuck was that about, anyway?“

He'd like to ask her why she cheated on Wan in the first place. He was an asshole but seemed to be very in love with her; he proudly showed thier vacation pictures from the Maledieves to everyone in that godforsaken paint factory. In one day. He always treated his employees like shit but when it came to his girlfriends he would basically carry them around in a sedan chair all the time if he could. Hidan remembered how Wans exes basically begged him for money all the time. In the middle of the factory, for everyone to hear and see.

Working for that horny moron has been a pain in the ass, not to mention the crappy payment. Maybe this misadventure turned out to be a sign from the gods or whatever. He really needed to pull himself together so Konan wouldn't change her mind.

 

_Just hang up and forget about the whole thing_.

 

But instead, he kept talking. „Were you the one who told him? Did you feel guilty all of a sudden or what? Sounded diffrent that nigh-“

„So I was just another fling to you?“, the girl interrupted him. „Didn't you feel any kind of connection?“

Hidan was silent for a minute.

„Nope.“

„Oh, good!“

_What the hell was wrong with her?_

He rubbed a hand over his face, staring at the broken ceiling fan above him. For a minute, he thought about sending a silent, little prayer to some proclaimed, all-mighty being, begging them to put an end to his misery. But there was no one who would answer his pledge. His mother had proven that to him.

„I didn't tell him, by the way.“, she said. „Martin wanted to surprise me with a visit. He saw you leave my place. He's not a complete moron, so he eventually figured out what happened and broke up with me.“ She sighed. „But I didn't really love him anyway, so I guess its whatever.“

„Are you done talking? Can I hang up now?“

„I'm trying to say something here!“

Hidans thumb was already hovering over the red 'cancel call' button, as the girl said something that startled him:

„Are you free on Monday evening?“

He raised his eyebrows. „Uh.. for what? Are you trying to kill me?“

The girl giggled. „No, idiot. I just thought that maybe, you know …we could grab a drink together or something. I think I enjoy being friends with benefits more than this whole 'Sugar Daddy' thing. It's too much responsibility to be honest.“

„So you're asking me to be your... fuckbuddy?“

„Sure, why not? That's why I asked you if you felt anything. But I bet you're like me and prefer casual sex. Relationships aren't exactly my thing. They just leave you emotionally drained and broken-hearted. Who needs that, right?“

Hidan kept staring at the fan, the name of his ex-lover faintly crossing his mind. Another mess that he made and never cared to clean up afterwards. He felt a painful sting in his chest.

„...Right.“

„So what do you say? Wanna grab a beer with me on Monday after work?“

This was probably going to end in a disaster. He'd done that whole 'friends with benefits' business. As fun as it was at the beginning, it could become just as tiring as a real relationship; and thats what had happened most of the time. However, Hidan managed to run off before it got too serious every time. And a distraction didn't sound too bad right now.

„Sure.“

 

 

„Sweetie, I'm leaving! Come and give mama a kiss!“

The harsh light from the corridor made her ash blonde hair shimmer in a slight, sickly-green color. She was kneeling on the floor and rummaging around in the dark-red purse dad got her for christmas. Her voice had a shaky, shrill tone to it.

 

_Mom, what's wrong?_

 

„Jeez, where did I put my keyes again? I always lose everything in this damn bag. Hidan, can you take a look in the kitchen, please?“

 

_They're not there, mom. I can't find them._

 

„I probably left them in my other jacket. Oh, I'm already running late, I have to go!“

 

_But mom, your keyes..._

 

„I have to leave now. I have to leave, let me go! You're hurting me, asshole, I said _**let me go!!**_ **“**

 

_Dad, please stop. Please, please, let her go, just let her go_

 

„Where the fuck do you think you're going? Did I give you permission to leave the house?!“

 

"Well, at least one of us has to be the man and bring food on the table!"

 

_Leave her alone, dad..  
_

 

„Shut the fuck up you little brat."

 

"Oh, is that how you talk to your own family? What a hero you are, we should all be on our knees kissing your feet, am I right?"

 

_MOM!! Stop it you're making it worse!  
_

 

"Don't get cocky with me, bitch."

 

A scream escaped her as the first punch hit her directly in the eye.

 

_Nononononono not again not again not again  
_

 

„I'll teach you how to talk respectfully to your husband! Wait and see you goddamned-“

 

_Dad, stop it, please!!_

 

"And you're next, trust me, when I get my hands on you, you better _beg_ for your life!!"

 

„Honey run away from him, _run away_ , _**I SAID RUN AWAY!!!**_ “

 

Hidan jolted awake. He was covered in cold sweat and his heart was beating loudly against his chest, as if it was about to jump right out. With shaky fingers, he pushed his blanket away, slowly sat up straight and let his eyes get used to the dark and to calm his uneven breath. _Just a dream. It was just a fucking dream. Nothing else._

The alarm clock positioned on a pink nightstand showed 4:15 am. For a second he wondered where the hell that ugly piece of furniture came from, but then he remembered; this was not his room. Hidan looked over his shoulder and saw the naked back of the girl who he had promised to meet up with after work. She appeared to be fast asleep, her long, blond hair spread across the whole bed.

He hadn't had those kinds of dreams for a long time now. Her scream from the nightmare still ringed in his ears and the sound of a hard fist meeting soft skin echoed in his head. He really needed a cigarette.

Hidan searched for his clothes on the floor with the help of his display brightness, got dressed and went on the balcony. The Konoha district was surprisingly quiet tonight. Only a few cars were passing through the empty, narrow streets and a train could be heard from afar. A couple of birds were already awake and chirped thier soft melodies in a nearby tree. Overall, Konoha was a very eco-friendly place with tons of trees, parks and nature conservation areas. A lot of students and young people in general lived here due to the universities and job opportunities. Meanwhile, the shithole community he lived in had nothing to offer except underage criminals and a disgusting sex shop from the 70ies . No wonder people were leaving the neighbourhood as fast as they could. But he couldn't affort to leave; he wouldn't even know where else he should go.

Hidan leaned against the railing and blew the smoke into the night. The cold air gave him goosebumps as a result of only wearing a shirt, jeans and being barefoot. He checked his phone for the temperature: +2° Celcius. How fucking comforting. There were also some notifications from facebook which he ignored and a couple of unread texts from Deidara (as always). The Messanger showed that he had been online only five minutes ago. Hidan flew over the old texts and decided to keep it short and classy:

 

_**'Good morning dildohead'** _

 

_**'????? how are you awake at this time omg'** _

 

_**'ur not even gonna wish me a good morning as well? Blocked'** _

 

_**'Good morning to everybody except you :-)'** _

 

_**'thats it this friendship is over** _

_**ur awake as well wtf are u doing anyways'** _

 

_**'just got up to study I have a test today at seven'** _

 

_**'lol i hope u fail'** _

 

_**'thanks asshat!!! btw how did your date go?** _

_**Whats the name of the lucky lady? ;-))))'** _

 

_**'ur so revolting dont call it date we're just fucking thats all** _

_**i think its Ina or some shit'** _

 

_**'you think???? omg'** _

 

_**'whatever'** _

 

_**'are you sure this is okay?? Didn't end well the last couple times** _

_**is it possible that youre still moping over your ex?** _

_**Just let it go already man youre not gonna get him back'** _

 

The last message stinged more than it should by now. Hidan angrily shoved the phone back into his pocket without responding and threw the cigarette butt on the street beneath him as there was no ashtray on the balkony. Then he quietly went back inside, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness yet again. The girl was still sleeping and didn't even move an inch since he woke up. Despite olny being two years younger than him (he was 23) and being extremely good in bed, Hidan could only deal with her obnoxious personality when he was drunk off his ass. There was an old saying of something like 'to drink until the other person suddenly appears likeable' but he couldn't exactly recall how it went. However, it fit the situation pretty well. He grabbed the rest of his belongings and left the apartment with an empty, dissatisfied feeling.

 

 

„Wow, you look really terrible.“

That was the sentence Konan greeted him with as Hidan arrived at the 'White Rose' at 7:30 in the morning.

„Thanks, you too.“, he mumbled and rubbed his eyes, followed by a surpressed yawn. She teased him a little bit for the dark circles under his eyes as she turned the lights on and sorted some papers in an overfilled folder.

„Are you already completely exhausted from working here?“

„Nah. Just didn't get much sleep, thats all.“

That's not what it was at all but he felt like talking about nightmares like a nine-year old wasn't really fitting right now. Also, Konan did look tired. But that also meant that she would probably mind her own business and he wouldn't have to explain anything to her today. Nonetheless, he wanted to ask if she was okay.

„What's up with you? Trouble in paradise?“

She froze for a second before slowly taking a sip of her coffee. The store wouldn't open up until eight so they still had a little time for getting ready and chit-chat.

„You could say so..“, she sighed and wrapped her fingers around the warm cup. „A friend of ours has just been doing really... bad lately. We're both worried about him. I spent half the night at the hospital.“

Hidan made a whistling sound. „Fuck. Sorry to hear that.“

„Yeah, thanks. Yahiko closed the tattoo studio to be by his side. And you know what kind of a workaholic he is.“

„Definitely. He should go get that checked out.“

Konan laughed and shook her head. „I actually did tell him that some time ago but he refused.“

She took a deep breath. „Anyways, I'm glad Yahiko is there with him. If ... if the worst case szenario was about to happen...at least he wouldn't die alone.“

Her absent stare at the cup made it look like she was hoping the black liquid would magically give her the answer to all her questions. But they both knew that life didn't work that way.

„Oh, also, Tobi is coming in later so you can go and help Deidara!“

_What?!  
_

Hidan let the palm of his hand hit his forehead. He totally forgot about the promise he made to that blond idiot.

„Argh, damn, why did you have to remind me? Can't you just pretend like you need me here or something? I hate that shitty school.“

„No can do. He already pestered me and persuaded Tobi to come to work even though its his day off. So you're going to have fun today, sorry.“

„Uuuuugh.“

 

He spent the rest of the day sorting out the storage room. Tobi wasn't exactly what one would call 'organized' so it took literal _hours_ to get all the supplies back in order. While being pretty messy himself, Hidan made sure that he wouldn't stop until everything looked perfect or, well, at least not completely shitty.

It was a pretty calm day due to the heavy rain outside and Konan was able to call her boyfriend once in a while to be up to date. Her voice sounded soft and worried, but he couldn't understand what she was saying. Hidan didn't know what kind of friend she talked about earlier, he'd never heard of him before. But he also only recently found out that Pain had _seven_ fucking siblings: six brothers and one sister. As if one of them wasn't enough already.

He heard the pouring rain from outside and it sounded like fingertips tapping against the windows. It also rained the day his father left to get some whisky – after leaving his family beaten and bruised – and didn't return that night. Or the night afterwards. Several weeks passed and he was still gone. His mother never bothered to call the police; she never did when he got drunk and violent, so why now? She was way too busy rebuilding thier 'new life' that allegedly awaited them anyways. Some friends from school reconnected with her and she invited them over for dinner very often.Even though Hidan was only eight years old at that time, he didn't like them and stayed in his room the whole time, refusing to come out when his mother called him. They were all wearing weird necklaces and carried around a version of the same big, worn-out book. Sometimes he would see them on his way to school in the morning. They knocked on other peoples' doors and got very angry when being rejected. One time, the police even got involved because one of them got pretty aggressive. He never understood what they were doing and why, but it seemed incredibly sketchy; Hidan made sure to stay away from them as far as possible. His mother, on the other hand, was fascinated. She spent hours and hours reading the book, studying some incoherent language and praying to a being she described as 'the allmighty, invincible god.'

A couple of months later he memorized sitting in his mothers old car as they were driving back home from court. They had won something, but he didn't really knew what it was. There were police officers who asked him some weird questions and a nice lady in a white coat who gave him a starwberry flavored lollipop afterwards. It was the same color of red as the blood he found on the floor a few days later.

 

_See, honey? He fulfilled our dreams just like we asked him to. Now mommy has to return the offer._

_Stop crying, will you?! It doesn't hurt at all. I'm doing this all for you, so give me a big smile now._

 

Tears mixed with the blood on the floor like red color on a white, wet canvas.

 

_Much better._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there you go, chapter two is up and running! I hope my English isn't too bad. I can't really judge that myself, I don't have a beta reader. I'm planning on making the next one longer than the first, I'm currenty aiming at 10-15k per chapter? Idk yet. This work is also available on fanfiction.net, but I've changed the story a little bit since then, as I wasn't happy with the results. But it didn't get much attention anyways, so I'm still debating about updating it on there as well or not.  
> So what did you think? Was the story interesting? I'm personally glad that Sasori finally made an appearence lol. Don't worry, he'll be more and more present in future chapters. :-)  
> Tysm for tuning in, I'm gonna go crawling back into my Hole of Shame™.


	3. Nothing, Nowhere

Despite the inviting colortheme and the 'hip' design, the University of Modern and Traditional Art couldn't have looked more broing. It took Hidan half an hour to get from his workplace in Ame to the Iwa district due to traffic. And of course, his roadrage got the best of him again, which ended in him almost getting into a fistfight with another driver. He was still wrathfully swearing under his breath as he entered the building, swinging the glass door open with brute force. The campus halls were almost empty by now, but the remaining students gave him some weird looks and scattered to the sides when they were met with an extremely angry glare in response.

A pungent smell of paint hit him as he passed certain classrooms; it lowkey reminded him of Wans factory and his stomach suddenly had the great idea to bring up the store-bought sandwich and coffee he had for his lunch break. He swallowed hard, picked up the pace and hurried to the usual sculpturing room his friend spent the majority of his fucking life in. But instead of already hearing Deidaras bickering voice across the hallway he stopped infront of a closed door with a piece of paper taped on it. The messy writing on it was hard to read, but he eventually identified it as: 'Temporarily closed.'

 

_What the fuck?_

 

Hidan groaned. What the hell was that supposed to mean? That room was the only one he knew in this sorry excuse of a school and Deidara was, as always, nowhere to be seen. Kicking hard against the door to let off some steam, he turned around and pulled out his cell phone for a call, when a sudden voice almost made him drop it on the floor:

 

„Wrong room.“

 

There was a red-haired student standing across the hallway, carrying a lot of diffrent brushes and a canvas wrapped in a faded piece of yellow clothing.

_Oh great, another artistic dumbass. I'll let Deidara pay for this, definitely._ Hidan ran a hand trough his hair. „Well, damn, really?“, he deadpanned. „Wow, what an amazing observation. Haven't noticed that before. What a fucking Sherlock you are.“

The student just made a small 'tch' sound and mustered him from head to toe. „Just shut up and follow me. I'll show you where he is.“

And with that, the other turned away and left. Hidan stood there for a couple of seconds, dumbfounded, still holding the phone against his ear. On the one hand, he wanted to punch that guy in the face to let out some anger, but on the other it slowly started to down on him who that person was. And kicking that persons ass would lead to getting his own ass kicked by Deidara.

„Hey!“, he called out and hurried to catch up with him, but the other didn't stop to wait. Instead, it almost seemed like he began walking faster on purpose. Hidan spent the next five minutes following him and almost broke a sweat in that time. _How in the hell is such a short person able to walk so fucking fast?!_

He was about to make a passive-aggressive remark when the student came to an abrupt hold and re-positioned the covered frame in his arm. It appeared to be quite heavy and normally, because Hidan wasn't a complete dick, he'd offer his help, but that guy was first of all giving him really creepy vibes and second of all seemed to have the social skills of a goddamn hermit crab.

Hidan started to wonder how long this fun new journey would take, but just a few moments

later he heared Deidaras usual, loud voice trough the hallway: „Sasori, what took you so long?! Did you die and reincarnate on your way here?“

_That's_ who he is! It finally clicked in his head as soon as he heard the name. _He_ was the student Deidara would argue with about art. But even though that guy was often mentioned by his friend, Hidan never knew how he looked like. He'd already been at this school countless times but never saw him there, either. Which, now that he started to think about it, was kind of weird. However, there was no more time to dwell on it because they both entered an old classroom which was basically covered in paint. There were some rusty looking desks and chairs scattered in the back, and three big tables occupied the middle of the room. Those had only a teeny tiny bit of space left due to the diffrent kinds of paints, papers, brushes and pens scattered around everywhere. And in the middle of all that chaos stood one of Deidaras new sculptures he proudly positioned for everyone to see. Maybe it was supposed to be a snake or something like that, but to Hidan it just looked like an ugly, skinny sausage. He frowned and pulled a face, but was soon distracted by some big paintings leaning against the colorful walls. A thin layer of dust had already build up on them and it was really hard to identify what the hell they were supposed to show. The only things he could recognize were some faces and dark, brown-ish splotches. But luckily, at least it didn't smell as bad as in the other classrooms he had passed earlier. Hidan saw that the windows were tilted open and he mentally thanked the Lord and Savior for giving Deidara at least a little bit of brain. Speaking of which. The blond was leaning against one of the tables, armes crossed, still eyeing Sasori. The other just made that little 'tch' sound again (which already began to get on Hidans nerves) and put the canvas down.

„I wish I did.“, he replied dryly. „So I could see if I can escape you in hell.“

The brushes landed on the already messy table. „And also, this is the last time I'm playing tourist guide with your little friends. Either you give proper directions or you don't invite anybody anymore.“

Deidara just rolled his eyes. „Nice to see you too, dude. Are you on your period again?“

Sasori muttered something as a reply but Hidan didn't catch it. Either way, that guys' attitude was lowkey pissing him off. Or maybe he was just looking for an excuse to get into a fight with someone. „Oi, I didn't ask for your help you little-“

But before he could finish his sentence a sharp elbow hit his ribs. „C'mon, don't mind him.“, his friend said with a grin on his face. „He'll be as sweet as a peach in no time. 'S just all bark, no bite.“

A small lump of clay along with a warning glare were thrown his way. „Watch it, Deidara.“

„Hey, I've been looking for this everywhere, thanks!“

„Next time it'll be in the trash, where it belongs.“

„Yeah yeah, shut up and pick up a brush, moody ass.“

He mustered the weird redhead and wondered how how far that stick was up his ass. He was the polar opposite of Deidara, _how_ could they possibly be friends?!

„Whatever.“, Hidan grunted and shrugged off his leather jacket to hang it over one of the chairs. „Why am I here again? Because with that kind of company you have I'd rather bleed out under a bridge.“

He made sure to say the last part of his sentence particularly loud so the asshole in the back of the room would hear it. But there was no repy which made him even angrier. Deidara let out a snort while struggling to tame his long hair into a messy ponytail.

„You're such a crybaby, Hidan. No wonder you got fired, everytime someon-“

„Just tell me why the hell you dragged me here!“

„Okay, okay! Sheesh.“

He rummaged in an old box full of what seemed to be diffrent colored blankets, hats and feather boas(?). For what ever those things were needed in art, Hidan couldn't even comprehend and he preferred to keep it that way.

„There we go!“

Within seconds, the blond had positioned a chair infront of a canvas, shoved some plastic fruit in his friends' arms, covered him with old, dusty blankets and forced him to sit on the chair in a rather uncomfortable pose.

„Deidara, what the hell?!“

„Hold still you idiot, this is important!“

He grabbed some pencils and disappeared behind the canvas. „You're gonna have your picture taken. Don't move or I'll make it look crappy.“

Hidan just sat there for a couple of minutes, completely puzzled, until he finally understood what was happening. „You ordered me here to be your _model_?!“

Deidaras grinning face spoke volumes. „Well, actually, you're just my-“

„Are you shitting me?“ Hidan threw the plastic pears and apples on the ground. „No way I'll be sitting on my ass for hours straight in the same position. Forget it, this is fucking ridiculous!“

The other let out a deep sigh. „Yeah, you're right. This is ridiculous. What was I thinking?“

He picked up the fruit, but instead of putting them back in the box they were shoved in Hidans hands yet again, followed by a pink flower crown being delicately placed on his head.

„ _Now_ we're talking! Looks much better now. I knew something was missing. Dude, what do you think?“

Hidan was unsuccessfully trying to balance the stupid fruit in his arms while wiggling himself free from the blankets, ready to tear him apart. „I think this is the dumbest-“

„Don't move! And shush, I'm talking to Sasori.“

They both glanced to the redhead who was hunched over a piece of paper, (intentionally) ignoring them. Deidara waved his arms and called out his name a second time, which made him finally raise his head and pull one earbud out. „Huh? What do you want? I'm busy.“

„You thought that having him as a practise model was a bad idea. Just take a look at that, doesn't he look amazing? Admit it, you didn't think I'd get this far with him, did you?“

Sasori glanced over to Hidan and for a split second, there was a spiteful grin forming on his face, which dissapeared way too quickly and his expression went back to the one of a stoic, old librarian.

„...He looks even more like an idiot, what have you done?“

„Excuse you?! I'm using all those props just like you told me!“

„He's right Deidara, I look totally-“, Hidan stopped mid-sentence when he noticed the indirect insult.

„Wait, what the hell did you just call me?“

But he was blatantly ignored. His presence was no longer acknowledged nor needed, because Deidara was about to start another discussion about art.

„Sometimes less is more, Deidara. And the flower crown is for..?“

„Well, before we get into that, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop questioning everything I do, you of all people should know that art...“

Hidan watched them both argue for a couple of minutes, then he finally decided that it was time to get rid of that embarassing outfit. He threw all the props back into the wooden box and went to the bathroom. He heard his friends' voice call out for him but he kept walking. „Come on dude, please! I _need_ to practise. I'll treat you to McDonalds!“

„Whatever, I'm gonna take a piss.“

Actually, the idea of free food didn't sound too bad at all. Maybe he would be able to survive this artsy hell for just a little bit more. Deidara still owed him for getting his food paid at Burger King, so it'd only be natural to leave the bill to him this time. And also, switching locations would decrease the chance of being striked dead by conversations about art to an incredible amount.

 

It took Hidan a while to find the bathroom stalls because the school was build like a goddamn maze. He just finished washing his hands and was about to get back to being a stupid model for the next two hours, when his phone rang. His instant reaction was to roll his eyes when he saw the number on the display.

„What?“, he snarled and it came off way more agrressive than he intended to.

„You left the balcony window open, asshole! Do you know how freezing cold it was when I got up?!“

An angry, screeching voice, that belonged to no other than his new friend-with-benefits, almost blew his eardrums.

„Shit, that was loud ...“, he groaned and held the phone several inches away from his head.

„And you know what the worst part is? I got sick because of you. Now I'm sitting at home with the worst cold I've ever had. I swear to god, next time I see you you're gonna be dead meat.“

 

_Did I really forget to close that door?_

 

He scratched the back of his neck and leaned against the sink. „Okay, okay, calm down. First of all,you were the one who told me I'm not allowed to smoke in bed. Would've made things a lot easier if you ask me but whatever I guess.“

„Oh, so now it's _my_ fault?!“

Hidan let out an annoyed sigh. „It's just a cold, you'll get over it! You've handled harder things than tha-“

„I didn't call you to talk about your dick!“

He grinned, but pulled a slightly disgusted face when he heard a loud sneeze on the other line.

„Why the hell did you call me then?! Seriously, Ina, I don't give a crap-“

She cut him off again. „It's _Ino._ With an _o,_ not an _a_. Can't believe you're not even able to remember my name properly. That's why your ex broke up with you, you're such an asshole!“

Hidan almost chocked on his spit. A horrendous feeling of realization started to spread in his body and he let out a quiet 'fuck' as he let his free hand meet his red face.

„I.. how-“, he stammered, swallowed hard and struggled to ignore the storm of unwanted emotions hitting him like a bus.

„I told you...?“

It felt like anything else that had even a little bit of relevance had been washed away. All that's left was a single thought playing on repeat in his mind: _I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid, I'm so fucking-_

In _o_ – not In _a_ – blew her nose and groaned miserably. „Yeah, at the bar, don't you remember? I saw you sitting there with your probably tenth drink. You looked like you were about to either pass out or throw up so I decided to check on you.“

„How noble..“, Hidan murmured in response and focused on the graffiti written all over the walls and doors. Mostly it was just badly drawn genitalia (he expected them to be better, this was an _art_ school after all), slur words and terrible hipster poems. Someone wrote 'my penis was here' on one of the doors, another commented under it with 'thats gay'. Another response was 'ur moms gay' and 'no shit dude'. The rest of the sentences were too messy to identify. Hidan squinted his eyes but he just wasn't able to read it.

The paint on the wall next to him was crumbly so he absently started chipping on it to distract himself but nothing could beat that sinking feeling in his stomach. At least that's what he thought, but some loud footsteps from outside the stall walking down the hallway proved him otherwise. They were too rapid for them to belong to a cleaning person, so it could be a teacher or one of the Profs Deidara usually complained about. Either way, right now, he'd rather listen to Tobi singing a duet with himself while mopping the floor after closing time than talk about embarassing the hell out of his entire existence.

„Well, I wouldn't call it exactly noble, it's my job after all.“, Ino stated and pulled him out of his trail of thought. „Anyways, we went outside to catch some fresh air. You sat on the ground and suddenly started to talk about this dude you were dating or something like that. How much you _loooved_ him and all that.“

Ino emphasized the word 'love' in a very mocking manner. „Then you got all sad and whiny, so I sent you home but you refused and started throwing a fit about it. How you didn't want to be alone or whatever. After that you tried to call somebody but I guess your vision was too blurred from the alcohol.“, there was a snicker on the other line. „So you actually called yourself.“

With every sentence she said Hidans shoulders slouched more and more downwards. He knew that he could be a completely irresponsible moron when it came to drinking, but _this_? His cheeks warmed up and he felt strangely lightheaded. _Why don't I remember any of that?! Good thing Deidara wasn't with me, he would've totally filmed and never let me forget about it._

„Shit!“, he exclaimed suddenly. His friend was probably wondering where the hell he was. „I gotta go. Gonna hang up now.“

„What, wai-“

Hidan canceled the call and left the bathroom, head full of unwanted thoughts and a big portion of shame. He just couldn't believe that his blackout was that serious. He scolded himself mentally for telling it _Ino_ of all people and was about to make a left turn to get back to the classroom when he saw a person standing in front of it. Out of instinct, he hid behind the corner and carefully peaked around it. There was something that he hated even more than the students here: the teachers. He never liked them, even when he still went to school himself, and nothing about that had changed.

Hidan figured that the footsteps from earlier probably belonged to him. It also seemed like he was talking to somebody, but he was too far away to exaclty make out what he was saying. After a closer look he also found out who he was talking to: Sasori was standing infront of him with crossed arms. They were quiet, almost whispering, and Hidan wondered what kind of weird relationship they probably had. The guy didn't really look like a teacher either; his clothes were too formal and the space between them was too little.

Whatever those two were, he didn't want to be a part of it. Hidan glanced at his phone and chose to send Deidara a quick text.

 

**To: 'Dude who the fuck is that guy'**

 

Deidaras reply was surprisingly quick.

 

**From: 'asshole boyfriend.. Where are you? taking a crap??'**

 

A smiling poo emoji arrived on his screen and Hidan sent a gun emoji back in response.

 

**To: 'Got hold back'**

 

**From: 'Don't tell me you jerked off gross dude'**

 

**To: 'No dildohead Ina called me**

***Ino**

**Shit whatever her name is'**

 

**From: 'So you DID get it wrong the first time I knew it!!! :-D'**

 

Hidan peeked around the corner a second time but the couple was still there. He didn't know Sasori was gay, or bi, or whatever, but he wasn't surprised. Deidara himself stated that there was no artist who wasn't at least _a little bit_ attracted to the same gender. Not necessary an information he needed in his life, but his friend had already scarred him enough with knowledge about a creep named Narzissos so yeah. One more or less usless fun fact couldn't really change anything anymore. Still not something to brag about at parties, at least not for him.

 

**To: 'Cant they have their therapy session somewhere else'**

 

**From: 'Are you scared of coming back because they're standing infront of the classroom??? Don't be a pussy and get over here already'**

 

Hidan rolled his eyes and stuffed the phone back into his pocket. What was he doing here? Lurking around like a weirdo, too much of a coward to pass two people in the hallway. He pulled himself together and just started heading towards them, but the closer he got the slower his feet became. Something was off, he could see it in Sasoris face. Clearly, Hidan didn't really know anything about him, but he was anxiously glancing at the floor, which was never really a good sign. The change in his – as far as he could judge it – usually stoic look was sublte, but still noticable. And the hand wrapped tightly around his upper arm was prehaps the reason why.

Hidan realized that he'd completely stopped walking and was just awkwardly standing there. Neither of them two had noticed him until now, and he wondered how to make his presence known.

 

_I'll just walk past them, open the door and leave them be._

 

He started moving once more, however, instead of steering around them, he was directly headed towards the stranger. His body was moving on his own, suddenly that trainwreck of thoughts from earlier dissolved into thin air. All he could think of was how much it bothered him that the other guys' hand was wrapped painfully around Sasoris arm, knuckles already turned white, and for some unknown reason, it really pissed him off. Before any of them had the time to notice Hidan, he had already grabbed the guys' shoulder, turned him around and _slammed_ him against the lockers behind them. One fist buried into his shirt, the free one up in the air ready to sucker punch him into the next dimension, the whole situation was immediately defused when Deidara burst out of the classroom.

„What is going o – Hidan, are you fucking crazy?!“

„Indeed.“, said the dude who looked like he was part of some weird gentlemans' club. His voice was cool, calm and yet cut through the tense atmosphere like a sword. „I have wondered about that, too.“

The man wearing a dark grey suit looked overall pretty unimpressed, almost _bored_ , as he was forced against a locker wall, threatened with a fist potentionally hitting his face. He glanced over to Sasori, who looked like he was struck by lightning the moment they locked eyes. Deidara was the first one to react and tried to pull Hidan off of the alleged 'boyfriend'. „Leave it, it's not worth it.“, he said. Hidan had other plans, but his common sense abruptly intervened and told him to stop as well. Still pissed, he shoved the guy against the lockers once more for good measure and finally backed off.

„It seems like my presence is not wanted.“, the man stated and fixed the tie he was wearing. „I assume he is one of _your_ friends?“

He raised his eyebrow at Deidara, who crossed his arms and gave him a death glare. „Oh look, what a smart cookie we have over there.“

„Very well. I see you are upset as always, even though I am the one who was attacked just a few minutes ago. But that's nothing ne-“

„Cut it out already.“, Sasori suddenly said. It became quiet and the man made a rather puzzled face when he realized he was the one being adressed.

„...Just get out of here and wait in the car. I'll be there in 5.“

„What?!“, Deidara exclaimed and was about to start an argument but Sasori had already dissapeared into the classroom, hastly collecting some of the utensils hed had brought with him and shouldering his backpack. The look on his boyfriends' face all of a sudden changed from bored to sour and he wandered off without saying another word, hands crammed into the pockets of his pants.

Hidan wanted to say something, call him an asshole, slam dunk him down the stairs, anything that would calm the rage that had reappeared in his heart. But Deidaras sudden raise of tone made even him jump and he slowly entered the classroom. „Dude, are you serious right now? Really? You promised this time, you _promised_ you'd stick around today!“

Sasori just pushed past the blond and muttered: „Plans change, get used to it, Deidara.“

„I can't believe you're pulling the same shit again. You know _exactly_ what he's doing and you're still gonna run after him like a sheep?“

Hidan was still standing in the doorframe like a pole and was shoved to the side when he didn't move out of the way. The whole situation came to a point where he didn't know what to say or do anymore. He barley knew Sasori and had arrived at the school with the original idea to just hang out with Deidara, make fun of some of his clay sculptures and leave. If someone told him that he'd protect basically a complete stranger from possible harm just a couple of minutes after entering the building, he would've laughed straight at their face. But now he couldn't do anything else than watch the situation unravel.

„Come on man, please! Say 'No' for once, maybe?“

Deidara was holding one strap of his friends' backpack in his hand, unwillingly to let go. Sasori let out a long, annoyed sigh and turn around. „Okay. _No_.“ he glared at him. „Are you statisfied now? Because I have to leave.“

He yanked the strap back into his possesion and kept walking. They both watched him hurrying down the stairs and disappearing from their view.

„Now what the hell was that all about?“, Hidan blurted out after a few seconds of silence. Deidara didn't answer at first and let out an annoyed huff instead. He went back inside the classroom and began tidying the desks in silence; he was obviously hurt as hell.

„Dude..“, Hidan called out. He hated dealing with peoples' emotions. Getting into fights and beating someone up? Easy. Provoking a brawl in a random bar? Piece of cake. That's what he was good at, making someone see red and red only. Rage had always been uncomplicated to him; he liked how straightforward and simple it was. No unnecessary whining, no discussion of melancholic feelings or wet tissues. Rage had never been a problem.

„Sooo..“, he began slowly. „I didn't really get that whole shitshow just now. Who was that asshole I almost punched? By the way, I'm really offended you wouldn't let me do it. If somebody deserves to get his face beat, it's definitely him.“

He hesitantly strolled towards his friend until he was standing next to him. But Deidara remained silent and Hidan felt more and more stupid with each passing minute. Normally, no matter who of them was pissed, they always managed to cheer the other up and laugh it off. However, that probably wouldn't work this time.

„Come on, don't let those fuckers ruin your mood. Lets get-“

„Wasn't it obvious?!“, Deidara suddenly exclaimed. „Seriously Hidan, even _you_ could come to the right conclusion if you'd use your goddamn brain for once.“

Hidan took a few steps back, spread his arms out in disbelief and snapped as well: „What?! How the hell am I supposed to know? I have no idea and to be honest, I don't give a fuck anymore. I can let things go and focus on my own shit, unlike you, who always needs to get what he wants no matter what!“

„Ugh, you don't-!“, Deidara groaned and kicked gainst a canvas in frustration, which almost fell over hadn't he steadied it last minute. „I can't let this go, get it? This is diffrent, and you have no clue what you almost got yourself into.“

Hidan scoffed and rolled his eyes. „Why are you acting like an asshole all of a sudden?! Not like it's my fault anyways!“

„Can you tell me why you attacked him in the first place? Please tell me it was just one of your temper tantrums.“

Hidan raised his eyebrows. „Huh, what the hell do you mean by that now? Stop speaking in riddles dude, you're confusing the crap out of me.“

He crossed his arms and leaned against the desk next to him. „And it was nothin' personal, not really. Prue instinct I guess... why do you want to know?“

Deidara ran a hand across his face and let out another sigh. This wasn't normal. Whatever he knew that Hidan didn't, it seemed pretty serious, but maybe not necessary something he should dig into more. Other people weren't really relevant to him, especially strangers who ignored him or called him an idiot. And yet, he couldn't help but interfere when he saw how uncomfortable Sasori was.

„I... can't tell you.“, Deidara began hesitantly. „At least, not yet. It's...complicated.“

„Well, whatever, I'll let it be. Obviously, I'm too much of a fucking moron to get it anyways, right?“, Hidan stated half jokingly, half serious. His friend winced at that and awkwardly scratched his head. „Sorry about that. It's just a really shitty situation and I felt kind of..“, he stopped mid-sentence. „Anyways. Let's get out of here, you're absolutely incompetent when it comes to posing and I don't wanna waste my time on you.“

„Oh I'll show you incompetent you mediocre wanna-be artist!“

 

 

They decided to avoid the topic alltogether. Deidaras mood seriously tilted downwards and he was awfully quiet, typing a message into his phone every now and then and staring out of the window as Hidan drove through the Iwa district to bring him home. His own car was still broken and the mechanics at the garage just couldn't find out what was wrong with it.

It had gotten dark outside, the icy wind blowing against Hidans hand holding a half smoked cigarette. He still didn't know what to say to make his friend feel better. And probably, there wasn't really anything left for him to say. He'd glance towards Deidara from time to time, ready to crack a joke or to sacrifice his sanity and ask a question about art, but the words seemed to be stuck in his throat, forming into a big lump and gradually growing bigger and bigger the more he tried to force them out. There was also his own unsteadiness keeping him busy and he had yet again troubles to focus on the road.

Hidan couldn't help but think about the scene earlier at school. He just wasn't able to shake the anger building up as he remembered how hard that asshole was grabbing Sasoris arm. Who the hell treated their partner like that?! Sure, Hidan wasn't exactly the perfect boyfriend himself, but he'd never even think about getting violent or intimidating for the sake of his own demands. And not only did it look fucking painful to him, but it also reminded him of his dirtbag of a father, which didn't really contribute to his mood in a positive way. The picture of his mother cowering in the kitchen while being yelled at by her husband would never leave his memory.

„Watcha' thinking about?“

Deidaras voice jerked Hidan out of his depressing thoughts. He took a last drag of his smoke and threw it out the window. „Nothing.“, he murmured in response. „Just stupid crap.“

His friend let out a small sigh. „I'd really like to make fun of you for that but...I guess I can't blame you. I feel kind of the same, to be honest.“

„Yeah, I noticed. Normally, by now I would've lost an ear from your constant talking.“

Deidara grinned and rolled his eyes. „Har har. Very funny.“

And that was the whole conversation they had for the entire ride. Neither of them felt like talking. Deidara went back to browsing his phone and Hidan kept driving his jeep, head as always full of unwanted memories.

 

They arrived at his apartment pretty quickly, since it was only a fifteen minute walk by foot. But his friend would never pass up on an opportunity to get a ride and Hidan hated to admit it, but he did feel partly responsible for what happened earlier, so he even suggested the idea himself. And he also swallowed his pride and tried to aplogize, but Deidara waved it off. „Just forget about the whole thing. It's for the best. But trust me, if things were diffrent, I would've let you beat the shit out of him.“

With these words, Deidara waved goodbye and Hidan watched him trot towards the apartment building he lived in. With an awful feeling in his gut, he drove off into the night to grab some beer at a gas station nearby and head home. The whole time, he couldn't stop thinking about the incident from earlier and he grew more and more frustrated as he payed for his drinks and walked back to his jeep.

 

_What the hell is wrong with that asshole...?! And why do I care so fucking much?_

 

 

„Good morning sunshine!“

Hidan knew that Konan was greeting him in a mocking manner, but her smile made him automatically feel a little bit better as he entered the _White Rose_. „Mornin'.“, he muttered and shrugged his jacket off. Judging from her behavior, she seemed to be in a much better place than yesterday and it made him really glad.

„How's your friend doing?“, Hidan asked after he returned from upstairs to throw his belongings on a table covered with coffee grounds, an empty cup and dirty papers. Probably Tobis fault _._

„He's doing well! Can you believe it? He made it through the night and was properly awake today, even eating and drinking!“

Konan let out a sigh and smiled to herself while nipping on her coffee. „Yahiko is so relieved as well. But he opened the studio today even though I told him to get some rest. He's been at the hospital all night, just to be sure.“

Hidan rolled his eyes „Ugh, spare me with that. When he drops down dead it's his own fault, I hope he fucking knows that.“

It felt good to see Konan laugh again. She made the impression of being genuinely happy and a small piece of hope started growing in him. Maybe they could fix their shaky friendship after all. If she didn't hold any grudge against him – and if she did, she hadn't really shown it yet – maybe Hidan would be able to patch things up between them. He dealt with a lot of people leaving their place in his life and he never really cared; but Konan kicking him to the curb would probably fuck him up big time.

„Yeah, he knows, but he also thinks that it won't happen to him. So yeah, not really much I can do about it.“

She shrugged and collected a couple of thin folders. „I'm gonna be upstairs today, I have to take care of some business matters. Think you can manage here with Tobi?“

_Oh god._ Hidan groaned and had the sudden wish to strangle himself with Konans belt after all. „Yeaaah, I guess... but if he gets on my nerves I will kill him.“

„Please don't. Just let him do the cash register today, okay? Have fun!“

And with that she hurried upstairs. Hidan was about to take a smoke break before he'd open the store, since there was still a little time left until eight. He started wondering where the hell Tobi was again, when he heard Konan call out to him from upstairs.

„What is it?“, he asked and stood infront of the stairs, too lazy to actually use them. Her head popped up behind the kitchen door and she smiled at him. „I've missed you. It's good to have you back.“

Hidan couldn't stop the massive grin from forming tugging on his lips. „Oh, that's great! So, next time we grab a coffee together, I _can_ tell you about my sex life in graphic detail?“

„Gods, _no_ , that's not what I meant at all!!“

A crumbled napkin was thrown his way and he made his escape while laughing his ass off, enjoying the warmth that slowly spread in his chest.

 

The next two weeks went by surprisingly quickly. Konan made fun of his undereye circles every day and Deidara pestered him with stupid art memes Hidan couldn't possibly find funny because he didn't get them in the first place. But overall, he had to admit that he was glad to have a little balance in his life for once. It felt like a low tide after the storm; sure, he was still ankles deep in dirt but at least he wasn't drowning. And furthermore, being able to work at a place where it didn't smell of paint the whole time was a really big bonus.

Nevertheless there was this nagging fear of accidentally running into his mother the whole time. Her car was parked in the front yard, but it never seemed like anyone would've been inside the house itself. Hidan hoped that he could take his guard down just a little bit, but the stubborn part of him wouldn't let him off the hook that easily. He kept an eye out for her every day, subconsciously scanning the streets when he drove to or from work. And the uncertainty of it all made him incredibly sick. But there was one positive thing: At least no one bothered him with stupid questions he didn't want to answer. The neighbours stopped a long time ago (not that it was important to them anyways) and neither of his friends were invested enough in his private life to try and drill deep down to the core, he made sure of it by always straight up blocking people out or changing the topic. Especially Deidara knew how uncomfortable it made him to talk about personal stuff so, as his best friend, he respected that. Ino didn't give a flying crap anyways, so telling her something about himself would be like talking to a tree. Also, Hidan was relieved to be left alone with all these shitty things that he desperately tried to push away.

 

 He arrived at the _White Rose_ on a chilly, foggy Friday morning, sporting a massive headache and feeling a little bit nauseous. He spent thursday evening with Ino; they hung out at the same club in Konoha again, and despite the district being all fancy and neat, the club itself had a rather unusual name: _Trash._ But that didn't really make Hidan wonder – usually, every town had its dirty corners and _Trash_ seemed to be just one of them. It was filled with mostly sketchy people and any form of addicts or drunks, but they would leave him alone most of the time since he was with Ino. It was an unspoken rule to never fuck with the owners' and bartenders' friends, because who in thier right mind would ruin their access to cheap drinks and an atmosphere in which you felt basically invisible? That was also the reason for the high drug dealing and using rate. Ino briefly explained that her coworkers and the doormen were on the case, however, it started to feel more and more like a lost cause. Considering the kind of customers they had, that kind of behavior wasn't a very big surprise.

Hidan just absently nipped on his drink the whole night, not really in the mood to party, but Ino wasn't that easy to shake off. Even though she was still kind of obnoxious to him, he found himself actually slowly starting to like her. At least a little bit. She was strong-minded and didn't take anyones' shit, he undoubtedly believed her when she threatened to tear him apart if he wouldn't show up. However, when Hidan arrived at the _Trash_ , she was occupied by her collegaues most of the time, not paying much attention to him. Even though she didn't have a shift that day, she'd still run around the club ever so often, serving drinks or cleaning up empty glasses.

On the one hand he was glad to know he was able to get buzzed in peace, but on the other he was, to his own shock, a little bit disappointed. He tried to ignore that feeling by drowning it with Jacky Cokes, until they both left the _Trash_ at ass o'clock in the morning and of course, he spent the night with her.

And now he was trying to unlock the front door, long before work actually started, in a painfully slow manner, dropping the keys at least three times and swearing under his breath.

_God, I beg you, please don't let Konan see me like this...please don't be here earlier, please don't be here earlier, please don't be here earlier ...!!_

Suddenly someone was at the entrance and opened the door for him. Hidans stomach dropped and he mentally prepared himself to be killed, but instead of his friend, Tobi greeted him with a big grin on his face. „Good morning!“, he chirped and stepped aside so Hidan could get in. He let out a relieved sigh and glared at his colleague. _It's just that dope...I still have some time left to sober up..._

„What the hell are you doing here?“,he asked him and made a move to go upstairs to make some coffee. „Well, if you ask me like that, I've been-“

Tobi kept rambeling about something he couldn't care less even if he tried and instead continued strutting up the stairs with his wobbly legs like an old grandpa. When Hidan finally arrived at the kitchen (which felt like it took him years) he started the coffee machine and hoped that the black liquid would punch his drowsy ass back into the real world.

„Okay, good talk, always glad to spend time with my co-worker!“, Tobi called from downstairs. Hidan was too tired to wonder if he was being serious or sarcastic and simply rolled his eyes. You never knew with that moron, it had always been like working with someone who was wearing a mask. He could often tell that Tobi was just pretending to be in a good mood (or stupid) and it seemed like his colleague knew so much about him, but Hidan himself knew absolutely nothing about the other. Not that he ever cared to find out.

After the coffee machine spit out what he wanted, he went outside through the back door to have a smoke. Tobi was rummaging around in the storage room, Hidan could hear it because the window was tilted. Still he acted like he didn't notice the loud, dull crash followed by a muffled scream; that'll teach him a lesson.

At the same time he jammed his cigarette butt into the ashtray, his phone vibrated in his back pocket. Hidan fished it out and pulled a confused face when he read the name on the display.

„Yeah, what's up?“, he murmured while suppressing a yawn and leaned against a wall.

„...Hey.“, Deidara greeted him hesitantly. „Do you have time? I...“, it was silent for a short while and Hidan wondered if his friend was having an actual stroke.

„Well I'm at work, you know? But we won't open until eight so spit it out already.“

A deep sigh could be heard from the other line. „It's about Sasori. I-I think he's.... he's gone.“

Hidan almost dropped his cup. „What the hell you mean by that? Don't tell me...“ he stopped mid-sentence to avoid the word he was about to say.

_Holy shit. This can't be fucking true. Why the hell would he kill himself?! Why? How the fuck would that happen? Don't tell me that other bastard-_

„No, no... he wouldn't do anything like that.“, Deidara said like he could read his mind. „At least I hope so. But... I haven't heard anything from him since last Wednesday. And-“

„Now hold on dude, relax!“, Hidan said in an attempt to calm his nerves. „Maybe he's just ignoring you or whatever, you're pretty annoying after all.“

„Hidan, just... _please_. Stay serious. I know him, there's no way he'd act like this for so long. He wasn't at any of the lectures we normally have together. I asked one of our Profs but she wasn't allowed to tell me anything. But I think that he probably excused himself. A-anyways...I don't know what to do...“

Even though Hidan couldn't really understand what was going on, he decided to listen. Deidara could be a total drama queen, but he'd never make a joke about something that could be so extremely terrifying. His voice was shaky and judging from his tone, he was worried sick.

„Okay okay, calm down, D. Have you asked your uncle for help or anything like that?“

He hoped that he was saying the right things and not fucking up everything even more. But if anyone was able to manage difficult situations like this one, Mr. Kitsuchi was _the_ man. If he was able to handle Hidans drunk mother while single-handedly raising two kids and working full-time at his pottery, he would figure out a way to find a missing person. Deidara often told him that his uncle had very good connections to all sorts of people, so asking him would be the easiest way to go.

„You think I didn't try that already?“, his friend snapped at him and groaned in frustration. „Sorry. Yes he knows, but he tells me not to worry about it but I can't. I have a really bad feeling about all this...“

Hidan scratched the back of his neck. „Sooo... what do you want me to do? Not like I'm some kind of fucking Detective.“

„I know that you're at work but... you think you can drop by afterwards? Maybe we could drive around town or anything like that, maybe we'll see him somewhere. I'd do it myself but my cars' still at the garage.“

„Okay, yeah...“, he agreed, still a little bit puzzled. „Yeah, of course. Sure thing dude. I'll be there after six.“

The relief in Deidaras voice could be compared to a prisoner who's just been told his death sentence had been dropped. They agreed to meet up at his apartment in Iwa and figure out where to start their search. Hidan slid his phone in his pocket and went back inside, noticing that Konan had arrived and was trying to free Tobi from the boxes he was burried with. He literally had no goddamn idea where to look for a person he didn't know anything about. How were they supposed to find someone who could be _anywhere_?

 

They've been driving around for _hours_ and it was starting to get on Hidans nerves. The watch in his car was showing 01:30 am, it was dark and cold as fuck outside and if it had been for anyone else, he would've already been at home, not feeling guilty in the slightest. But this was his best friend who needed his help, and god knows Deidara had done enough for him. So it was only fair to return the offer, but the longer they were on the road, the smaller the hope of finding Sasori became. Hidan tried to call it a day a lot more times than he wanted to admit. There they were, looking for a person who couldn't get any more mysterious, driving through every single district they knew, only to be disappointed when they couldn't find anything. Well, the disappointment was more on Deidaras side, since Hidan had no relations to this guy whatsoever. Yet, a small part of him constantly worried about the fact that maybe Sasori didn't vanish from the face of earth by his own decision; and that a certain someone made that decision _for_ him.

Hidan suggested to take a break at a gas station in Konoha. His tank was almost empty and he was craving something to drink. Deidara, even though being a little hestitant at first, agreed, and now the were standing outside of his jeep, each one drinking a Red Bull in silence.

„So...“, Hidan began. „What are we supposed to do next? We've been goddamn' everywhere except from Kiri and Suna. Which is pretty stupid by the way, didn't you say Sasori _was_ from Suna?“

Deidara let out a huff. „I don't think he's in either of those places. He has a small apartment in Iwa, but its kind of in a remote area of the city. I already checked it a few days ago, my uncle drove me. But nobody would open the door.“, he crouched down and took a big gulp from his can with a miserable look. His long hair was partly hiding his face, but Hidan was still able to tell. „His car is still there. That's what is confusing the shit out of me. How was he able to leave without it?“, a small smile appeared on his best friends' lips for the first time today. „He _hates_ public transportation. He'd rather light himself on fire than step inside a bus.“

Hidan couldn't help but grin at the thought while searching for his lighter. _Where's that piece of shit again... I swear to god these things are cursed._

„Well, what if he did light himself on fire?“, he joked and was met with an ultimate death glare.

„...Too soon?“

„Yeah, you could call it that.“

Deidara checked his phone for the hundredth time and only looked up when he saw cigarette smoke rising up in the cold air.

„Hey.“, he said all of a sudden. „Have you been thinking what I've been thinking?“

Hidan pulled a confused face and leaned against his jeep. „Is this _Quizmaster_ or some shit? If it has anything to do with art you probably can answer that question your damn self.“

Deidara seemingly ignored his comment and didn't say a word for a very long time. Then, he took a deep breath and slowly placed his Red Bull on the ground. „You don't happen to know anything about the Kaze family, do you?“

„Uhh...nope and why the hell would I care?“

The blond glanced at Hidan before looking up to the dark night sky. „They are the wealthiest family in Suna. The head of the family is also the current mayor there.“

Hidan shrugged while watching the ashes from his cig falling to the ground and groaned. It was too late for this bullshit and he wanted Deidara to just get it over with. „Your point is...?“

The other frowned and rolled his eyes. „Take a wild guess who is also part of that family.“

_God._ He felt like he was back in school and dealing with his atrocious teacher who tried to explain math. That shit would never ever make sense to him.

„Okay listen dude, I'm dead tired and-“, he interrupted his own trail of thought when the sudden realization hit him.

„Holy shit. Don't tell me it's that fucker from last time.“

Deidaras laugh was short and bitter. „Wish I could. His name is Saburo Kaze and he's not just some random guy you can kick in the ass and he'll be done for. And the worst part is: the present mayor is planning on retiring soon.“

His best friend got back up und threw his can across the street, where it landed in a bush.

„And he is going to take his place.“

Hidan remembered when he told Deidara about his mother. How he stood there next to his car without saying anything, for what felt like hours.

„Shit.“

Deidara nodded in agreement.

„Yeah.“

 

Hidan almost fell out of his bed when his alarm went off in the morning. Groggy and slightly confused from sleep, he barely managed to turn the annoying shrill off and drag himself into the bathroom. Looking upon the state of his tank top, he had one of these nightmares that he couldn't remember the next day, but which left him unbearably sweaty and sticky. Smelling like beer and feeling overall pretty disgusting, he went back to his room to grab some fresh clothes and decided to take a shower. He carelessly kicked the empty cans on the ground in the opposite corner of his room and groaned slightly as he noticed that one of them was only half empty and spilled its content on the floor. Hidan accepted the fact that he was too tired to care and left the whole situation be something his future self could take care of.

It hasn't exactly been his plan to spent his entire Saturday roleplaying as Sherlock fucking Holmes but he knew he would feel incredibly guilty deep down if he rejected Deidaras request for help. He wanted to check through the hospitals just to be sure they didn't miss anything, and later they would take a trip to Suna after all. Hidan wasn't exactly looking forward to it, especially because it felt like he was only being used as a taxi again. However, he would never admit it to anyone, but he was actually concerned as well; judging from the event at Deidaras school, that weird, rich family surley didn't achieve their high position by being nice and friendly.

After finishing breakfast, Hidan sent a quick text to his friend to see if he was done brushing his hair like Rapunzel.

 

**To: 'mornin asshat'**

 

**From: 'Why are you awake?? It's like 10'**

 

**To: 'r u kidding me u told me to**

**u were the one who wanted to start early'**

 

**From: 'I didnt think you'd actually do it :-D**

**Anyways dude we have a problem and I need another favour'**

 

**To: 'Im already doing you a favour and ur asking for a favour ON TOP of that favour??'**

 

**From: '….........is that a yes'**

 

**To: 'what the fuck do u need'**

 

**From: 'So my uncle is forcing me and Kuro to help him out today. He got a shit ton of orders and he can't do it alone'**

 

**To: 'ur calling that whole thing off??'**

 

**From: 'No!! ofc not**

**I was wondering if you could do this alone'**

 

**To: 'What??!! No way in hell dude idk how to do that shit'**

 

**From: 'Pleeeeaassee....I feel like the worst friend ever but you know that my uncle will kill us both if I won't help him.....we need to find Sas, the faster the better'**

 

**To: 'u mean I need to find him'**

 

**From: '...'**

 

**To: 'u really are the worst friend ever'**

 

**From: ':-('**

 

**To: 'Uuuuuuuugh. Ok fine I'll do it. U owe me big time loser istg'**

 

Hidan agreed and couldn't believe that he did. What was it with Deidara and his talent for persuation? Or maybe he was just really stupid enough to let himself get convinced in the first place. But it was also because he kew that Mr. Kitsuchi had the potential to shred them both into tiny pieces, he was definitely not a man to be messed with. And if Deidara was needed in the pottery, he absolutely _had_ to be there, no way around it.

 

**From: 'oh thank god**

**Dude you're the best I really owe you one'**

 

**To: 'yeah yeah shut up u little pest**

**u can kiss my feet later'**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it normal to cringe at your own writing? I really hope this is just my low self esteem speaking.  
> Hi everyone! I finally managed to upload Chapter 3. How did you like it? I'd really like to know your opinion. So, Sas finally made a proper appearence! I'm not sure if I portayed him well, I always worry about characters being too OOC. Also, a little note: In the first chapter, I described a situation in which I mentioned an Italian man. But then, 300 years later, I realized that there is no Italy in the Narutoverse! (at least I don't know of it?) Anyways, I edited it out so no one would get confused.  
> Also, did you like the name I chose for Sasoris boyfriend? Saburo is not just a random name I pulled out of my ass, it actually means 'the third son' (depends on the kanji). Because the third Kazekage doesn't have a canon name I decided to give him one.  
> Until the next chapter! Hopefully I'll be able to upload sooner.


	4. That's not the shape of my heart

Konohas hospital was Hidans last stop. He actually visited every single one in every district except from his own because they didn't have a hospital in the first place. Well, they used to have one but it closed down many, many years ago. And since the number of Yus residents drastically declined from year to year, nobody really bothered in opening at least a smaller one. Not that the city could've afforded it anyways.

Hidan hoped that he could wipe the memory of this entire day from his mind forever. Not only was he responsible for almost causing a car accident at least three different times because he tried to light a cigarette while simultaneously driving and looking at his phone for directions, but also got completely lost in the Kumo district and it took him several hours to find his way back out. He also made a complete moron out of himself when he realized that he didn't know anything about Sasori despite his name and therefore had little to no information to offer the people working at the specific clinics. Hidan texted and called Deidara several times but thanks to his luck he recieved no answers and was automatically redirected to his friends' mailbox. Then his own phone shut itself off because he forgot to charge it the night before, and at the end the only thing he could depend on was himself.

 

It was already pretty late when he finally arrived in Konoha and passed the automatic doors, strolling towards the night nurse sitting behind a neat reception desk covered with ugly plastic plants. The lights in the entrance area were already dimmed and the young woman was apparently the only person left. It smelled of disinfectant, paper and coffee. Whenever Hidan stepped foot into a hospital he felt like he had entered an alternate dimension. Time was somewhat passing quicker, then suddenly extremely slow and it created the impression that nothing else existed outside the building anymore. Also, not to mention the huge white walls sending a cold shiver down his spine; needless to say, Hidan hated any kind of medical facility and he's had enough of them for the next couple of years. Or decades.

When the nurse noticed him she quickly put her book down with a slightly forced smile on her face, making it clear that he was bothering her.

„Good evening, can I help you?“

„Uh, yeah... at least I hope you fucki-, shit that's not what I was trying to-, ah _fuck-_ “

The nurse gave him a slightly annoyed look. „Are you in need of medical help? If you're here to visit someone, I'm sorry but it's too late for that, you'd have to come back tomorrow.“

Hidan slid a hand across his face and let out a breath. „No, no, 'mfine...“, he murmured, noticing how the bright light from the nurses' table lamp was burning his tired eyes. „I, uh...okay, this will sound incredibly stupid but-“

He mentally prepared himself to get yelled at (at least that's what had happened in Iwa) and rested his elbows on the counter. „I'm looking for some idiot and I'd hoped that maybe I'll find him here.“

The nurse raised her eyebrows and took a small gulp from her steaming hot cup. „Interesting. I'm sorry, but we do not have a patient named 'idiot' registered in our databases.“

„Wait, wha-“

„My point is:“, she gave him another forced smile. „I need that persons' full name and date of birth at least. Can you provide me with that?“

 

_Here we go again._

 

„No, I don't.“, Hidan responded while squinting his eyes to read the name tag on her workwear.

„That's the goddamn problem. Listen, uh...“, he looked at her name tag once more to be sure he got it right. „Ms. Haruno, right? listen, the only thing I know about this dude is that his name is Sasori, he has red hair and is extremely fucking short.“

Hidan vaguely gestured towards his right shoulder to emphasize the last part of his description.

Ms. Haruno gave him a suspicious look and crossed her arms. „Okaaay...and what relations do you have with that man?“

„Uh...“

„Because if you're not a close family member or a friend I can't give you any answers.“

Hidan pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. Fatigue was gnawing on every single one of his bones and there was a bothering, yet somehow comforting fogginess in his head. It seemed like the nurse knew something. He didn't know what it was, but he just _had_ to find out. He would even be satisfied with a simple 'no' or 'please leave', anything to finally get what he needed, end this conversation and get out of this horrendous place. And so he clawed onto the first idea his stand-by brain spat out: „Well it's neither of those. I'm-“, he stopped to search for the right word, „I'm his boyfriend.“

 

_Ha. Check-mate, you pink haired-_

 

„Oh, really?“, the nurse deadpanned in response. „Are you?“

„Yeah, really. Got a problem with that?“, Hidan snapped back. He watched her roll her eyes and muster him from head to toe.

„If you're assuming that I'm homophobic you're definitely wrong. I just feel sorry for that guy. You don't even know his birthday? He could really do better than that.“

The obvious burn made him wince and he wanted to slam his forehead against the desk. Shit. Was that the only idea he could've come up with?! He didn't come here to discuss relationships or gay rights but now it was too late to get out of that so he had to stick to his original plan – if one could even call it that.

„You just don't get it. It's uh...complicated...“

The woman sat on her chair with crossed arms and risen eyebrows, and it reminded Hidan of the time he grabbed a coffee with Konan during her lunch break. She had a very similar kind of look on her face when he told her about the most stupid way to get fired.

Still, he was getting tired of keeping his charade up. It was hard enough to pretend to be something he clearly wasn't, but the nurse seemed like she didn't believe a single word he said anyway. And he couldn't even blame her for that; he's never been able to lie himself out of a situation, that's more Deidaras style. Hidan made a mental note to kick his ass next time he saw him.

„Listen.“, Ms. Haruno suddenly said and gave him a stern look. „You're lucky I'm the head nurse so I know most of what's been going on around here lately.“

She leaned forwards and started typing something into her computer with a determined spark in her green eyes. After a while, which felt like years to him, she finally tore her gaze away from the screen.

„I remember someone from this emergency protocol a couple of days back. I can't tell you much about him, not even when or why exactly he came here, but this patients' name I'm referring to is also Sasori. I'm guessing that's the guy you're looking for because I don't know a lot of parents who'd give their child a name which literally means 'Scorpion'. But this is all just guess-work.“

Hidan felt a glimpse of hope rising in his chest. He was just about to give up and turn his back on this stupid place and was extremely glad that he didn't.

„Holy shit, that's even more then I expected. You nurses really have the memory of an elephant. Thanks, dude! Uh, I mean-“, he stopped mid-sentence and decided to correct himself. That was the least thing he could do.

„Thanks, Ms. Haruno.“

She gave him a more friendlier smile. „Two of my colleagues were talking about it while I was in the staff room getting ready for my shift. I was never directly involved in that case but those two had a lot of theories on what happened to him.“

His hope was quickly replaced with fear and it took him a lot of courage to ask the next question:

„Do you know how...bad it was?“

„No, not really. As I stated, I just briefly overheard their chat. However, I do know that he was accompanied by someone, probably a friend, but I can't tell for sure.“

 

_Fuck._

 

„Uh, and that someone, could he have possibly been, like...“, he scratched the back of his head in embarrassment because he knew how paranoid he sounded about all this. „...somebody famous? Like someone from that Kazoo family maybe...?“

Ms. Haruno let out a snort. „You mean those guys from Suna?“

„Yeah.“

„They're called _Kaze_ by the way. And no, I'm sure that was someone else. Because otherwise it would've spread like wildfire the whole staff would've gone completely crazy.“

She shook her head. „I get it I guess, they're all pretty good looking, rich and so on. But we have enough chaos over here already so now that I think of it, I'm pretty relieved that it was a regular person. Even though I would've probably been as excited as anyone else.“

Hidan wanted to tell her what happened at the school and how much he slowly started to hate every single member of that godforsaken family. He couldn't believe that those people were able to make everyone admire them despite possibly being complete shitstains. But was it even a good idea to talk about it? Was Sasoris relationship a secret? He was getting more and more pissed the longer he thought about it but the nurse quickly interrupted that.

„Look“, she began, „I already told you way too much. Every patients' data should be protected and it could cost me my job if any of my superiors found out about it. But my intuition is always right when it comes to people and you seem like an honest guy. And by the way, I don't really believe the whole 'boyfriend' thing. But anyways-“, she gave him a serious look. „This is all the information I can provide you with. Don't make me regret my decision.“

 

 

Hidan promised himself that he would drive home, go to bed and visit Deidara the next day to beat his ass. After leaving the hospital he quickly got into his jeep and left as fast as he could, wondering what exactly he was supposed to do with the newfound knowledge he received from the head nurse. Despite everything, he only hardly understood what happened and he didn't know where he was supposed to search next. Sasori was a complete stranger to him and normally he would've stopped caring a long time ago but something inside of him wasn't able to just let things be. Not this time at least, and before he realized what was going on he was already heading towards Suna in the middle of the night. Even though he was tired as hell, even though Suna was two hours away, he simply bought an energy drink from a gas station and kept driving without taking a single break. Hidan excused his behavior by claiming that was just the kind of person he was. He hated half-assing things and could get rather headstrong once he really got himself into something. There wasn't anything else to it, really.

It was 12:30 am when he was able to leave the highway. Hidan barely made it through the industrial area in the remote region of Suna before finding his way to what he assumed was a grocery store parking lot, shutting the engine of his car and falling asleep immediately. Little did he know that he was completely wrong with his assumption and around seven in the morning somebody knocked on the window of his jeep. He jolted awake and punched against the window out of reflex. The person backed away, holding both hands up, but didn't leave. Hidan rubbed the knuckles of his right hand and then slowly opened the window, which fortunately was still intact.

„...What the fuck do you want...?“, he grunted, partly because of the pain, party because he was a little groggy from sleeping.

„Uh hey, good morning! Are you alright?“

A young man, probably around his own age, was shyly smiling at him and tipped his hat.

„I was, until you decided to wake me up.“

„Sorry about that. However, I need to inform you that you are standing on private property.“

The man pulled some kind of notepad out of his breast pocket. „I guess you're a tourist, so I'll let you go with a warning. But please be more thoughtful next time.“

 

_What the hell is he talking about?!_

 

Hidan rubbed his eyes and mustered the guy for a long time while the other kept babbling about something he couldn't make sense of because of his drowsiness. He had dark green hair and a kind of goofy smile. The blue uniform he was wearing was a little too big and made him look like three kids stacked under a trench coat. It was only after he recognized the clothes that it finally hit him.

„Wait a minute...are you some kind of ...meter maid?“, he asked and absently rubbed his neck. Sleeping in a car sure was uncomfortable. He felt more like he got chewed up by a lawn mower than he felt well rested.

„I prefer the term parking inspector but...yes, I am. And this is my first day! Seems like we're both kind of new, aren't we?“

Hidan shrugged but watched his mouth because he really didn't need to get the cops called on him.

„Yeah, sure, whatever. What do you mean by 'tourist'? I'm not really here for sightseeing...“

„Your license plate gave it away. You're from Yu, aren't you?“

The parking inspector smiled at him again and Hidan just wanted him to go away. What was it with himself and always attracting weird people who wanted to chat? But on the other side, maybe that guy could at least tell him the way to the hospital.

„Yeah, I am...“

„Hah, I knew it! I've never seen a plate like yours before. Do you guys avoid us so much over there?“

He giggled at his own joke like a little schoolgirl and put his notebook back in his pocket with a huge grin. How in the hell could that guy be so damn cheerful so early in the morning? Hidan needed at least two hours in advance to even get out of bed.

 

_God, this is so annoying. I don't want to small talk with this guy. Somebody just kill me already!!_

 

„Okay listen dude, I think I got it now.“, he began. „I'll get the hell out of here, I just need to know where the hospital is, that's all.“

„The hospital? You wanna visit someone?“

Hidan awkwardly shifted his eyes from left to right. „Yeeeah...something like that. I'm looking for someone. Now can you give me directions or not?!“

He probably sounded really suspicious, like a serial killer or some kind of hitman trying to find his target in a very subtle way. In a way so subtle that he was even able to fool the local policemen. Or meter maids, for that matter.

„Sure I can! Always glad to help!“, the man beamed and stretched his hand out for a handshake. „The names' Komushi. How about you?“

Hidan couldn't believe how much he had to go through. Embarrassing himself, getting yelled at, making a nurse risk her job and now being harassed by some weirdo, only to find one single little fucker? Deidara was going to pay.

He returned the handshake, told his name and wiped his hand on his jacket while the meter maid scribbled down directions on his notepad.

„There you go! But are you sure you're gonna be alright? Suna is quite big, you wouldn't be the first one getting lost in our city.“

Komushi gave him a worried look and Hidan wanted to punch him _so bad_ but he knew he had to restrain himself. He didn't want to go to jail yet. So he took a deep breath and even managed to squeeze out a forced smile but it probably just looked like he had a bad case of diarrhea.

„Nah, 's alright, dude. You don't have to-“

„Oh, I have an idea!“

„Um...dude, seriously, I-“

„I'm working until 4 today. How about I invite you to a drink at our local pub?“

„No, I really don't fuc-“

„Come on, it'll be fun!“

 

_God, that guy is persistent..._

 

Considering his options, Hidan admitted that he didn't really have any other choice. He could either drive around town and get lost like it happened in Kumo or he could accept this offer of kindness. Even though that Komushi guy reminded him of Tobi (even though the other was _way_ more loopy) he really looked like he just wanted to help. And hell, free drinks? At least Hidan could reward himself for driving around the whole goddamn world.

„Okay, fine.“, he finally agreed while letting out an annoyed sigh. „I'll come with you.“

„Really?“

„Yeah...“

„Great!“, Komushi cheered while smacking his hands together. „Let's meet here around 4:30? We can even take my car if you want to. Traffic can get rather irritating around that time.“

„Okay, yeah, sure...“, Hidan muttered in response. He was barely listening because he was trying to decipher the written description on the piece of paper that Komushi gave him.

„Good! See ya later!“, and with that he was gone. Hidan watched him leave for a short while before lighting a cig and starting his car.

 

_Shit, what have I gotten myself into..?!_

 

 

 

Sunas hospital had nothing. Not that Hidan expected anything else. After briefly describing his situation, the nurse just told him the same things he had already heard. That they needed more information about the patient and that they couldn't tell him anything unless he was family, blah blah blah. He thanked them either way and left. Hidan slowly started to doubt whether or not he would find anything in Suna. His gut feeling was telling him that it was a waste of time. But he decided to double-check anyway, so now he really had done everything he could. Right?

The nurses' words were still roaming in his head. If the person she meant and the one Hidan was looking for really were the same, then...why? Why going to the emergency room in Konoha? Why not in Iwa, Sasori lived there after all, right? He couldn't make any sense of it and it drove him crazy. By now, he knew that he was way too invested in this whole thing but as stubborn as he was, it was already too late to turn his back on everything and just fuck off. Not only did Deidara deserve a clear answer to where his friend was (even though Hidan was definitely going to punch him anyhow, he remembered the mental note he made earlier) but also the nagging feeling of guilt prevented him from giving up. What if he was responsible for whatever happened between Sasori and his boyfriend? What if he stirred something up that was supposed to stay down?

 

After finding a different parking spot and leaving Suna's hospital he walked around town for a bit to find a decent place to eat and by cigarettes, subconsciously searching for a certain redhead. But instead of finding who he was looking for, he found himself completely baffled by Sunas friendliness. Back in his own district one could count themselves lucky if they at least didn't get stabbed while being robbed. But here? It seemed like every passing pedestrian was smiling at him and he had already been greeted five times at least. First, Hidan was taken aback by such a great amount of hospitality but he tried to relax into it and enjoy not having to watch his own back all the time when being in Yu. Nevertheless, it was still hard because he couldn't figure out if those people were serious or not.

Later, as Hidan was about to meet up with Komushi, he walked by an electronics shop and stopped to look at the expensive, flashy flatscreen TVs they were trying to sell. There were at least four models displayed, each one showing a different program.

 

_Holy shit, that's a lot of money. Who in the hell is able to afford those?!_

 

He then realized that not everyone was as poor as him and probably earned much more money, thus had the opportunity to treat themselves to a luxury or two. A little crushed, he kicked against an empty soda can on the ground and it slid across the pavement. He turned his glance towards the TVs one last time, already wondering which turn he had to take next, when one of them flicked to the news channel and the thing he saw almost made him forget how to breathe.

Obviously, he couldn't hear any sound as there was a glass window between him and the shops' interior, but the person shown in the report was more than enough. Hidan watched Saburo Kaze swarmed by paparazzi as he was attempting to get inside a black limousine, smiling and waving towards the people gathered in the background. Immediately, the bile rising in his stomach was so high he could almost taste it.

 

_That slimy bastard..._

 

There was a short footage of the car driving off and then the news channel switched back to the host, but only seconds later the TV changed the program to an infomercial about floor cleaning mops.

Those people obviously didn't know what kind of person that guy really was. And according to the fact that Deidara was worried sick, he was probably anything else than nice. Hidan didn't have any details as his friend refused to tell him, but it didn't take a lot of brain cells to put the puzzle pieces together. Still, Hidan hoped that he was wrong.

 

 

 

The pub was incredibly full, noisy and the floor was sticky because people were spilling their drinks everywhere. Hidan sat at a table with Komushi and his friends he got introduced to, but he didn't really bother remembering their names and they looked like the feeling was mutual.

Hidan barely listened to the stories Komushi had to tell and focused on keeping his mouth shut about the alcohol-free beer instead. He also didn't care much when the other left the table a couple of minutes later, leaving him alone with some people who clearly weren't interested in having a conversation with him. Either way, that was definitely _not_ what he had expected when being invited to a drink. His beer tasted bland and actually nothing like beer at all, but Komushi insisted on him trying it out and now there he was, regretting his decision to tag along in the first place. He probably shouldn't have told him that he was planning on heading back home later in the evening.

„You're not gonna drive around drunk, are ya?“, he asked him when they were ordering their drinks.

„Uhh...actually-“

„What?! Really?“

„Whatever dude, It's not like I'm planning on getting incredibly hammered. I've done it before, it's cool.“

„No, I'm sorry but I can't let you do it. It'd be my fault if something happened to you! Try the beer here instead, it's pretty good.“

Hidan rolled his eyes at that statement and was about to by something with his own money when Komushi switched his attention to the barkeeper and straight up told him not serve any alcoholic beverages to the 'tourist'. The whole night. They seemed to be friends and the barkeeper just laughed, nodded and threw a gloating grin his way.

 

_Oh great. Now I even have to be completely sober while hanging out with this idiot._

 

And the worst part was that Komushi picked him up with his car so now Hidan didn't even have the option to bail out and just drive home. And walking to his jeep would take at least over half an hour.

He was so busy sulking and feeling sorry for himself that the sudden, soft nudge against his arm startled him a bit.

„Are you okay?“

One of Komushis friends, a guy with some really sick looking face tattoos smiled at him and shoved another meatball in his mouth. Hidan nodded and nipped at his bottle, pulled a disgusted face and shoved it far away from him. Why the hell was he still drinking that shit?! Meatball guy let out a loud laugh.

„The beer here sure sucks, doesn't it?“

„It's fucking repulsive.“

„You're tellin' me! The only thing this dirthole here is good at is the food.“

He just kept talking while chewing with an open mouth and wiping his face with the backside of his hand to get rid of the barbecue sauce smudged all over his chin. The blonde girl next to him kicked his leg under the table and glared at him in a scolding manner.

„Ouch! what the hell, Temari?!“, meatball guy exclaimed and bent down to rub his right leg.

„You look like a pig.“, she simply stated and handed him a napkin. „At least _try_ to behave.“

„Aw, come on big sis, it's not a big deal. I know what you said, okay? Everything's going juuust fine.“ He smiled at her and leaned back in his seat. „Right, dude?“

Hidan, who already stopped caring about their banter, raised an eyebrow. „Huh? Yeah sure, whatever.“

The blonde girl huffed. „Look, I get that you're pissed that Komushi isn't sitting with us and running around the whole pub instead but if you really want this, you have to get used to it.“, she gestured between her, meatball guy and a quiet dude with red hair who was also sitting at the table, glued to his phone, „and to us, of course.“

 

_Huh..?!_

 

„Wh...what the hell are you talking about...?“

„Oh, he's playing the oblivious card!“, the man with the face tats finger gunned at Hidan. „Don't worry, we know exactly what's going on an-“ He was interrupted by his sister who covered his mouth with her hands. „Shut up you stupid dork!“, she hissed and kicked him a second time.

„Not again!! That hurt! Stop choosin' the same spot over and over again!“

„Just stuff your face with meatballs and let me do the talking.“

„Fine, fine. But you're paying the second batch!“

„In your dreams.“

If Hidan could be anything he wanted to be in that very moment, he'd probably be a very big question mark. Puzzled, he looked between meatball guy and knockdown girl and asked: „What the hell is going on here? Has any of this anything to do with me? I hope not because I literally have no fucking idea what you're talking about.“

„Hmmm...you sure are a tough one, huh?“

„Oh lord.“, the blonde groaned and let her hand hit her face. „Kankuro, _shut up_. Don't make me say it again.“

„Okay, okay!“, he pulled his hands up in defeat. „Alright...don't have to be so mean though...“

Hidan watched as the girl stood up and crammed through her purse to pull out a pack of cigarettes. She nodded towards the back door and mustered him.

„I'm gonna go for a smoke. You're with me, big guy?“

 

 

The silence between them felt really awkward. Hidan was still incredibly confused and wanted to understand what they were talking about earlier. But for that he'd have to ask the girl standing next to him but he forgot her name. He struggled and failed to recall the scene where Komushi introduced them to each other. Meatball guy was called Kankuro, that much he knew, but the other two?

Hidan side-eyed her while she was looking up into the already dark sky, arms crossed and cigarette smoke mixing with the cold November air.

 

_God, what was her name again....Temora? No, that sounds wrong. Tempura....? No, that can't be right. That's a food, isn't it? Damn it all to hell. Come on brain!_

 

He scratched the back of his neck.

 

_Tonarith....Tararin....no...Terebinth? Wait a minute, that's an instrument...Tunari...Tata –_

 

„What do you want?“, the girl asked swiftly.

Hidan realized that he had been staring at her like a creep the whole time and quickly waved it off. „Uh...Nothing. Just got lost in thought.“

„Oh, really?“

„Yeah..“

He took a drag from his smoke and got a weird feeling in his gut when she suddenly approached him and touched his chest with her free index finger, slowly sliding it down and stopping right on his abdomen.

„...Now what the hell is that supposed to be?“, Hidan grunted and wanted to back away but he was already leaning against a wall. He wasn't in the mood for some quicky in the bathroom stalls and he'd probably be too tired to get it up anyways. Also, she wasn't really his type. Like, at all.

The blonde raised an eyebrow at him and a small smile appeared on her lips.

„Those thoughts of yours...“, she breathed while clearly trying to make sexy eye contact, „They couldn't have possibly been about me, could they...?“

Hidan was still figuring out her name and tried to avoid her glance. This was getting incredibly weird and uncomfortable.

„Well, yeah, actually I've been trying to-“

She promptly shushed him by putting her finger on his lips this time. „You don't have to explain yourself. Just say one word and...“

She looked behind her at the couple who have been eyeing them in a prying manner for the whole time (as if the situation wasn't awkward enough yet) and hurried back inside when they noticed the girls' look. „We could disappear somewhere more...private.“

 

_What the hell is her deal?_

 

„Okay, enough of you and your seducing!“, Hidan snapped and pushed her away. „Listen, I'm not into you or something like that. Was just trying to figure out your goddamn name! Now back off.“

The girl let out a huff and grinned at him which was even more irritating than her trying to get him hot and bothered.

„Good. You passed.“

„Huh...?“

„My name is Temari. And you just passed your first test.“

„I...I have no clue what is going on anymore. Care to explain?“

Temari just shrugged, showed him a sly smile and threw her cigarette butt into an ashtray.

„Oh, you'll see. Don't worry. Now come on, let's get back inside.“

Hidan was tired. He was so tired and his head was spinning, he just couldn't care anymore. Following her back to their table, he was still dumbfounded but at that point just accepted his fate. He pushed his way through the mass of people and ordered a soda, then headed back while mentally preparing himself for the next 'test' or whatever. Komushi had returned as well and Hidan silently sat down next to him and opened his can. At first, nobody payed attention to him. Relieved, he took a big gulp from his soda while mustering Komushi from the side. He was excitedly gesturing with his hands and talking about someone from work. His bubbliness really reminded him of Tobi.

Coincidentally, he noticed the way Temari was looking at him, then at Komushi, then back at him and Hidan was close to dropping his can as he finally realized what was going on.

„You thought I wanted to FUCK him?!“

Kankuro choked on a meatball and loudly began to cough and spit across the whole table. With a red face and tears in his eyes, he managed to squeeze out: „You don't?“

„Oh my god.“ Temari buried her face in her hands and started to laugh. The red haired boy shook his head and tried to save Kankuro from choking to death. „I told you it was a bad idea...“, he mumbled.

„Guys, what's going on?“, Komushi asked and gave Hidan a bewildered look.

„Your friends are fucking idiots. They thought this was a date or something like that.“

„What?! Oh no...“

Komushis face flushed red in embarrassment and he was lost for words. „I-I'm...I'm so sorry...I mean-I...“, he let his hand meet his forehead. „Dude, I'm really sorry for that. I promise you, I wasn't trying to get in your pants or anything...“

He glared at his friends, especially at Temari since Kankuro was still busy dying, but she acted like she didn't know what he was talking about.

„I-I mean, don't get me wrong, you are handsome...“, Komushi scratched the back of his head and laughed nervously, „but I was really just trying to help. Sorry if that rubbed you the wrong way. Wait no, I didn't meant to say that, like, in a flirty way, I don't know if you have anything against gay peopl-“

Hidan was starting to get annoyed by Komushis stuttering and wanted to reassure him that it really wasn't such a big deal, when Kankuro somehow managed to come back from the dead. Coughing and sounding like he swallowed shards of glass, he stated: „I knew from the start that it wouldn't work out. Just so you guys know.“

Temaris jaw dropped in disbelief. „Excuse me? It was _your_ idea! You were the one who read too much into it.“

„No, I clearly said that-“

She kicked him a third time, gave him a death glare and redirected her attention to Komushi. „Yeah, we're really sorry. But thank god you're not into him!“, she shrugged as Hidan scoffed, „No offense, but you're kind of a dickhead.“

„Guys, can we please end this conversation? I think I'm embarrassed enough for today.“, Komushi whined, crossed his arms on the table and buried his head in them.

„I agree on that.“, said the red-haired boy and sympathetically patted Komushis back, „And next time, you two should just ask directly if it is a friend or something more.“

Temari turned her head away with a slight blush across her cheeks and Kankuro rose one wobbly arm to show a thumbs up. He then hastily proceeded to clean the table which was still full of meat and saliva.

 

 

„Are you really sure you want to head home now?“

Hidan was standing outside the pub next to Komushis car. Komushi himself was already inside the vehicle and acting like a worried mother hen. He learned from Kankuro that his friend had always been this way and generally speaking, nobody was safe from his kind gestures.

Overall, the rest of the evening wasn't as horrible as Hidan had thought it would be. Even though it took a while to clear up the misunderstanding (Komushi kept on whining for a little while before eventually getting over it) but at the end he actually got along with everyone just fine.

„Yes“, Hidan emphasized while throwing his smoke butt on the ground and putting it out with his shoe, „now stop worrying so much. I'm not some kind of brat!“

He sat down on the passenger seat and put his seatbelt on. Komushi started the engine and followed Hidan's directions to bring him to his jeep.

„Sorry. I know it's annoying but I just can't help it, y'know? I don't want to be responsible if something happened. To anybody. I don't think I could handle it...“

Hidan groaned. „Stop apologizing the whole time, dude. There's nothing to be sorry about.“

He absently watched the flickering lights of the street lamps they passed. Night had already crawled upon the city but there were no stars to bee seen due to cloudiness. As they drove through the suburban area the bright neon signs and billboards disappeared and were replaced with quiet, empty pavements and houses which looked exactly the same.

„That's a really good trait you have. Keep a hold on it.“, Hidan said after a while.

„Really...?“

„Yeah...The world needs more people like you. We don't have that kind of folk in Yu.“

Komushi seemed like he wanted to say something in response but decided against it. Instead, he went completely silent and just focused on the road. But after some time, Hidan had almost forgotten the conversation, he spoke his mind.

„This is gonna sound really sappy but...you're the first person to tell me that. Besides my parents, I mean. I...“ Komushi let out a sigh.

„I always wanted to work at the police station close to where we used to live. Helping and protecting people, you know? And showing off my badge to my family of course.“, his followed laugh sounded more sad than happy. „I passed all the training, all the exams. I thought: 'This is what I want to do with my life.' And I worked hard for it. But the station quickly realized that I was too...uh...kind.“

„Huh? 'Too kind'?“

„Yeah. Pretty stupid but...it's true. I'd gotten way too soft and let a lot of people go with a warning even though they didn't deserve it. Then some things happened...and now I'm just a regular parking inspector.“

„What kind of – hey, we're here!“

The chat ended abruptly as they reached their destination. Komushi insisted on exchanging numbers and Hidan begrudgingly went along with it, regretting it almost instantly. But on the upside he could finally drive home, falling into his own bed and not sleeping in the drivers' seat. At first he didn't notice anything different about his jeep. But the closer he got, the more it seemed like something was off.

„Holy shit!“, he exclaimed while bending down to take a closer look. Somebody had slit all four of his tires.

 

 

 

„I have someone living with me right now, I hope you don't mind!“

Komushi unlocked the door to his apartment and kicked his shoes off on his way in. Hidan followed him, feeling comfortable right away because this apartment was just as messy as his own. There were half empty plastic bottles, T-shirts, pants and bags lying around on the floor. The windows had no curtains and on the window sill in the kitchen stood a dead plant next to a used ashtray. Hidan guessed it was from the person living with him since he didn't see him smoke the whole night.

„I'd like to offer you a place to sit but...all my chairs are kind of...full of clothes. And garbage. Yeah. That, too.“

Komushi briefly touched his nose and an awkward smile appeared in his lips. „The guest room is taken but hey, the living room is all yours! Let me just uh...clean up a little bit. You can go on the balcony for a smoke if you want! But don't forget to take the ashtray.“

Hidan stepped outside and watched him rushing through the whole apartment, hastily throwing piles of trash and clothes on...other piles of trash and clothes in different corners. Seemed like goody-two-shoes had a dark secret after all: Laziness. Or he was a compulsive hoarder. Maybe both.

He laughed at Komushi getting flustered when he was met with a mocking grin and he turned around with an incredibly red face to pick up litter from the ground, stuffing everything in a small plastic bag. As Hidan kept enjoying him being a moron he noticed crumbled tissue papers lying on a small table between the couch and TV. At first he was really disgusted due to knowing what those probably had been used for but quickly observed the dark-red, brownish splotches covering the white fabric. However, he wasn't able to really make out what it was exactly since Komushi, also known as the walking vacuum cleaner, swept them away into his bag and made a run for the kitchen.

 

_Was that...blood?_

 

Hidan decided to abandon the thoughts crossing his mind. It wasn't his business anyway. Judging from Komushi's character it was probably just a nose bleed or something similar. He put his cigarette out and went back inside to look for him; turned out he was was busy tidying the kitchen.

„Dude, you seriously don't have to clean the place, I don't give a fuck how messy it is.“

„Yeah I know, but my other guest does and there's a chance he will actually kill me this time if I don't do it.“, he said with a laugh, „By the way, I wonder where he is. Oh, and there's a fresh towel and a new toothbrush for you in the bathroom! Feel free to use it while I try to delay my prospective death!“

Hidan laughed at the joke but felt kind of frustrated inside. It was hard for him to handle so much kindness at once and it pissed him off because now he felt responsible for repaying the offer but he didn't know how.

„Fine.“, he finally grunted. „And...thanks, man. You're a life saver.“

Komushi shrugged and waved it off. „Well, I have to be useful for something, don't I?“

 

The hot water running down his back was the best thing Hidan had felt for a while. Washing off the stress and anger from the past two days was incredibly relieving and he almost fell asleep in the shower due to the rare sensation of not having his head crammed full of thoughts.

After getting out of the shower (he put his clothes back on even if they were used, feeling gross, but since Komushi didn't offer him any of his own he was left with no other option and also, it would probably sound creepy if he asked for them himself) he heard the front door unlock and someone getting inside the flat.

 

_Oh no. Please tell me that his roommate is an antisocial weirdo so he won't talk to me._

 

Hidan subconsciously listened to the muffled conversation between Komushi and the other person while brushing his teeth. And if he hadn't been so busy simultaneously trying to turn on his phone – he forgot that it wasn't charged – he would've noticed that the voice sounded strangely familiar.

 

„Hey, where were you?...I was worried.“

„None of your business. Why does your apartment still look like a dumpster?“

„Sorry, I kind of got held up at work today...“

„Work.“

„Yuuup...work...“

„So you just got home then.“

„Yeah...nightshift.“

„As a parking inspector...“

„Uh...I'm just as surprised as you are! Aaaanyways, change of topic...I have to confess something to you.“

„You sure have.“

„I kind of...invited someone to stay here over night.“

„You what?!“

„I know, I know, I'm sorry please don't be mad! He's just a regular guy, don't worry about him! He got lost and I helped him out.“

„...you're fucking him, aren't you.“

„No!! Why does everyone think that! Jeez, first Kankuro and the others and now you!“

„So you _were_ lying about the whole nightshift thing.“

„Umm...“

 

Pissed as hell, Hidan slammed the door open and came stomping into the kitchen, toothbrush still in his hand. „For the last fucking time, we're not –“

His words got stuck in his throat as did the air and he felt like he was about to have a blackout. Not remembering what he wanted to say or do and not knowing what he was supposed to do, he awkwardly stood there for what felt hours, staring right at the person who made him react that way in the first place.

Komushi looked between them both and scratched the back of his head.

„What's going on, Sasori? Do you guys know each other?“

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm back with another chapter.  
> First of all I wanted to apologize for my inconsistent uploading schedule. My life is kind of a chaos right now and I'm having trouble focusing on writing. I hope you can understand that. But I won't put this fic on hiatus or anything like that, I promise! There are still a lot of ideas to explore and character depth to add.  
> How did you enjoy readind this chapter? I'm sorry it's a little shorter than usual but it felt better to end it that way. The next one will be longer (I hope). Writing Komushi was so much fun!!   
> Oh by the way, the titles of the chapters are almost always lyrics from songs I really enjoyed listening to while writing. If you want me to, I'll add the artist and title at the end of the notes from now on. I.e. this chapters' title, 'Shape of my heart', is sung by 'Sting'.   
> I'll see you soon! And thank you so much for your kindness and support!♥


	5. Falling

To describe the atmosphere as 'tense' would be an understatement. Hidan was sitting at the kitchen table across from Sasori who was basically ignoring his entire existence. He was throwing annoyed looks at Komushi instead who sat between them both, terrified, and avoided his friends' glares by focusing on his coffee mug. Nobody had said anything yet; Sasori because he was busy being mad, Komushi because he was too scared to say anything at all and Hidan because he didn't know what to say in the first place. He found him. So now what? He never discussed that part of the plan with Deidara. What the hell was he supposed to do?  
„Sooo...”, Komushi began hesitantly after a long time of silence, „Uh... where did you guys meet each other?”   
Sasori sighed and crossed his arms.   
„Komushi.”  
„Yeeeah...?“  
„Do you know why I asked you not to invite people over while I'm here?“  
„Uhh...to be honest, I'm still kinda confused about the whole thing...“, he scratched the back of his head and glanced over to Hidan, begging for any kind of support, when his face suddenly went as pale as a ghost and he jerked up from his chair in panic.  
„Oh god...he's...he's one of them, isn't he..?! Oh no, what have I done..? What are we gonna do now Saso-“  
„Calm down.“, Sasori interrupted him. „No, he's not.“ 

Them?

Hidan watched him lighting a cigarette – the same brand that he bought, Marlboro Red – and standing up to tilt the kitchen window.   
Komushi saw that as his chance to get out of the room and over-enthusiastically exclaimed: „I-I'll get the ashtray!“  
„I can get it mysel-“  
„It's okay, I'm on it!“  
Despite the uncomfortable mood and the fact that Hidan was yet again about to be left alone with another weirdo he couldn't help but laugh at Komushi when the poor guy stumbled over one of his trash piles and fell face-first on the floor. A muffled groan could be heard from the living room, followed by the rattling sound of the balcony door opening.  
Sasori rolled his eyes and leaned against the wall next to the window. „Tch. Idiot.“   
Hidan, who was sitting with his back towards him, swirled around and got up from his chair as well. That guys' attitude was starting to get on his nerves again and he had the sudden urge to give him a piece of his mind.  
„C'mon, cut that dude some slack! At least he puts up with your shitty personality.“  
Sasori simply raised one eyebrow while exhaling a string of gray smoke in the air, looking overall pretty unimpressed. „I wasn't talking to you.“  
„Oh, you weren't? Well I don't give a flying fuck, you're gonna listen to me whether you want it or not!“  
The other just shrugged and took another deep drag while holding up the eye contact between them. Thin smoke rose from his cigarette and the burning tobacco glimmered in the dim kitchen light.  
„Until now, you haven't really said anything that was worth listening to. But go on, I guess.“

God, he really pisses me off.

As annoyed as Hidan was, he was also secretly observing Sasoris face and posture, which made him feel like some horndog, but despite everything he was a little worried and he had to make sure that there were no...bruises or marks of any kind. But the person in front of him seemed to be fine (despite the stick up his ass). It was only when Sasori glanced over to the living room that he noticed the small band-aid under his left eye. Also, the color of his eyes didn't quite match up and Hidan wanted to confront him about it but he was hesitant, struggling to keep his impulses in check. Was he really in a place which allowed him to be asking that? Hidan remembered how much it irritated him when the teachers at school would ask him about his bruises or why he hadn't been at school for over a week. Not only did those nagging questions made it harder for him to come up with an excuse every time, but it also made him relive the whole situation in front of his inner eye. He had always felt weak because he couldn't protect himself, let alone his mom.   
Hidan was so lost in thought that he forgot what he was about to say. All the things he wanted to bark at him had turned into complete gibberish and the sudden memories from his childhood rapidly swirling around in his head took up all of his attention. Mustering Sasori one last time and taking a deep breath, he decided to back off and try a different, maybe a little calmer approach. Which was pretty hard with a short temper and fucked-up brain like his.   
„Do you have any idea how much shit I had to go through just to find you? I searched in every damn hospital on this planet. Deidara sent me on this stupid, wild goose chase and now here I am, getting sassed by some tiny brat!“  
Right off to a great start.   
„That's not my problem.“, Sasori stated, „It's your fault for listening to him in the first place. I never asked anyone to 'come and find me'.“  
„Are you kidding me?! This idiot told me that you literally disappeared! he couldn't reach you on your phone or anything else, he didn't see you at school...“  
„...So what's your point? Why did you do all of this for him, nobody asked you to.“  
„Because he's my friend.“  
Hidan scoffed when he saw Sasori rolling his eyes again. „Friends do things like that for each other. They don't just fuck off into the next dimension without a trace. Couldn't you at least send him a text or something? That would've prevented everything that I had to put up with, including you.“  
Sasoris lips formed into a thin line and he glanced away, absently tapping off the ashes of his cigarette into the pot of the dead plant on the window sill. Abruptly realizing what he was doing, he quickly shook his head and looked past Hidans shoulder, eyes searching for Komushi, or to be more exact, for the ashtray he volunteered to bring.  
„I don't have my phone with me. It's broken. Now get off my back.“  
Before Hidan could come up with a snarky response Sasori had already left the kitchen. When he passed Komushi – who had just returned from the living room – he jammed his smoke butt into the ashtray and the last thing they heard was the guest room door being slammed shut.  
„Oh, Jeez.“, Komushi murmured. „That escalated quickly. What happened?“  
Hidan slouched back onto his seat. „Nothing. He's just being a little bitch.“  
„Well, I kinda get it, you know...“  
„Doesn't mean that you should let yourself get treated like some lap dog. Unless you're into that.“  
„N-No! I'm not like that, it's just...“, Komushi let out a long sigh and poured the rest of his coffee into the sink. „I, uh...I kinda messed up. And not because I didn't clean or anything. It's...“  
His face turned a little red and he scratched the tip of his nose. „Sorry, forget it. You probably don't want to listen to my sob story.“  
„Depends. Do you have some beer?“  
„I actually do!“  
He opened the fridge (which was completely empty besides something dubious wrapped in plastic film and a half empty ketchup bottle) and put two beers on the table. Hidan grabbed one of them, opened it and took a deep gulp. Finally something different than soda! If he was going to listen to him, he could at least make use of the time and drink.   
„Okay, go ahead. I'm aaall ears!“  
„What, really...? Dude, you don't have to. It's not a big deal either I guess. Or is it? Ugh, I don't know!“  
Komushi buried his face into his hands and let out a frustrated groan. „I'm such an idiot.“  
„Quit whining around! I get enough of that from Deidara already. What the hell happened?“  
„You really wanna listen to me..?“  
„No.“, Hidan deadpanned. „Not at all. I just asked to humiliate you. But seriously man, I kinda owe you for helping me out today and letting me crash at your place. So I'll play therapist as repayment. But don't expect much, I'm really shitty at it!“  
„You don't owe me anything. But still, uh...thank you.“, he cleared his throat and wrapped his hands tightly around his beverage. „Okay, so...last week, Sasori called and asked me to pick him up from Iwa so I did. We haven't seen each other for a while and I got a little...carried away I guess.“  
„That sounds promising. Don't be mad when I make fun of you.“  
„Hey, you're a terrible therapist! But to be honest... I probably deserve it. Yesterday evening, we were sitting on my couch and watching TV. And I kind of...put my arm around him? I-I don't know, I wasn't trying to make a move or anything like that. For a second, I was just back in the past I guess. Well, you can imagine how he reacted. Spoiler alert: he hated it.“  
Komushi took a deep breath and stared at the table with glowing hot cheeks. „He's been kind of avoiding me and planning on going back to Iwa tomorrow.“  
Hidan emptied his beer and winced at him. „Okay, that's really kinda weird, man. Especially because he is with someone else. Even if that someone is a dirty motherfucker, you shouldn't do things like that.“

Look who's talking...

„I know!“, Komushi whined, „I didn't mean to.“  
„Then why the hell did you do it?!“  
„Because we...we used to be a...couple. Back in our late teens. But life happened and now, well...  
we're not anymore.“

Oh. So that's how it is.

„Uh, by the way, you can tell me if you're getting uncomfortable. I know a lot of people still aren't really used to people like me-“  
„For gods' sake, how many times do I have to tell you?!“, Hidan snarled, having the urge to throw his bottle at him, „It's cool. I'm bi.“  
„You are?“  
„Yeah.“  
„Oh wow, that's...something I didn't expect for sure.“, Komushi stuttered with a perplexed face.  
„That's nice! Um, I mean, sweet! No, that's not the right word...“  
Komushi made a futile attempt to lighten the mood by imitating Kankuro and finger gunning at Hidan with a low-key creepy smile on his face.  
„Okay, now you're making me uncomfortable. Stop that shit.“  
Suddenly they heard a door being opened. And of course, Komushi turned around and was out of his chair in no time. Hidan slowly shook his head at the whole scenario. That dude was really weird. And also still hopelessly in love after what seemed to be years. „What's up Sasori?“, he heard him ask from the corridor.   
„Stop talking about me, I can hear everything you say very clearly.“  
„Y-You were listening?!“  
„Not exactly.“  
Hidan heard a sigh followed by a tapping noise. „The walls are thin. And it's not like you two are trying to be quiet.“  
„Aw, fuck off!“, he barked from the kitchen and was about to get up to beat his ass. Was that guy serious?!  
„It's okay Hidan, he's just joking!...You are joking, right?“  
Sasoris silence spoke volumes. „Anyways...“, he continued. „good night.“   
And with that the door was closed again. Komushi slowly returned back to the kitchen with a defeated expression but still somehow managed to force out a small smile.  
„I think we should go to bed.“

 

The couch was more uncomfortable than Hidan expected. He kept tossing and turning for hours, trying to find a position he could fall asleep in, but failed miserably. Tired and with severe back pain he got up and turned on the table light next to his so called 'bed' for the night. He usually wasn't very picky and could crash almost anywhere but that couch was challenging even for him. Or maybe he should just turn off the TV for a start.   
„Stupid piece of crap..“, he hissed and kicked hard against the piece of furniture, regretting it the same second his toes hit one of the wooden legs and he suppressed a pained groan. Cursing under his breath, he angrily snatched his cigarette pack from the table and trotted towards the balcony with a small limp. The clock on the wall showed 3:50 am and Hidan wondered if he was even able to get any sleep at all at that point. The floor felt cold against his feet as he leaned onto the railing and glanced down to the dark, empty streets. A train passed by somewhere and the sound of it echoed through the town, disrupting the idyllic silence. It casually reminded him of Ino and the night they spent together after getting completely wasted and it made him wonder why he would think of her in the first place.  
Hidan watched the program on the TV through the half open balcony door without much interest since one couldn't really expect any entertaining shows at that time. Bright colors of a vacation advertisement flickered over the screen and flooded the whole living room with faint pictures of a beach resort in Kiri. Hidan was familiar with the place, he'd been there before as a kid, probably around age seven. He could barely recall what exactly happened that day but he knew that his mother was talking about something on their way there, something that involved God and religion. He didn't think much of it then, but now he knew that it was part of the silence before the storm.

„...I want to talk to the principal, I think the true meaning of faith went far over his head the last time I tried to explain it to him. I don't want you to go to a school where they teach you so much crap...hey, are you even listening?“

„Yeah, yeah...“

„Don't 'yeah, yeah' me, you know how much mommy hates it when you do that!“

The landscape passed faster and faster as his mother entered the highway. Their car made some strange and borderline alarming noises but nobody put any mind to it since most of those sounds were already there when they bought it. Old, smelly seats, a radio just about to meet its ends and a rearview mirror sticking to the vehicle thanks to a big amount of duct tape was all they could  
afford; but it was still better than not having a car at all. They could've gotten a better one if it weren't for his fathers' debt. Speaking of which.  
His father was asleep on the passengers' seat, snoring loudly and holding a half empty beer can. He was the reason for the overhasty and badly planned surprise vacation trip. It was another sorry attempt at regaining the trust of his wife after beating her a few days ago, only because of some stupid argument that could've been solved otherwise had he been sober.  
He even claimed that he had already paid for everything and made all the preparations by himself, which looking back, was an embarrassingly shitty lie since he was unemployed and bankrupt at that time; whenever the objective of finances came up in their fights (which were a lot) he claimed to have 'friends' who'd lend him money whenever he needed it. Whoever those 'friends' were remained a mystery.   
Promises were also a thing he often made but rarely kept. The first time he hit her, he swore to never do it again. The second time rolled around , then the third. At the end, nothing ever changed. However, his mother accepted the peace-offering with a teary smile. Back then, she still believed that deep down, he was still the man she fell in love with.  
Hidans mother kept talking but he was barely paying attention. She was more talking to herself than to him anyway so he didn't bother listening too closely. Instead, he enjoyed the cold breeze against his face. It was a hot and humid day in the middle of July and the roads were crammed full with families going on vacation, looking forward to enjoy the summer weather and have fun. Hidan wanted to pretended like they belonged in the same category as those people. Just another mother, father and their child on the way to the beach. Nothing unusual.  
He tucked the Transformers action figure he was playing with back into his torn up backpack. His parents acted like it was dad who bought it for his birthday but he knew that it was actually his mom. She wasn't very good at keeping secrets and at the evening before his big day she snuck into his room and told him how his father didn't have the money (despite having 'friends') to by him anything and begged her to get the toy instead. Sometimes, she took the whole 'who's-the-better-parent' race very seriously and looked pretty damn proud of herself after bringing her son the 'shocking' news. But that didn't change the fact that he had to pretend like he didn't know to avoid another angry outburst. It was only years later, in retrospect, that he realized how crazy they both were since the beginning.  
An expensive looking car drove past them. Hidan spotted a golden retriever with his head out of the car, pink tongue flapping in the wind and he immediately rose from his seat in excitement with a sharp inhale. The dogs' fur was shining in the sun and it looked like it had the time of its life. Two children were sitting next to their pet. Their mother turned around in her front seat with a big smile and focused a big, chunky camera on the whole scene. Sadly, the dogs' head disappeared back into the car way too soon and the family was quickly way ahead of them, indistinguishable between all the other vehicles. He didn't know why but he felt a contracting, painful sting in his chest.

 

„What do you mean we do not have a reservation?“

„I'm sorry Mrs. Sato but you and your family are not listed in our computer systems. Perhaps you're registered at a different hotel?“

„Diffrent hotel?!“

Hidans mother was fuming with rage and probably seconds away from busting the desk clerks' face, who was desperately scrolling up and down on her screen and repeatedly shaking her head.

„That's not possible! My husband made our reservations at this exact hotel!“

„Ma'am, I understand how upset you must feel but there is nothing I can do for you. All our rooms are booked. Are you sure this is the hotel your spouse has called? Maybe you could ask him again just to be sure?“

„Are you calling me stupid now?! How dense do you think I am?“

„N-No, I don't think that at all, Mrs. Sato...!“

„You better watch your mouth, missy. I demand to speak to your boss immediately!“

The desk clerk, which appeared to be quite young, nodded several times and hurried away, tears glistering in her eyes. Hidan, who snuck into the lounge area because he got bored of standing around outside with his dad who was having a smoke, stopped reading the comic he found on a table next to other entertainment magazines and turned around to watch his mother slamming her hands on the desk in front of her. As soon as the manager arrived she started throwing an even bigger fit, tossing her arms around and cussing at every single passing hotel guest. Hidan laughed at the shocked and offended faces they made but soon his attention returned to the comic he was holding in his hands: It was a very worn-off, old Superman comic with faded colors and rips in almost every page. He couldn't read very well but that didn't bother him much. The pictures were way more interesting anyway and he gasped at a scene of Superman fighting off some creepy looking aliens.   
Meanwhile, his father had entered the hotel, acting like the concerned husband and trying to calm down his wife since the staff wasn't able to. He put his hands on her shoulders, laughed awkwardly and shook his head at the manager with a grin. 

„Typical women, what can I say?“

The manager just raised an eyebrow at him, obviously not appreciating what this man was implying. He patted the desk clerks' back and sent her away to which she obeyed in record time. 

„Sir, Ma'am, this is the last chance for you to leave, otherwise I have to call the security.“

„Oh, so it's suddenly our fault now?!“, Hidans mom hissed as she struggled to free herself from her husbands' arms. Her blond hair used to be styled into an updo in the morning. She spent hours on it and was pleased with the end result but now it had lost all of its beauty. Bobbypins were sticking out everywhere and her loose hair stood up in all different directions, making it look like she had been on a roller coaster seconds ago. Hidan knew her as a caring mother, in her own way. But he also knew the other side of her. The one who just needed a simple trigger or mood swing to turn her into a mad person.   
He would be lying if he said he wasn't scared of his parents. But it was mom who terrified him much, much more. His father was pretty easy to predict: He'd act like the best man a woman could ever get, then something would go wrong and he'd go ahead and get hammered, return home and throw some dishes around the house. Afterwards he'd be grumpy for a few days, then drown in self-pity, apologize and then the whole cycle would repeat itself. But mom was way harder to read. She could be in the best mood, humming an old lovesong while sitting on the couch and squinting her eyes at a crossword puzzle. And out of nowhere, she'd switch and either start yelling and cursing at her family or sink into a deep depression.  
Hidan silently followed his parents as they stormed out of the hotel with his arms tightly wrapped around the comic. One of the staff members noticed it but didn't stop him from leaving. Instead, she gave him a sympathetic look and waved goodbye. Hidan just stuck out his tongue in response and ran away.   
He couldn't remember much of what happened after that. The only thing he knew was that the reservations had never been made in the first place. His memories showed a dirty motel with pink neon signs, his crying mother and himself standing between her and his drunk father. Everything after that was just a gaping blackout.

 

Hidan jerked out of his thoughts when he suddenly heard a door open. He realized that he'd been standing in the dark kitchen the whole time, absently rubbing the cigarette butt around in the ashtray. Wiping his hand on his jeans to get rid of the gray dirt on his fingers, he listened to soft footsteps making their way through the corridor. Did he wake up Komushi? Hidan stepped out of the kitchen to see what's going on and suddenly crashed against him.   
„Holy shit, dude!“, he exclaimed, „watch where you're going Komu-“

Wait a minute. That's not Komushi.

Sasori was holding his head, wincing and suppressing a loud groan. He seemed to be in a lot of pain, but why? It's not like Hidan was made of steel or something like that.  
„I forgot you were here...“, he murmured more to himself than anyone else before quickly continuing his way to the kitchen. Shortly after, Hidan heard him rummaging in one of the shelves. Still a little perplex, he wondered why Sasori was searching the shelf in the darkness.  
„Oi, dude, what the hell?“, he asked. „Are you stupid or something? Just turn on the lights.“  
„I don't recall asking you for advice.“, he responded calmly without even looking his way.  
„Again with that shitty attitude?! I just tried to help your ass, that's all.“  
„I'm fine on my own, thank you very much. And you would've been useless anyway.“  
Something in Hidan snapped. He switched the lights on and stomped over to him, feeling anger rising up in his chest. The shelves' door was hiding Sasoris face but he could see him standing on his tip-toes, trying to reach something in the far back. A small part of him noticed that it looked kind of adorable but he quickly pushed that away, being way too angry to waste any more thought on it and grabbed his shoulder.  
„I swear to god I'm gonna fuckin-“, Hidan stopped mid-sentence and his breath got stuck in his throat. „What the...“

Holy shit. That's why he was wincing. 

His stomach dropped as he saw that Sasori was sporting a pretty bad black eye. Basically the whole left eye socket was covered in a dark purple to black-ish color and the iris was surrounded by red splotches. There were four stitches just above his cheekbone and one of them was bleeding. A small drop of blood ran down Sasoris face and he wiped it away, glaring at him before redirecting his gaze to the shelf.  
„Do you mind?“, he asked. „I'm clearly doing something.“  
Before Hidan could rethink it, a very uncomfortable and intimate question slipped through his lips and he wanted to hit himself in the face for having so little impulse control.  
„Why the fuck did he do that to you?“  
The whole room fell into silence. At first, Sasori completely ignored the question and attempted to swat off the hand still resting on his shoulder instead.   
„Don't touch me.“  
„Uh..shit-“  
Hidan jerked his hand away and scratched the back of his head, surprised by the ice cold, but slightly shaky tone in his voice which he hadn't experienced before. Until now, he completely doubted that Sasori was even able to show any 'emotions' except from annoyance or boredom.   
„Forget what I asked.“, he hurriedly added, „I don't give a damn, none of my business.“

Wow, the insensitive prick is coming in strong today...What am I even saying?! Of course I want to know how-

„Tissues. And band-aids.“  
„Huh?“  
Sasori sighed and gestured towards his injury. With closed eyes, as if he was trying to order his thoughts, he continued: „I'm bleeding.“  
Drops of red liquid were still running down his cheek and dripped on the white, oversized T-shirt he was wearing. Hidan glanced into the open shelf. It was full of clutter, reaching from batteries, cables and expired coupons to a book solely dedicated to the history of the bicycle and a half-eaten muffin.   
„Err...“  
„I ran out. Komushi always keeps them up there. But I can't reach that far back.“  
„Oh yeah, obviously, haha...Uh shit, I mean hold on-“  
The mental image of Sasori standing on his tip-toes randomly popped back into his head and he felt his heart flutter a little bit.

He really is too damn short...Wait, what the hell am I thinking?? In a situation like that of all!!

He reached into the shelf (while pulling a disgusted face at the muffin) and rummaged through the garbage until he finally found a pack of dusty tissues and a stripe of blue band-aids. Hesitantly, he handed them over and he couldn't help but stare at his face. God, that black eye looked so terrible, Hidan could almost feel the pain. And he had experienced his fair share of bruises like that.  
„Thanks.“, Sasori murmured softly before using one of the tissues to slowly dab around his cheek to get rid of the blood which was partly already dry. He then carefully pressed the bloody tissue against his stitches with an emotionless face, however the tension in his jaw gave it away that it was anything else but pleasant.  
„Don't mention it.“, Hidan shrugged. „Not all of us can be blessed with a reasonable height.“  
Because joking around was way easier than addressing the elephant in the room. In the end, Deidaras intuition was right: Sasori really did get hurt by that bastard. There was no way that bruise was an accident which confirmed one of Hidans' biggest concerns. So many questions were spinning around in his head but he was actually too afraid to ask them and it confused the heck out of him. Normally, he'd just blurt out what he thought without caring about the consequences or he wouldn't care enough to bother at all. 

Does that happen...on a regular basis...?

Soft noise coming from the TV in the living room mixed with a buzzing sound from the fridge were the only things speaking. The wooden floor under their feet creaked as Sasori turned around without saying anything and headed back to his room.  
„Hey, wait!“, Hidan exclaimed without genuinely knowing why he was holding him back in the first place. Sasori came to a halt and was silent for a while before simply stating: „I'm going to sleep.“ And with that, he quickly disappeared and shut his door. 

 

„I just talked to Kankuro on the phone. He agreed to help you out with your car! Pretty neat, right?“  
Komushis voice was physically hurting his brain and the only thing Hidan could do as a response was to vaguely groan while covering his face with a pillow. He felt like he did solid 12 hours of drinking and his neck hurt every time he moved his head. After Sasori had gone back to bed Hidan himself wasn't able to get any sleep, just as predicted. Now it was nine in the morning and Komushi was already awake for some stupid reason. „Come on, get up!“, he called from the kitchen.  
„Hell no.“  
„But it's such a beautiful Sunday morning!“  
„Dude, I'm tired as shit. I think your couch permanently changed the shape of my skeleton.“  
„Oh no, I'm sorry! I got so used to this old thing I don't even notice anymore.“  
„Whatever“, Hidan grunted and sat up slowly. As glad as he was to get his tires fixed so that he could leave goody-two-shoes-town, his headache dampened his excitement enormously.  
„I made coffee by the way! Feel free to take some!“  
„Cool...“  
Komushi came literally running into the living room and swung the balcony door open, letting the warmth out and the cold in. He took a deep breath and stretched his arms, babbling about how good that felt and inviting him to a morning jog. But Hidan had other plans, which definitely not involved him freezing his ass off outside. He escaped to the bathroom and then to the kitchen, pouring himself a steaming hot cup of coffee and burning his mouth in the process as he impatiently took a big gulp. He was so preoccupied by swearing about his second degree burn that he didn't notice Sasori entering the living room at first.  
„Komushi, close the balcony.“  
„What, but why? I just opened it!“  
„It's cold.“  
„Aw, Sasori you're always cold!“  
„That's why I'm asking you to close the door.“  
„You can take one of my sweaters maybe...?“  
„...“  
„Okay, bad idea. Fine, fine. Got it.“  
„Thank you.“  
„Sure. Uh, a-anyways, do you want to join us? Me and Hidan are gonna go for a run!“  
„You are?“  
Hidan immediately rose from his chair and stomped over to the living room, spilling hot coffee all over his hand due to his rapid movements.  
„Ouch, shit! No, we're not, I'd rather swallow a can of nails than go jogging. With you of all people!“   
Komushi made an offended gasp.“Hey, what is that supposed to mean? And jogging is good for your body and helps your blood circulation!“  
„I don't care what it does, as long as it can't make me immortal or pay my rent it can stay the hell away from me!“, Hidan snarled. It was not like he hated exercising in general but aimlessly running around town or a forest always bored him so much that he would only run approximately 20 minutes at most. He had a very excessive work-out phase in high school but it died down pretty quickly when the gym in Yu closed down.   
„I have to agree with him.“, Sasori suddenly said and for a split second Hidan felt that weird flutter in his chest again. And he also wondered if he was stuck in an alternate universe because that was something he'd never expect him to say. He discreetly glanced at him from the side and noticed that Sasori had covered up his left eye, with some sort of make-up he guessed, and the only thing revealing that something was off was the blue band-aid covering his stitches.

So that's why I didn't notice anything when I first saw him...

„You guys are so lazy. Well, I guess I'm gonna go and have fun all by myself...“  
Komushi was clearly exaggerating his pout for guilt-tripping reasons. It strongly reminded Hidan of Deidara who he needed but still hadn't talked to.  
„Don't give me those puppy dog eyes! No way I'm tagging along. Ask Kankuro or whatever.“  
„But Hidan, Kankuro is way lazier than you, I can't even motivate him to play video games with me!“  
„Do I look like the complaint hotline to you?!“  
The 'fight' between them went on for a while until Sasori apparently decided to take matters in his own hands and found a very simple way to kick his friend out of his own home: he threatened to throw away the plant on the window sill which Komushi had grown weirdly fond of and affectionately called 'Polly'. When being confronted with that and the fact that the plant was actually dead he bailed out of the house in record time. But without him chirping around and generally lighting the mood it got pretty quiet as soon as he was gone.  
Hidan found himself sitting in the kitchen, smoking, feeling overall pretty awkward and he kind of wished he went with Komushi after all. Sasori was sitting across from him, drinking his coffee so carefully one could assume he was doing a slow motion challenge. He also closed the roller blinds so that the kitchen was rather dark. Gray smoke was emitting from both their cigarettes and filling up the room. The air got unbearably stifling at some point, thus making Hidans headache way worse and he was about to open the window when Sasori said: „Don't.“  
Surprised, he turned around with a confused and slightly annoyed look. He could boss around Komushi all he wanted but Hidan wouldn't take any of his bullshit today.   
„Why the hell not?“  
„I closed them for a reason.“  
„Oh fuck off, last time I checked this is not your house!“  
„Just let them-“  
Hidan practically ripped the window open and loudly inhaled the fresh, cold air. He felt his headache lighten up within minutes and he turned around again to throw a petty comment but Sasori squinting and covering his face kind of took the wind out of his sails.   
„Since the injury...“, he slowly began and huffed, „My eye is...still sensitive towards bright light.“

Argh, why won't I fucking use my brain more?!

He closed the window again and it felt like doing the walk of shame. Great. On the one hand, he really didn't want to be an asshole towards him, but on the other he couldn't figure out why he was even trying so hard in the first place. They weren't friends and Sasori surely didn't want or need his pity. Hidan had always hated those kind of looks he got from everyone around him. That and them standing, watching instead of doing something. Pretending to be oblivious was one of the easiest things in the world.   
„You could've just gone to the living room, you know.“, Sasori pointed out as soon as the room was dark again.   
„Well, what if I don't want to? It's so damn cold in there!“  
„Komushi closed the door, it should be fine by now.“  
Hidan groaned in frustration and rolled his eyes so hard he almost had the feeling as if they were about to fall out of his head.  
„Listen, if you want me to get the fuck out of here just tell me! Trust me, I'd be long gone if it weren't for that turd who slit my tires. And also, I would've never expected to find you in the first place but here we are and I really wish I didn't!“  
Sasori silently extinguished his cigarette butt in the ashtray but abruptly stopped and lifted his head in surprise as Hidan mentioned his jeep. He murmured something to himself before asking: „Why are you even here?“

Huh...?

„Err...what? Why I'm here? Do you suffer from short-term memory loss like the fish bitch from that childrens' movie? I already told you, Deidara got worried and asked me to go and look for you since his uncle needed his help creating Play-Doh animals or whatever.“  
„No, I don't think you're getting it.“  
„What the hell are you talking about?“  
Slowly exhaling, the other nipped on his coffee and asked one more time, emphasizing the question differently: „Why are you even here?“  
„Me?“, Hidan pointed at himself, slowly questioning his own sanity, „What's wrong with me? Did you expect some prince charming or something like that? Knight in shining armor? Well sorry to disappoint but I'm just a fucking retail worker. Maybe I can-“  
„Just shut up. You're still not getting it. Let me explain.“

What on earth does he mean? Am I going crazy right now? Is this some kind of fever dream?

„What I meant is...“, Sasori was clearly avoiding eye contact and absently tapping his nails against his cup, „You don't seem like the kind of person who'd volunteer to search for someone they don't even know, let alone spend so much time doing it. And back at Uni...“, he hesitated for a second before clearing his throat and continuing, „It was none of your business and still you interfered. I just want to know why. What do you hope to get out of this?“  
Hidan stared at him in silence, completely baffled by the fact that this was the longest chain of sentences Sasori had ever directed to him. Listening to him speak more than two seconds threw him off the rails and he needed a minute to gather himself. That and he was starting to feel uncomfortable since their conversation was getting closer and closer to the feelings department. What was he supposed to answer? Yeah, he mostly did it for Deidara – they were best friends after all – but a small part of him, a part ridden with guilt, begged to differ.   
Taking a deep drag from his smoke, Hidan scratched the back of his head and mentally prepared himself to suppress his fight or flight response.  
„I don't know.“, he then genuinely stated. „Instincts, I guess? You just looked like you could use some help. This may sound crazy, but even a fucking dickhead like me can't just stand there and watch someone get treated like crap by their partner. Things like that really set me off.“  
„I didn't ask for your help.“

Oh god. Here we go again with that attitude. 

„Okay, okay! I get it. You're pissed at me for doing that. But you know what, when you grow up around abusive fucktards you kind of get a sense for stuff like that!“  
Quickly snapping his mouth shut, he couldn't believe how much he just revealed about himself considering it was already hard enough for him to say things like that to Deidara or Konan. A little shocked, Hidan smashed the cigarette in the ashtray and leaned back with a frustrated huff, running both hands down his face. This was going to be very embarrassing. But he wanted to be honest about it.  
„Uh, I mean...I'm sorry.“, he finally pressed out after Sasori continued to be silent, „Look, if that son of a bitch hurt you because of me, you have all the rights to be mad. I'm really- shit, I didn't want that to happen. Like, at all.“  
„Wait. So, the whole reason you came here was to...apologize?“  
„Uh...not only because of that, but...yeah. When you went missing I got...“, it took him a lot of strength to follow up with what he wanted to express, „...worried, okay? Really thought that it was on me.“  
„But it wasn't.“  
„Eh?“  
Sasori had long abandoned his coffee and went over to chipping on his nails with his hands in his lap. No kind of emotion could be read on his face, he appeared to be as stoic as always; but when their eyes met, really met, for the first time since that unpleasant discussion had started, Hidan did notice a small difference in his glance. It could be entirely his imagination but it felt like it became...less hostile.  
„What happened between me and Saburo had nothing to do with you. At least not directly.“  
„'Not directly'?“  
„Your reaction had an impact on our relationship. But in a positive way. For me.“

He got sucker punched in the face. How the fuck is that something positive?!

„Are you seriou-“  
„Y-yeah, just gimme a minute, dude-!“  
Komushi came barging through the front door and hurried into the kitchen with his muddy running shoes still on. He was covered in glistening sweat and huffing loudly, strands of hair sticking to his forehead. His headphones were dangling from his jackets' breast pocket and his cheeks were burning red. Covering his phone with his free hand, he whispered:  
„Guys, I think we might have a problem!“  
„What's going on?“  
Alarmed, Sasori immediately rose from his chair, almost throwing his cup off the table. Now that was an extreme reaction if he had ever seen him have one.   
„Who of them is it? What did you tell them?“  
„N-nothing, it's not who you think it is-“  
„I told you to be more careful!“  
„Sasori, please just let me finish my senten-“  
„Shit. This is bad. Komushi, give me the phone I'll talk to them.“  
„No! It's not-“  
„Give me the phone. Now.“  
„Hey!“, Hidan barked in. „What the hell is going on?! Who are those guys you're talking about?“  
Sasori scoffed at him and the look in his eyes had regained that hostile glare. But he could also read something else in them, something that was so unexpected Hidan had to take a double look: it was fear.  
„Stay out of this if you know what's good for you. Get your car fixed and leave.“  
„Well, it just so happens that I have no fucking idea whats good for me! Quit bossing everyone around and just let him talk, dude.“

Why am I still so invested in this shit...

„Hidan is right. It's not that bad but it's not good either. But we still have the chance to turn this around!“  
„He already knows too much. Now stop wasting my time and give me your phone.“

His hands are shaking...

„No, I won't, that's a very bad idea!“  
„Komushi, I swear to god don't make me-“  
Without thinking, Hidan jerked the phone out of his hand and held it against his ear. „What the fuck do you what?!“  
„Finally! I literally thought you were dead!“  
His jaw dropped in disbelief as he recognized the voice on the other line. That was not the person he had expected at all. Letting his hand hit his forehead, he exclaimed:  
„Deidara?!“

 

Kankuro came rolling up from under his jeep with black oil smeared across his face, partly covering his tattoos. „Dude, I can't believe you're still even able to drive this old thing! I'm surprised it didn't break in half when I towed it here.“  
Hidan shrugged and readjusted his squatting position. The garage was completely empty since it was a Sunday. Except from a faint sound of soft rain pounding against the roof and Kankuro swinging his tools around trying to fix the car it was quiet. His headache appreciated that and it made it easier for him to focus on the conversation.   
„That's the best you can get in Yu. Anything else would be too damn expensive.“  
„I feel you man, car insurance is the worst. I can barely pay mine. And I make a living off repairing cars! Kinda paradox, isn't it?“  
Kankuro kept the topic simple and light-hearted as he continued to disappear and reappear from under the vehicle. Sometimes he'd get up and search around for some tools, other times he'd ask Hidan to help him out and get them. The smell of engine oil lingered everywhere and so did the oil itself; it didn't take long for them both to be covered in it.  
„Do you have any idea who could've slit your tires?“  
„Nah, not really. I haven't started shit with anyone here yet.“  
„Hm, that's really weird. Those kind of things rarely happen in Suna. You sure you didn't steal anyones' girl?“  
Making his trademark movement 'finger guns' and winking at him, Kankuro instantly earned a very clear response:  
„Fuck you! I wish I did so at least I'd know whose neck I gotta twist.“  
„Hey, c'mon, you're not the sweetest peach on the tree so I thought you were some kind of playboy.“  
„First you assume I'm banging your friend, then you accuse me of being a playboy...is every person in your family so judgmental?!“  
„Komushi is a naive idiot! I have to look out for him.“  
„He really is though.“  
„Haha, yeah. And since that ex of his is staying with him I'm just extra cautious. That dude only makes him depressed and to be honest, I think he's kind of an asshole.“  
Kankuro was hidden under the jeep again but Hidan heard the loud slap his hand made covering his mouth.  
„Shit! I swear to god, keeping secrets is not my best attribute. Don't tell him I said that!“  
„I already kinda guessed it. The 'depressed' thing.“  
„Huh? Did you guys have a talk?“  
Hidan nodded in response, already starting to sink in thoughts. He couldn't help but wonder if there was a certain guy who'd like to get back at him after all. And how much did Komushi know exactly? He was talking about 'them' yesterday. Who was he referring to? The circumstance of being left in the dark while everyone else seemed to be up to date and very secretive about it really irked the hell out of him.   
„..dan?“

It still has nothing to do with you. The car is gonna be fixed soon and then you get out of here. None of this should matter. It doesn't matter.

„Hidan!“  
„Huh?!“  
„You okay, man?“  
„Err...yeah, yeah, sure. Whatever.“  
„So did you find something out? You stayed the night after all.“  
Kankuro clumsily got back up and collected his tools to switch to the other side of the jeep. He wiggled his eyebrows at him with a shit-eating grin and only after Hidan threatened to rip his head off he went back to working.  
„Jeez, you're so rude. Just like Temari.“  
„You're just a pussy, that's all! And yeah, I had to listen to this sappy love story between him and Sasori.“  
„Um, that's a weird way of describing their relationship.“  
„What do you mean?“  
„Well, I don't know how much you know about Sasori but he's a huge dick. At least in my opinion. Call me biased but he broke my best friends' heart! Multiple times. And a whole bunch of other guys' hearts as well. Like, don't get me wrong, I respect his talent in oil painting, I'm a fellow painter myself by the way, but...I don't respect him much as a person anymore. Took a long time for Komushi to recover.“  
Hidan tilted his head and raised an eyebrow in surprise. That was a whole different version from the one he was told.   
„Really? I mean yeah, he's kind of a bitch, that much I realized, but-“  
„Kind of a bitch? Now that might be the understatement of the year!“  
He heard Kankuro press out an exaggerated laugh. Outside, the rain got heavier and was pouring over the whole town. The smell of wet streets coming through the tilted windows mixed with motor oil and rust had a weird serenity to it.   
„Man, I sound really bitter right now. Sorry, but I have some strong opinions about that dude. Anyways, I don't wanna bore you with that-“  
„It's cool.“, Hidan claimed and tried to sound casual about it but he was actually embarrassed at how fast he interrupted him. Surely, it had nothing to do with the fact how intrigued he was with Sasoris backstory. He was just trying to be nice since Kankuro volunteered to fix up his car, not to mention on a Sunday; furthermore, he thought of him as an actually pretty decent guy.   
„You can tell me. It's boring as hell here anyway.“  
„Well excuse my boss for not spending that extra money on a flatscreen TV!“  
The news report from yesterday abruptly appeared in his head.

Maybe...nah. That couldn't be. It's too far fetched. Why would he even bother...

„Anyways...I tell ya, if I had the chance to change the definition of one word in the dictionary, I'd choose the word 'heartbreaker' and just slap Sasoris name in it!“  
„You really do sound bitter now!“  
„But it's the truth!“  
„Whatever, just start talking before I rip some cables out of my jeep and strangle myself to death with them.“  
„Okay okay, jeez! And I thought my sister could be a drama queen.“  
„Stop comparing me to your sister damnit!! Is this some kind of fetish of yours?“  
„Ew, with my own sister? You disgust me, Hidan!“  
„You started it!“  
Kankuro let out one of his loud, hearty laughs and shook his head. For a while, their conversation came to a halt as they had to carry four new tires from the storage room. Hidan helped him with changing them (his knowledge of cars was very limited but that was something he knew how to do) and absently wiped his dirty hands on his jeans.  
„Aw shit, now I completely look like some fuckin' hobo...“  
„Don't worry about it, mechanics are considered hot! I'll lend you one of my blue jumpsuits and the girls are gonna flock onto you. Or guys. Or both! No judgment here.“  
Hidan rolled his eyes and tried to wipe away the dirt from his fingers with an already grime looking rag Kankuro handed him.   
„Dude, look how deep the cuts are! Somebody was really pissed at you. Or just pissed in general. By the way, have you contacted the police yet?“  
„No, why should I?“  
„Err...So that they can help you find the one who did it...?“  
„Uuhh...No thanks. I don't trust those stupid pigs.“  
„Oh man, Yu sounds like a really nice place to be...“  
„You're telling me!“  
After rolling the last broken tire to the side and replacing it with a new one, Hidans jeep was finally back on track. Minus all the trash that was inside. Just as he was about to ask for the price (and internally preparing to wince) Kankuro waved his hand at him.  
„Forget about it, it's on the house. I had a hard time convincing my boss but it's settled now.“  
„What, really?! That's a shit-ton of money you're wasting. Not that I care but you people from Suna are too courteous for my taste.“  
Kankuro laughed again while collecting his tools and sorting them back into their designated cases. „Chill, dude. See it as a nice gesture from your neighborhood garage. But next time we're all grabbing a drink together the meatball plates are on you!“  
„I knew there was a hook to all this. You tricked me, you gluttonous turd!“  
„Hey, is that how you treat a guy who fixed your car for free?“  
„Yes it i-“  
A shrill ringtone coming from Kankuros back pocket interrupted their banter.   
„Yeah, hello?...Oh, hey dude!....Yeah, we're just about done here... - it's Komushi - ...Okay, cool. Sure!...Sounds great. We'll talk later. See ya!“  
„What did that dope want?“  
„Just checking on us. And your payday is coming way faster than you could've possibly imagined!“  
„God, he really is a mother hen. Wait, what the hell are you talking about?“   
„Oh, you'll see! Anyway, I gotta bail. Promised my little brother to help him with something. But Komushi wants to hang out so we'll meet at the pub later.“  
Kankuro rubbed his belly and his grin was brighter than the sun. „Let's get going! I can't wait to eat those delicious meatballs!“

 

The cold breeze felt soothing against his face. Hidan was aimlessly driving around Suna with a cigarette in his hand and a overflowing brain in his head.  
Almost empty streets were his favorite kind of streets; he could just get lost in thought without having to worry about crashing into the car in front of him. By now, the rain had stopped but the sky was still gray. A strong wind was moving the clouds and they seemed to be the only thing that one could even remotely consider alive. The pavements were empty and most stores were closed. Sometimes, he'd pass by an open bar or a restaurant and the harsh, yellow-ish light from inside clashed with the colorless exterior around them. Hidan felt...conflicted. In the morning he was so excited to finally go home and leave that stupid town behind him. But now, instead of already being on the highway he was wasting his gas in Sunas streets, not wanting to drive back to his empty apartment in Yu but also avoiding going back to Komushis place at the same time.   
He still couldn't grasp how he was able to lie to Deidara like that. But what else was he supposed to do?! The way he had found Hidan in the first place was weird enough and it caught him completely off guard. That and the fact that Komushi vehemently shook his head at him and Sasori looked like he wanted to stab him with a knife.

„Deidara, how in the living hell did you figure out where I am?“

„This dude, Komushi? He made you a friend request on Facebook. He has his phone number publicly displayed on his site so I decided to give him a call!“

„What, how could you-“

„How could I know that? Easy, I hacked your account!“

„You HACKED my Facebook account?!“

„Well to be more precise, it was Zetsu, not me. But it was my idea so I take the credit. Anyways, that doesn't matter right now! Why didn't you answer your phone? Did you find Sasori?“

„How did you even get Zetsu to – ugh, forget it...My phone's dead. And um...“

The traffic light turned red in the last minute and Hidan had to hit the breaks with brute force. Groaning, he flicked the rest of his smoke out of the window. He was tempted to keep driving since there was literally no one else around but he just got his jeep back and he didn't want to risk getting caught by the police or having an actual car accident. 

„About that. Listen man, uh...“

„What's wrong, hm? Did something happen?“

Deidara had spent the last couple of days worrying, probably driving himself insane. If anybody deserved to know the truth, it was him, wasn't it? He should at least tell him that Sasori was okay. More or less. He was still alive, he didn't go missing. That was Hidans plan from the beginning anyway; help out his best friend. Get some information, then go back home. It couldn't get more simple than this. 

„Err...I didn't find him. Not exactly. But Komushi here...knows him.“

„Wait, really? He's that Komushi, Sasoris friend!? What a coincidence! I knew the name had familiar ring to it. I didn't even recognize him. Hey, tell that guy that he can change his looks all he wants but he'll still be a nerd in my book. And what do you mean with 'not exactly'?“

But Hidan didn't get the chance to answer since the phone got snatched away by its rightful owner. A tiny, mean voice in his head accused him of not only being a terrible liar but also a terrible friend because as soon as Komushi took over the conversation all the pressure of saying the right things fell from his shoulders immediately. 

 

„Oh, it's you, the guy from yesterday. Let me guess, you'll have another soda?“  
The TV was blasting a sports game in full volume and the pub was at least as full as it was the last time. That made it hard to distinguish what the barkeeper was saying but Hidan could read the mockery off of his lips. He was about to jump over the counter to punch him in the face when Komushi quickly pulled him away and yelled in his ear: „Temari found a free table! Why don't you head over there and say hi?“  
He pointed at the right back corner and gave him an over enthusiastic smile, knowing that Hidan was moments away from starting a fight. „I'll get us something to drink, okay?“  
The barkeeper smiled innocently as Hidan showed him the bird and fought his way through the crowd. His mysterious headache still hasn't gone away and it stunted his ability to go off on anybody who was giving him shit; when he finally found the table he sat down with a greeting nod and his hurt pride took a seat next to him.  
„Heeeey, look who's here! For a second I thought you already went back home!“  
Kankuro snatched the menu card out of Temaris hands and flipped to the meats section. „We've seen each other before so let's skip the formalities and go right to the stage where you pay for my food.“  
„Hey, I was reading that!“  
„You always pick the same anyways, I can even order it for you! Roasted chestnuts and some dango, right?“  
„Wrong! I was going for the miso-soup today. Now give me back the menu or I'll slap you to death with my hand fan.“  
„Temari, will you just wait a second so I can-“  
But before Kankuro was even able to finish his sentence painful slaps were already raining over his head.   
„Ouch, okay okay, here just sto-, stop hitting me!!“  
Komushi suddenly arrived carrying two soda cans which he accidentally dropped on the table as he tried to tear his friends apart from each other.   
„Temari, please-“  
„Stay out of this, he deserves a good beating from time to time!“  
„Argh, my own sister is abusing me-ouch, Hidan, do something!!“  
„What the hell am I supposed to do?! Serves you right if you ask me.“  
„Traitor!“  
While the three of them kept arguing Hidan noticed how one of the cans had fallen to the ground. Absently, he bent down to get it while simultaneously watching Kankuro getting his ass beat with a huge, gloating grin on his face. If he had been more aware of his surroundings he would've noticed that Sasori, who was sitting next to him, bent down for the can as well and before there was any way to avoid it their heads crashed together in a painful manner.  
„Ah, shit! Watch it, dude!“, Hidan barked, pressing his hand against his forehead. He slammed the can back on the table while swearing under his breath and giving Sasori a dirty look. But then he remembered his black eye and realized that his now complaining headache was probably nothing against that. His suspicion was confirmed when the other hastily stumbled to the bathroom without saying anything.

Shit.

„Hey, what happened?“, Komushi asked concerned and followed him with his eyes, „I thought he'd be okay with Sprite...“  
„Heh, yeah sure.“, Kankuro scoffed and rolled his eyes. „That's definitely his main problem right now. He's never okay with anything, is he?“  
„Aw please dude, don't be like that...he's my friend after all.“  
„I'm just being honest.“  
„Maybe I should go check on him...“  
„No way dude! Sit down and let that assho- I mean, Sasori get himself together alone. Here, take a look at the menu instead and help me decide which meatballs I should go for today. How about the extra spicy ones?“  
Temari gave her brother a silent, scolding glare and threateningly waved her fan at him. Komushi sighed and slouched onto his chair. He opened his soda can, nodding to anything Kankuro was saying to him, and nipped on it with his eyes basically glued to the mens' restroom door the whole time.

God, that dude is fucking impossible....he reminds me of some kind of lovestruck puppy....

Hidan actually felt shitty as well. He was really trying not to be a jerk towards Sasori, for reasons he wasn't sure about yet, but it seemed like the universe decided for them to be mortal enemies. Scratching the back of his head, he pondered with the thought of going to the bathroom to see if he was alright, however that would maybe come off as a major creepy move so he stayed at the table. When Sasori still wasn't back after ten minutes Komushi started to get worried as always.  
„I wonder if he left...but I wanted to drive him home after this so it doesn't make sense and his bag is already in the trunk...“  
Kankuro groaned. „C'mon, just leave him be. He's not a baby.“  
„Well no, but-“  
„Relaaaax. Enjoy yourself for once, dude!“  
„I actually do think somebody should check on him.“, Temari suddenly chimed in and raised her eyebrow at Hidan.   
„Huh...? Me?“  
„No, Santa Claus. Yes, you!“  
„Are you trying to kill him, sis?!“  
„Gosh, for one second, can you turn that hostility of yours down a notch? We get it, you don't like him.“  
„Oh, but you suddenly do?“  
„Ugh, just shut up!“  
Huffing, Kankuro leaned back in his seat and checked his phone with an annoyed facial expression. Temari nodded towards Hidan, then towards the bathroom while fanning herself and he took the warning serious. After all, he really didn't want to get smacked around the pub.With a long exhale he got up and squeezed his way to the bathroom, an unsettling feeling in his guts; however, besides a couple making out in one of the stalls it was empty. 

Oh, great. Wild goose chase part two. I need a damn smoke...

But as soon as Hidan exited the pub he immediately found the person he was looking for. He was leaning with his right shoulder against the wall a little further away from the smoking area. For a while, he just stared at Sasoris back, not exactly knowing how to handle the situation. But being clueless had never stopped him before so he pulled himself together and walked up to the other, clearing his throat.  
„He-“  
„Go back inside, Komushi. I'm fine.“  
„What is it with you and always expecting me to be someone else?“  
Sasori swiftly turned around and seemed to regret it seconds later because he dropped his half-smoked cigarette and held his head with a wobbly posture.  
„Oi oi, what the hell?!“  
„It's nothing.“  
„Nothing? You look like you've had twenty fucking shots of whiskey!“  
He grabbed both of his arms out of reflex to steady him and felt his heart flutter again which he expertly ignored, focusing on anything else but that.   
„Never thought I'm that much of a thickhead bu-“  
„I have a concussion.“  
„W..what...?“  
Hidans stomach dropped and he swallowed hard. Sasori wasn't even trying to swat off his hands this time; instead, it almost looked like he was leaning into the touch, struggling to keep his balance. 

Holy shit. Just what in the living hell did that guy do to him?!

„It's nothing big but...“, he exhaled softly, „...my head is spinning right now.“  
„Bullshit it's nothing big.“  
Sasori raised his head as good as possible, looking a little disoriented and scoffed at him. „I think I know that a little bit better than you.“  
„Okay fine then, if it's nothing big go back inside and stop bitching around.“  
Hidan was met with a glare but it was weak and had little to no true meaning behind it. He never had such a hard time being nice to someone. Not even with Wan, his former boss, who could possibly be the definition of annoying; but Sasoris sassy attitude was a whole different level.   
People coming in and out of the pub started staring at them and an older guy who passed them with a very red face and a beer bottle in his hand jokingly yelled:  
„Look who 'ad one too many drinks! You tryna take 'im home or wha? Fuckn fag-“  
Little did he know that his unrequested comment was Hidans last straw and the only remaining fuse in his already hurting head blew completely, making him go after the guys' ass with no mercy. When Komushi, his friends and the security arrived at the scene there were already multiple men, most of them drunk, throwing their fists around while spitting profanities anybody else would be too ashamed to even think of. The security guards had a hard time pulling Hidan away from his victim, who had lost a tooth by now, but eventually the brawl was cleared up and a lot of people got kicked out.   
„What the hell were you thinking?!“, Temari hissed and swatted her fan at him. „Are you crazy? You're lucky they didn't call the police!“  
„Fuck this! This city is full of shit, I'm outta here!“  
„Whoa chill dude, your lip's bleeding. Here-“, Kankuro gave him a tissue, „take this and calm down for a minute. What happened?“  
Hidan wiped his blood-covered face while vehemently cursing under his breath.   
„It's not his fault.“, Sasori stated all of a sudden. He was leaning against the wall, pale, but still somehow managing to engage in the discussion. A stressed look was spread across his face and it was obvious that he'd rather be anywhere else but here. Komushi was standing next to him, worried out if his mind.   
„Sasori, let's go home.“, he begged, „I'll drive you back to Iwa tomorrow. You need to rest, you don't look so good.“  
„I'm fine. We can leave now.“  
„But-“  
„You could just take the train, you know.“, Kankuro pointed out with crossed arms, „He's not your chauffeur. You're old enough to take care of yourself.“  
„Aw Kankuro, please don't start another fight!“  
„My brother does have a point Komushi, and you know that.“  
„I'll drive you home.“, Hidan blurted out without rethinking his decision a single time. He scratched the back of his neck and added: „Uh, I mean, if you want to. We're heading the same direction anyway.“  
The cut on his lip started bleeding again and a single drop of blood landed on the asphalt. Komushi followed it with his eyes and kept his glance on his shoes with a slightly sour expression, something he had never seen on him before, as Sasori warily mustered Hidan and then answered with a soft exhale:  
„Okay.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I have finally returned with chapter 5. I can't believe I even managed to upload twice in July! That's a huge accomplishment for me. What did you think of this chapter? I kind of struggled with it and I don't know what to think of it yet. I'm statisfied but at the same time I'm scared people won't be. Anyways, thank you so much for all of your support, I'm having so much fun writing this fic and it is your encouragement which keeps me going. It means a lot to me.   
> I hope the characters aren't too ooc. I know I say that every time but this will be my biggest fear forever so yeah I hope the characters aren't too ooc. Thank you so much for taking the time and reading my work. By the way, are you guys okay with the length? I guess I'll keep it this way, between 10-15k, maybe it'll be more as I go along.  
> A side note: I'm going away to the hospital next week. my health has been declining and I need to get professional help. I don't know exactly how long I'll be staying there, but five weeks at least. I'll keep writing on the new chapter there and upload it if there is wifi lol. So dont worry if it takes a while, I haven't given up on this fic.  
> See ya in a few weeks!


	6. Mixed-Up Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for graphic description of a car accident

„Mrs. Sato, this is the eight time this month that your son has vehemently disturbed his class.“

The ceiling fan above their heads was quietly whirling and water drops echoed in the old, ceramic sink as they fell out of the tap. Hidans mother was uncomfortably shifting in a dilapidated leather chair and every time she moved the material made a dampened squeak.

„I had hoped that by now you would've talked some sense into that kid but it just so appears that you've been struggling with his behavior as well.“

Another uncomfortable shift. A fake smile and a soft exhale.

„I'm very sorry. I can only reassure you that we're both working on it. Please give my son a little bit more time to adjust to this new situation.“

„We have given him plenty of time, patience and opportunities to prove himself but he still refuses to change in any way since the day he's been here. Our teachers are professionally trained to work with children like him but even they are starting to reach their limits. I've received several complaints not only from them but also the other kids' parents.“

A nervous twitch in her left eye gave it away that the principal has hit a sore spot. Hidan knew that his mom could barely keep it together and was probably already imagining an incredibly explicit way of butchering him. The scent of her perfume mixed with a disgusting smell of alcohol and puke from last nights' nervous breakdown made him nauseous and he tried to keep his breath low. He leaned his head back and followed the movements of the fan with his eyes with a bored stare until he got dizzy.

 

_'That kid'_

 

_'children like him'_

 

_Just admit that you hate my fucking guts, old man..._

 

„I know he's not the easiest student to have but-“

„I'm growing more and more tired of your excuses, Mrs. Sato. I asked my employees to show consideration and empathy but even that will run out eventually.“

The principal scratched his untamed, already gray beard and sighed in an exhausted manner, lazily throwing Hidans records on his messy desk loaded with dusty, unfinished paperwork. His deeply furrowed brows and receding hairline combined with the half-closed blinds casting shadows made him look way older than he actually was.

Brown cacti and a crammed bookshelf with a globe on top of it were making a futile attempt to function as decoration items, failing miserably. It was hot and humid despite having a window tilted and the ceiling fan did absolutely nothing but annoy the hell out of Hidan with its constant whirling.

Both the old man and his mother acted like he wasn't even present so why was he even here?! He was never able to sit still for a very long time and his leg already started bouncing up and down nervously.

„I promise it won't be necessary to call me here again from now on. I'm going to have another talk with him. Just give us one last chance, please!“

„I already did. Last time, do you remember, Mrs. Sato? Mind you, I'm not doing this out of spite. People around me expect me to take action and I'm under a lot of pressure right now. Something has to be done or your sons' first month on our school will also be his last one.“

The principal glanced over to Hidan who was barely listening and secretly checking his phone instead.

„Are you aware of the situation you are in right now, young man?“

 

_Suck it, you old fart!_

 

„Whateve-“

„Of course he is!“, his mother interrupted with a high-pitched voice, „He is a smart boy after all. Right, honey?“

Hidan just grunted, put his phone away and crossed his arms while keeping his glance on his sneakers. The man in front of him sighed again and took his glasses off to pinch the bridge of his nose.

„Yes....I can see that.“

„Hey, what the fuck-“

„ _Language._ Don't make me rethink my decision.“

Mrs. Satos eyes sparked with hope and she almost jumped out of her chair in excitement. „So you're willing to give us another chance?!“

„Yes, but under one condition-“

„Oh, praise the lord! Praise Jashin!“

The room went silent and Hidan hit his forehead with his hand, groaning. Not that bullshit again.

„Er...“, the principal tilted his head, looking very confused, and asked after a while: „Excuse me? Praise who?“

But Fortunately, he didn't give his mother any chance to talk about her religion and seemingly decided to ignore it instead.

„Ahem. Anyway...I am willing to give your son one last chance to show that he had learned his lesson, but under one condition: we are going to suspend him for the rest of the week so that he can think about what he did.“

„Oh this is wonderful! Thank you so much!!“

„You're welcome. But I wasn't done yet. There is another thing...“

„Yes...?“

„Have you ever considered sending him to...therapy?“

 

 

 

 

The smile on his mothers' face turned into a thin line as soon as they left the building. Her slap in the face stung, but what stung even more were the curious looks from his classmates coming from the first floor. He saw one of them, he never bothered to remember his name, sitting at a bench next to the window. He waved at him weakly with a small nod before quickly turning back to the teacher.

 

_Mind your own business, blondie..._

 

Embarrassed, Hidan absently rubbed his cheek and avoided looking anywhere but on the ground. His right shoes' laces were untied and he was standing on them. Carefully, he shifted his posture so that he wouldn't trip over them and make an even bigger clown out of himself.

„Don't you dare to blow this for me.“, she hissed and dragged him to their old VW Golf. „I did _everything_ to get you into that school.“

Without giving her an answer he just helplessly stumbled behind her, feeling his cheeks pulsing in pain and shame.

„You can count yourself lucky they considered taking you in despite all those horrible things you did at your last school. Do you understand how much trouble you're giving me? Or anyone else around you?!“

Hidan put his seatbelt on and his mom started the car. Throughout the whole drive, she kept scolding him, wildly gesticulating with her hands.

„If only you'd care a little bit more about me, then you'd know how hard it is for me right now! Can you imagine how shameful it is for me as a mother to have a son who's already been kicked out of _middle school_?“

She sniffed over-dramatically and tears started streaming down her face which she clumsily wiped away with the sleeve of her lime green pullover. The car was moving faster and faster, going way past the speed limit.

A bitter taste of guilt burned in his mouth and his stomach was in knots. It felt like he had two sides inside him: he wants to be better but at the same time, he can't. He won't. Alone the thought of fitting in with everybody else and sitting still behind a wooden desk for multiple hours a day made his skin crawl and he noticed that he was bouncing his leg again. With a dry mouth and a big lump in his throat, he croaked: „Mom, I- mom, watch out for the curve.“

„Oh, so we're being Mr. Smartypants right now?“

„No mom, be careful-“

„Do not talk to me like that, young man!“

„MOM-!!!“

A dull crashing sound made Hidans ears ring. His mother hit the brakes with full force and the airbags smashed into their faces, hitting the air out of his lungs. Paralyzed and confused, he stared at the broken windshield and the smudged trail of blood covering it. His heart was beating loud, so incredibly loud, it was the only thing he could hear and he felt his own blood pulsing through his veins. His blood, which was still inside his body. Hidan watched her struggling out if her seatbelt, it looked like she was doing it in slow motion, leaving him behind in the car. Everything in his head was spinning and he wasn't able to regain control over his sight.

„Mom...?“, he called, voice shaky and quiet. With wobbly legs, he climbed out of the vehicle and followed her but hesitated. They were the only people on the road, no one else to bee seen. A bent, broken bicycle was hanging over the crash barrier, one wheel still slowly turning, blood-covered and cracked reflectors spread across the street. Hidan slowly bent down and picked one of them up, not realizing what he was even doing. When he felt the red, still warm liquid on his fingers he dropped it to the ground like it bit him, panic and bile simultaneously rising up in his throat.

„Mom?“

His mother was hovering over a person laying on the ground without saying anything. The asphalt under the body was wet and dark.

„Get back in the car.“

„But-“

She turned her head around, not showing any emotion, but she looked pale and her glance was terrifying and maniac-like, scaring him even more.

„Get. Back. Into. The. Car.“

„W-what...what happened...? Is that person...?“

No response. By now, the blood on his fingers was as cold as the sweat on his forehead. A faint, coppery smell found its way to his nose and it made his eyes burn but he was too scared to cry. He didn't want to know what she would do to him if he did. She rarely abused him physically but she used her words as weapons and they hit way deeper than any of his fathers' fists ever could. With tears prickling behind his eyes he slowly moved backwards, unable to tear his gaze away from the lifeless body in front of him, tripping over his shoelaces in the process. Pure terror flooded him as his mother slowly walked over to him with an indistinguishable expression. She bowed down and wrapped her hands around both of his upper arms.

„Honey.“, she began with a cool and collected voice, „What happened when we drove home from school today?“

„Uh...w-wha-“

Nails dug deeper into his skin the longer it took him to respond. He swallowed hard to ease the lump in his throat, not able to say a single thing. But in the end, his fear of her was stronger than every single cell in his body screaming how wrong it was what he was about to answer.

„N-n...“

„If someone would ask you 'What happened at the drive home with your mom?', what would be your answer?“

„....Nothing.“

She gave him a pleased smile and released him from her grip.

„That's my good boy.“

 

 

The rain had gradually turned into snow on their way home, the first snowfall of the season. Clouds were covering the sky and it was slowly getting darker as Hidan proceeded to drive along the same lonely highway towards Iwa. His cars' windshield wipers were old and rusty, screeching every time they wiped away the small snowflakes swirling down from above. With no functioning air conditioning system it grew colder and colder the longer they were on the road. Slightly shivering despite wearing his leather jacket, he fiddled with the different buttons knowing it would be useless anyway; almost everything in his car had been broken for months and it was too expensive to fix, yet he hoped that maybe luck would be on his side for once; of course, he was let down. Annoyed, he halfheartedly punched against the dashboard (which was one of the main reasons so many things were broken in the first place) and briefly glanced over to his front-seat passenger before focusing on the street again. Sasori had been sleeping almost the whole drive and didn't even flinch when Hidan accidentally turned the radio volume up to the maximum instead of turning it down. At the beginning the loud mumbling kept him awake and filled the uncomfortable silence in the jeep. The host was terrible and had a pretty irritating voice but he played decent rock music from the late 90s and early 2000s which was a welcomed change in comparison to the other stations only serving generic pop music as if it would save them from an early death. But when he noticed the other drifting off he turned the volume down to let him sleep.

Hidan was quietly humming along to 'Heart-Shaped Box', nodding his head and watching the gray, blurry landscape passing by when he started noticing how tired and hungry he actually was. Burning eyes and an empty belly sure lowered his concentration and he briefly remembered a gas station nearby with a Subway next to it; which made his stomach immediately growl at him in a sulky manner. Soon, one of the many street signs pointed the station out as well. That was the perfect time to take a piss, grab some food and an energy drink for the rest of the ride. Hidan basically felt his bed yearn for him.

He glanced over to Sasori again who was still sleeping, head leaning lightly against the window. The make-up he used to cover up his black eye had lost its purpose and the small blue band-aid was coming off as well. His brows were furrowed and judging from the distraught expression on his pale face he was probably having a nightmare.

„Oi!“, Hidan called out. No reaction. „Hey, come on! Wake the fuck up already. I'm stopping.“

Whatever kind of sleeping pills Sasori was taking, he needed some of them as well. Maybe he could finally relax at night and stop jerking awake because of every stupid sound he heard.

Hidan knew it was risky and he felt bad about it, but he decided to do it anyway. Carefully, he nudged the others' arm with his right hand while keeping the left one on the steering wheel. If Sasori was as touch repulsed as he seemed, he'd definitely wake up from that, right?

Wrong.

„Holy shit.“, he murmured, „Are you dead or what?“

But the soft rising and falling of his chest proved otherwise. Fortunately. Hidan wasn't keen on driving around with a corpse in his car.

_Whatever. Not my problem._ , he thought. Or at least that's what he was pretending to think.  _I'll be so glad when this shitshow is finally over._

But before he could dwell on that thought any longer he spotted the gas station and made a right tun to leave the highway. Parking his jeep, he wondered if it was okay to just leave Sasori like that but he probably wouldn't wake up anytime soon. However, just to be sure, he left the door unlocked and entered the shop, mentally cursing about caring so much and the confusion that came with it.

The line at Subway was immense and it felt like several years had passed until he was finally able to order his food and grab two Red Bulls. The only positive side was him being able to use the restroom in peace beforehand so there wouldn't be a possibility of pissing himself while waiting.

„Sooo...extra meat, extra cheese, BBQ-Sauce and...no vegetables?“, the employee asked with a low-key disgusted expression and raised an eyebrow at him. „Not even, like, some tomatoes? Onion? Pickles?“

„Do I look like someone with a damn Yelp-account? Just throw that shit in the toaster and leave me be.“, Hidan grunted in response and ran a hand through his messy hair. There was no chance to style it in the morning – he was also too tired to do it anyway – and now some of the strands were constantly falling in his face.

„Oookay, fine then. You sure you don't want anything else with it?“

„No!“

„We also have some cookies, some apples, some drinks-“

He groaned and fished his phone out of his pocket, acting like he was checking his messages. The employee took it as a direct insult and she basically slammed the door of the toaster oven shut before taking the next persons' order.

 

_You can take your stupid apples and shove it you-know-where...God, why do I have to put up with everyone's' bullshit for a fucking sandwich?!_

 

When his food was done and ready to go he was asked again if he wanted to order anything else. Hidan wanted to burn the whole place to the ground when he suddenly had an impulsive thought and said: „You know what? Yeah, fine.“

The woman beamed, seemingly proud of herself for wearing him down, but he didn't change his mind because of her.

 

 

After leaving the store he made his way back to his jeep and was surprised when he saw Sasori leaning against it with a cigarette in his hand. When he arrived an angry look was thrown his way but he ignored it, too distracted by the fact that he had taken off the rest of the make-up together with the band-aid. The only thing he seemingly didn't get rid of was the brown contact lense in his left eye. The color didn't quite match but maybe it was the only thing he had at hand right now. The injury looked just as bad as it did the day before, maybe even worse since it was still a little bright outside.

„What took you so long?“, he asked and took a deep drag of his smoke. His voice was calm but his tone was reproachful. Hidan noticed the many pacing footsteps around the car in the small layer of snow combined with five or six cigarette butts scrambled everywhere.

„Dude, chill.“, he answered while rolling his eyes and lifting his hand carrying a white plastic bag.

„I got hungry and stopped to get some food. Don't know how _that_ could've possibly pissed you off.“

„I hate waiting.“, Sasori stated and extinguished his smoke with his foot, arms crossed.

„How the hell am I supposed to know? Either way, I don't give a shit! You were asleep.“

„You still could've told me at least.“

„I did! I tried to wake you up but your ass was basically dead.“

„Tch.“

„ _Tch, Tch._ “, Hidan repeated mockingly, „If you make that stupid sound again I'll leave you here and drive home by myself. See how you get back to Iwa.“

Sasori huffed, obviously annoyed, and murmured: „Let's just keep going.“

They both got back in the jeep and Hidan began unpacking his sandwich in excitement with a growling stomach. Finally, something to get between his teeth! And something he actually liked!

„...You're not gonna sit here and eat in peace, are you?“

„What? Yeah I am!“

Sasori scoffed and was about to say something but stopped himself. With a sigh, he absently started to chip on his nails instead. His hands were slightly shaking again but Hidan couldn't exactly tell if it was out of anger or...a different kind of emotion. It was frustrating to be unable to figure out what was going on exactly. Reading people has never been a problem before and he'd consider himself rather observant when it came to notice small changes in behavior, looks, tone of voice or body language. But Reading Sasori was like reading a book in a foreign language; the words are there but you don't know what they mean.

 

 

_I can't even tell if he's angry at me right now or just always in general. How in the hell is Komushi able to properly communicate with him?! Oh yeah, right....The couple thing._

 

His insides displeasently churned at that thought as he took the first bite and for a second, swallowing became harder than normally. In an attempt to distract himself, he put his sandwich down and reached into the bag.

„Here.“

„Hm?...What's that?“

Hidan scratched the back of his neck and felt a blush creeping up on his face. He tried to hide it by inconspicuously lifting the collar of his jacket.

„I...uh...I didn't know what kind of food you like, so...“, he clumsily shoved a box of cookies and a green apple in Sasoris hands. „I just got you some other shit. Can't go wrong with sweets I guess...“

 

_This is so awkward...What am I doing?! He probably hates it and everything about me already so why am I still trying to-_

 

„I didn't ask you to. And I'm not hungry.“

 

_Aaaand here we go again with that attitude._

 

„Well e _xcuse me_ for caring-“

Realizing what he just said, he quickly stuffed his mouth with a big bite of his sandwich, swallowing the rest of the sentence down his throat.

 

_Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. What the hell was that just now..._

 

Sasori was quiet for a long time and Hidan was ready to drive off a cliff in embarrassment when the other suddenly continued talking: „I wasn't finished with what I was about to say.“

„Uuuh...okay...?“

„I'm still...“, he hesitated and sighed, „I still feel nauseous. That's why I don't want anyt-“

„You're STILL nauseous?! It has been over an hour now!“

„Yeah. I think your driving made it worse.“

„Hey, to be completely clear, I am a damn marvelous driver so don't even start talking shit about me!“

„I beg to differ.“

„Oh, really? Then beg.“

„You took a U-turn in the middle of an intersection – multiple times – missed two red lights, drove way over the speed limit and almost hit a fire hydrant.“

„Whatever. Nothing happened so it's cool.“

To his surprise, Sasori snorted at the last comment and slowly shook his head. A small grin tugged at his lips before immediately turning into a thin line and he wondered if his smiling muscles were under-developed due to his constant stoic librarian face.

„Anyways.“, Sasori continued, „My point is...“

„Is what...?“

„...Forget it, never mind.“

„Huh?! Are you kidding me? Just spit it out.“

„Hm...maybe later.“

He glanced over to him, dark, coppery eyes mustering Hidan from head to toe. Their glances met for a second and the familiar flutter in his chest reappeared, leaving him even more confused than he was before. But what startled him the most was the sudden softness in Sasoris expression. Like he was slowly but surely lowering his walls. Why that raised his heartbeat, he couldn't tell.

 

 

They spent the rest of the drive in silence. The voice of the radio host was their only company alongside the somber dusk following them like a predator would follow it's prey, efficiently hunting them down with its gaping, black mouth and glittering, white teeth.

The snow didn't stop; actually, it got worse. Big snowflakes kept falling down from the sky endlessly to a point where Hidan had to upper the windshield wipers' pace in order to properly see the road. Their protesting screeching noises rose simultaneously with the higher speed.

It was even colder in the car now due to the slightly open window to let the smoke from his cigarette escape into the night. The ashes glimmered in the darkness and small flakes scattered all over his lap. He lazily brushed them away, too tired to really bother.

„Don't miss the exit.“, Sasori suddenly said and it made him jump in surprise because he thought he fell asleep again.

„Jesus Christ, you scared the shit out of me! I think I'm more awake now than I was before.“

„You're welcome.“

„That's not what I meant- Oh, right!“

Hidan got giddy inside as he saw the snow-covered sign saying _Exit to Iwa-District in: 0,8kmh._ They left the highway and Sasori gave him directions to his apartment. His mood perked up immediately as he threw his cigarette out of the window and closed it. But a certain feeling was dampening his enthusiasm, not enormously, but it was still there; however, he wasn't able to put a finger on what it actually was.

 

_I'll be home soon. I just have to drive this sassy brat to his apartment and that'll be it. I never have to talk to this creep again...Isn't this the part where I'm supposed to be out of my fucking mind in excitement?!_

 

Irked by the weird tug in his chest, he impatiently pushed the gas pedal all the way through, hoping he could escape it and leave it behind in the night.

 

 

Sasoris flat was located in the remote area of Iwa, close to the railway station. Hidan illegally parked his jeep on one of the parking lots reserved for local residents. He could see his breath in the cold air as he got out of the vehicle and opened the trunk to give Sasori access to his duffle bag.

„I'm going to give you some gas money. Follow me.“

„Huh?“

„Just come with me. It won't take long.“

Hidan followed him, scratching the back of his head, wondering if that was the others' way of getting even. Probably. It's not like the money was undeserved or anything like that, driving to and from Suna almost completely emptied his tank. And since he was always short on cash he kind of needed it anyway. So he had every right to take it and leave; that would be the last step in this stupid goose chase he was sent on.

They walked up the stairs to the second floor and Sasori bent down to search his bag for the keys.

„Listen dude...“

„Hm? What is it?“

„You, uh...“, he couldn't believe what he was about to say, „You don't...owe me shit. I didn't do it for the money or anything like that.“

Sasori looked up to him, head slightly tilted to the side, and huffed. Then he continued his search for his keys while stating: „I involuntarily became your problem when Deidara asked you to search for me. Actually, he should be the one paying you. However, you'd have to wait at least three months to get your money. And I don't like to make people wait.“

Judging by the tone of his voice he was starting to get annoyed. He kept rummaging in the bag and checking the pockets of his jeans and hoodie.

„I'm not doing this for you but for myself. I don't want to owe anybody a favor.“

„Hey, you were the one who said it wasn't your problem at all in the first place!“

„Tch. I know.“

„Eh?! I don't fucking get you!“

„You don't have to. Just take the sixty bucks, that should be enough to fill your tank. Oh, and...“,

he stopped searching and looked up to him again, „Forget about everything. Trust me, it'll save you a lot of nerves. It's for the best for both of us.“

 

_What the hell? How am I supposed to forget a single thing that happened this weekend?_

 

„Wow.“, Hidan deadpanned, „What a high opinion you have of me. You really think I'm some egoistic asshole?!“

„...Why do you care what I think about you?“

That was a very good question and he felt like he just got check-mated. Scoffing and turning his heated head away to avoid his glance he fumbled on his jackets' zipper, blurting: „As if I give a flying crap about wha-“

He got silent as he noticed Sasoris wide eyes and pale face. He muttered a curse, kicked his bag before turning away and sitting down on the stairs, rubbing his forehead with his fingers.

„Eh...Oi dude, what are you doi-“

„My keys.“

„Ugh, can you be a little more precise? What about those stupid keys?“

„I left them at Komushis place. And my wallet, too.“

„Seriously?! Well, damn. Let me guess, you don't have a spare one, do you?“

„I do, but-“

„Then go ahead and get it! I'm tired as fuck!“

„-Saburo has it.“

 

_Oh._

 

It seemed like the harder Hidan was trying to be nice the worse he got at it. Now he really sounded like an egoistic asshole and he bit his tongue to keep himself from saying even more insensitive shit. He looked at the thin figure sitting on the stairs, hunched over, chipping on his nails and quietly sighing in a frustrated manner.

„Uuhh..so...“

„You can leave now.“

„Huh? Why?!“

„Obviously, I can't pay you at the moment.“

„Yeah, I get it, I'm not that dumb!“

„Well leave then.“

„Fuckin- fine, whatever. And what are you going to do?“

Sasori slowly got back up and shoved his hands in his pockets. „I still have some change left. There's a phone booth nearby. I guess I have to call Deidara after all.“, he carefully touched his left eye and his jaw tensed for a second, „But this is none of your business anymore. You can stop pretending, not that you ever had to.“

„Pretending? You believe I did all of this for you and I was _pretending_? Do I look like someone who has the patience to do this for so long?!“, Hidan snapped at him and spread his arms out in disbelief.

„You know what? I'm outta here.“

Angrily, he kicked against the wall next to the door and stomped down the stairs to his jeep. He didn't listen if Sasori called after him or not but he decided that the sooner they were out of each others' lifes the better. After all, he made him feel things he wasn't supposed to feel, made him do things he'd never do for any other stranger. He was unsure if that was just his sympathy going crazy for a while. Speaking of, he never thought he had that much of it in the first place. Not only did it bother him, but he was also surprised at the sudden change in behavior he was ready to make for the sake for a person he barely knew.

Hidan unlocked his jeep and basically ripped the door open, kicking the many empty plastic bottles laying on the ground out of his way. Upon noticing the food he had bought for the other still laying on the passenger seat, he grabbed the items and got out of his car to throw them in the trash, but when he suddenly saw another vehicle coming to a halt a few parking spots away his boiling blood cooled down and immediately froze. It was the black limousine from the news report.

 

_Shit. What is that son of a bitch doing here?! I have to warn Sas-_

 

He put the thought on a abrupt hold, slowly backing away to his jeep to avoid getting seen. Sasori told him to stay out of his business. Nothing of this had anything to do with him, right? They can sort themselves out, it wasn't like Hidan was a counselor or something like that. The goose chase was over, finally he could head to Yu, not wasting any more time with that stupid, bitchy brat.

Carefully watching said son of a bitch getting out of the limousine, a similar feeling of his insides getting crushed by a hydraulic press overwhelmed him. Saburo Kaze threw a cigarette butt on the ground and stomped it with his shoe, readjusting the collars of his suits' sleeves. He leaned down to the driver and murmured something to him, then slowly walked over to Sasoris apartment, spare key already in his hand.

He got so sick of seeing his face, he had the urge to throw up his sandwich. He remembered the black eye, blood on a white T-shirt like red paint on a canvas, four stitches just above the cheekbone.

„Oi, fuckface!“

Saburo turned around, a confused eyebrow risen, hand cautiously shoving the key back into his pocket.

„Can I hel- oh, look what the snow brought in.“, his face filled with disgust as he kept talking, „a dirty, homeless dog searching for leftovers.“

Hidan stomped over to him, fists still bruised from the bar fight but determined and itching to punch the living shit out of him when he noticed how the mans' hand quickly moved to his right hip and before he knew what was happening, a loud gun shot echoed through the streets and made his ears ring. For a split moment, Hidan thought that he literally just got shot. But there was no burning, painful sensation anywhere on his body and when he opened his eyes he realized that Saburo didn't aim at him but at the grass before his feet.

„Last time you caught me off guard.“, Saburo mused, voice colder and sharper than the winter air around them, „That was completely on me, I have to admit. But did you really think scum like you is actually able to harm me in any way?“

It took him a short while to come back to his senses. His blood felt colder than the molten snow seeping into his shoes and wetting his socks. A shiver ran down his spine upon realizing what just happened but he had no time to think about what he was supposed to say or do because Sasori entered the scene, positioning himself right in front of Saburo; right in front of the small, silver handgun.

„Leave.“

For a second it appeared like Hidan was about witness a murder. The weapon hovered in the air just like the hand holding it; but instead of hearing another shot and seeing blood, the weapon was swiftly shoved away. However, Saburos voice wasn't a replacement worth admiring.

„Interesting. So you _do_ want do die after all, love?“

„As if you'd have the balls to actually do it.“, Sasori quietly spat back at him. „I wouldn't be here now anymore, would I?“

A dry, amused laughter followed by a small 'Tsk'.

„Hm. Touché. You know me so well. I'm flattered.“

„It's not hard to read a coward.“

The mans' face darkened at that statement. He slowly stepped closer to Sasori, frowning and with furrowed eyebrows. But the other didn't back away. He just calmly stood there, hands in his pockets, not moving an inch, even when Saburo suddenly moved his arm – Hidan thought he was going to punch him again – and dropped a small key on the ground. The snow dampened the jingling sound of metal hitting asphalt.

„I'll be waiting, love.“

And with that he left, walking back to his limousine, whistling a strange, off-key melody. „Oh, another thing.“, he turned his attention to Hidan, glancing at him over his shoulder, „Next time, I won't miss.“

 

 

 

 

„What happened to your ear?“

His shoulders immediately rose and the tension inside his chest was almost suffocating. Hidan scoffed and backed away from the blond boy standing next to him.

„Fuck off.“

„Hey, what's your deal?! I just asked you a question.“

It was lunch break and the schoolyard was full of children eating, chatting or just stupidly running around screaming. Hidan certainly hasn't missed all that noise. It was his first day back in school since his suspension two weeks ago and he already wanted to leave. But on the contrary, maybe it was better to be here than to be home.

„Oh no, did I hurt your feelings? Boo hoo. Better go home and cry to mommy.“

The blond boy sighed and rolled his eyes. Something was telling Hidan that he wouldn't let him off the hook so easily. That guy has been annoying the hell out of him lately but no matter how rude he got, it appeared to be useless.

„I can't. I don't have a mom.“

 

_Huh?_

 

„Well then-“

„I don't have a dad either. So don't even start, dumbass.“

„Hey, what did you just call me?!“

A white, toothy grin showed that the boy was messing with him. However, Hidan couldn't help but wonder if he was lying to get sympathy or if he was being honest.

„Err...So who do you live with then?“

„My uncle. He's cool.“

„Oh.“

„Yeah.“

The bell shrilled and a mob of complaining students slowly began to head back inside for their next lessons. Hidan watched the school ground getting less and less crowded while absently scratching at the scabs on his left ear. He was actually supposed to wear a bandage but it was bothering him all the time so he would always rip it off as soon as he'd get on the bus, no matter how hard his mom worked to make it feel comfortable.

„Don't scratch it, it'll get infected!“

„Ouch- hey, what the hell?!“

He got his hand smacked away by the annoying pest next to him in a dark blue jacket, slightly ripped jeans and a stern look on his face.

„Jeez, you're such an idiot. Come on, don't stand around like a pole, we gotta head back inside!“

And with that the blond strutted away, his long hair pulled into a pony tail bouncing up and down.

At first, Hidan didn't move an inch and glared at this back instead. But as soon as the other turned around and mockingly stuck his tongue out, he ran after him without any hesitation. He'd never admit it, but it felt incredibly great to just laugh and forget all his worries for a short moment.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Well, not quite. I'm still at the hospital and I'm gonna stay here way longer than expected. But I have boredom and free wifi, so here ya go! Sorry I kept you guys waiting for so long. This chapter is not as long as the other ones, unfortunately, but this is everything I was able to squeeze out of my half-dead brain. Don't get me wrong, I love writing this fic, but sometimes life just gets in the way, as always.  
> You're probably wondering why I gave Hidan such a generic last name. The answer is: I don't know. It just felt right so I went along with it. I didn't want it to be anything special or boogie (is that how you write it) so yeah.  
> I really hope you enjoyed it and I'd like to know your opinion on this chapter. I worked hard on it and it has been hanging around in my folder for way too long but I was unsure because of the length. Anyways. Thank you so much for taking the time. I already started to work on chapter 7 by the way so yaaaay 
> 
> Song list:  
> Chapter one: Leonard Cohen - Chelsea Hotel Nr. 2  
> (Chapter two: I don't remember, unfortunately...)  
> Chapter three: Nothing, Nowhere. - letdown  
> Chapter four: Sting - Shape of my heart  
> Chapter five: Alicia Keys - Fallin  
> Chapter six: Big Mama Thornton - Mixed up feeling


	7. You Make Me Forget About

At the beginning, their relationship was strictly sexual. Neither of them wanted or needed to take it to the next level and it was more convenient to tip-toe around the question of what they really were.

The first time they met was by pure accident; or at least, that's what Hidan would call it. He didn't believe in things such as fate, destiny or other terms like that. So when he first laid eyes on a man named Kakuzu he didn't think much of it. It hadn't been like in those mushy romance movies where the protagonist meets their person of interest and immediately develops a huge crush and constantly watches them with heart-shaped eyes.

Hidan had been sitting at the bus stop and watching the fireworks in the night sky explode into a shimmering palette of colors. He heard muffled screams and laughs from the house behind him, people excitedly yelling: _Happy new year 2016!!_ but it sounded slurred and chaotic. His former classmate Zetsu, who went out of his way to almost completely empty his (ridiculously rich) parent's bank account for alcohol, was not only celebrating the new year but his birthday as well. It was basically the same every time and never had one single guest been sober by twelve.

As much as Hidan wanted to be inside celebrating with them, a certain phone call from the hospital in Konoha had smacked him down to earth and he needed space to sort out his thoughts; even getting completely wasted had lost it's appeal.

His mother had been found by a pedestrian sleeping on a park bench, drunk beyond comprehension and dangerously cold to the touch. The doctor explained to him that she was going to be fine but if she hadn't been found who knew what would've happened.

Hidan was already used to her antics; he didn't even question how she got to Konoha in that state or what she was even planning to do there anyway – but he had to admit that the serious tone of the doctor's voice scared him. She could've also been dead now.

Hidan leaned his slightly spinning head back and exhaled deeply, enjoying how the loud booms of the fireworks made it unable to think. He heard Deidara screaming somewhere behind him and rolled his eyes with a small grin. At least one of them was having fun.

He absently scrolled through the messenger on his phone only to stop at the last conversation he had with his now ex girlfriend who dumped him just a few days ago. It hadn't hurt as much as it should have, he felt actually pretty relieved; it wasn't anything he couldn't make go away with a few drinks with his friends but it still dampened his mood and his mother's new incident had tilted everything downhill.

 

 

**From: 'I'm sorry. I know you don't care but I still am. And I shouldn't be.**

**You don't deserve it. I tried to be there for you but you never let me. Why?**

**You always act like everything is fine even though it's not.**

**Sometimes I wonder if you ever loved me. But I guess I already know the answer to that.**

 

**You can't even reply to me, can you?**

 

**Jerk**

 

**I hope you rot in hell.'**

 

 

„Excuse me.“

„Huh...?!“

Hidan jerked out of his personal bubble and quickly jammed the phone back in his pocket. Upon looking up he noticed a tired looking man with crossed arms staring down on him. He nodded towards Zetsu's place.

„Is this your house?“

„Errr...“, he turned his head around and watched a party guest stumble into the yard and throw up in a bush.

„...Nope.“

The man sighed and scratched at the stubble of his chin. He seemed to be a little older, maybe in his thirties. Strands of dark-brown hair were hanging in his face and he angrily brushed them away. „Unbelievable...“, he muttered to himself and walked up the small hill leading to the front door, furiously knocking on it.

Hidan automatically knew that this was his sign to leave. That guy was probably one of the many neighbors here to complain and threaten to call the police; and since this was a rich neighborhood the police would be there in the blink of an eye. By the time he was in his car driving home he had already forgotten how the man looked like. Not in his wildest dreams he would've guessed to ever meet him again – until he did.

It happened on multiple occasions whether it was on the street, in a bar, grocery stores or gas stations; Hidan almost felt like he was being stalked. The more often it happened the more it made his mind spin around that person.

And of course one thing eventually led to another. The first time they had sex was in a local bar in Iwa. Hidan had...experimented with other guys before but it had never led to anything serious. That being said, it was a genuine surprise when Kakuzu agreed to exchange numbers. They were both hesitant and clumsy at first, but as soon as it was settled that they didn't need to label things it seemed like it was okay to relax into it. And for the first few months everything appeared to be going just fine.

„Hidan!“

„What?“

A judgmental look was thrown his way. „You do realize you're with someone, right?“

The slightly drunk girl tightly wrapped around him raised her head in surprise. „Wait, really?“

Hidan groaned and rolled his eyes.

„Nah, I'm not. And keep your nose out if my business, dude.“

Deidara raised an eyebrow and grabbed his drink.

„Fine. Do whatever you want.“

„I sure fucking will!“

It was not easy for him to admit that he had feelings for Kakuzu. In fact, it was actually scary. Terrifying, if not. But they had never put labels on things. It was just sex. Besides, there was no way in hell he would actually return his feelings. He didn't even really know anything about him. Only that he'd recently gone through a rough divorce. So surely, Kakuzu was only trying to distract himself. Just like Hidan. That's all it was.

„Your friend is weird.“, the girl murmured into his neck.

„Tell me about it.“

He downed the rest of his drink and checked his phone. Still no reply.

„Hey, wanna get outta here?“

 

 

 

Apparently freezing cold temperatures weren't enough. Mother nature had also blessed the local residents with a biting, painful wind that could drill it's way even through the warmest and thickest jackets, forcing most people to stay at home and enjoy their warm fireplaces and mugs filled with hot cocoa. Hidan was not one of those people.

No, Hidan was the one who was pacing outside of his jeep at ass o'clock in the morning with a lit cigarette in his hand and dripping wet socks. His recently developed nervousness due to last night's events had prevented him from just staying in his car; he felt this continuous urge to keep moving, do something with his arms or legs, anything to satisfy this nagging need to put all the built-up anger and frustration to a good use.

Most of the snow had molten down since the heavy snowfalls they had but there were still quite a few piles and puddles here and there. Hidan was kicking around chunks of ice, letting one hit a garbage can with full force when he finally heard a familiar voice.

„Good morning!“, Ino exclaimed as she hurried towards him through the brown, slushy-like substance that was still left on the pavements. „Sorry, did you wait long?“

„'S cool. But honestly, for a second I thought you'd just let me freeze to death here.“

„Well in my defense, it's not like you gave me a lot of time to get ready!“

She was carrying a heavy, obnoxiously bright pink travel bag which looked like it was about to explode.

„Do you see this? This is a _disaster_! I just had to jam all my stuff in there. God, I don't even want to think about how horrible my clothes will look like. This is all your fault!“

„Hey, I didn't force you to come with me!“, Hidan scoffed.

„And miss out on being away from my stupid parents during the holidays? As if.“

They put the bag in the trunk (which made his own bag look embarrassingly small compared to it) and left the parking lot belonging to the apartment complex Ino lived in. The radio announced more snowfall later that day and it didn't seem like it would get warmer any time soon. Hidan silently prayed to the Lord that they wouldn't shut down the highway because if they did he'd eventually have to go back to Yu and he'd rather lie down in traffic than set another foot in that town. Not since that note his mother left him. A cold shiver ran down his spine as he thought about it and he turned up the radio volume.

„Soo...“, Ino began as they drove through Konoha's crammed, muddy streets, „Where exactly are we going? You didn't answer me yesterday. Is everything okay?“

„Uhh...Yeah, I mean...“, Hidan swallowed hard and cleared his throat, „I don't...I-“

„Wait a minute...“, she suddenly said, „Are we running away from the police?!“

„What? No!“

„I knew it! I knew this whole roadtrip thing sounded fishy! What did you do, Hidan? Did you kill someone? Oh my god you killed someone-“

„I didn't kill anyone!“

„Who was it? Where's the body?!“

„There _is_ no body! Nothing happened!!“

„Are you a serial killer? Am I your next victim? Boy, you did not think this through. What are you gonna do with my bag? Don't you even think about wearing my clothes! Pink is not your color.“

At this point he knew she was messing with him and he tried join in on the fun; however, his mind was still struggling to process yesterday's events and his execution of a serial killer persona was so poor that it made her pull a distraught face.

„Dude, seriously. What's wrong? You're acting mysterious.“

The question made him drag out a long sigh and he lit another cigarette while waiting at a red light.

He really didn't want to talk about it.

„The only mysterious thing here is that ugly hat of yours. What the fuck is up with that?“

Her long, blonde hair was Ino's whole pride and she would normally show it off to anyone, anywhere at any given chance; that was the reason she never wore hats in the first place. Hidan couldn't care less about other people's hair but the fact that she was obviously hiding something made him curious.

„I'll tell you what.“, Ino adjusted her black hat, „If you tell me what is going on with you, I'll tell you what is going on with me. Deal?“

„Ugh, do we really have to...“

„At least tell me where we're going!“

„I don't know!“

„...Huh?“

He awkwardly scratched the back of his neck and quickly glanced at her before murmuring: „I...have no fucking idea. I just wanted to...get away from here for a while. That's all.“

They both fell silent. The only thing making noise was the radio and the car's tires on the road. Some generic pop-song made a futile attempt on cheering them up but it was interrupted by the radio host warning drivers about a car accident on an intersection a few blocks away and the traffic jam resulting from it. Then it was just the music again.

„Wow.“, Ino breathed after a while. It almost felt like her voice echoed through the jeep. „What happened yesterday after I left?“

Hidan didn't know how to answer that – he knew he had to tell her eventually and he even tried to explain himself but he struggled with the words, they just wouldn't form right in his head and everything came out kind of jumbled, useless, until his brain ended up feeling like mashed potatoes.

„Oookay...“, Ino crossed her arms and a small, knowing grin formed on her face. „Let me take a really wild guess here. Does this by any means have anything to do with that red-haired guy? What was his name again?“

A wince escaped Hidan's throat as he felt a jolt of pain stab through his heart. In a defeated tone of voice he answered: „...Yeah.“

„Ouch. Sounds like you got friendzoned _hard_.“

„It's...it's not even that. I fucking wish it was. But there's...so much more bullshit that happened. I, uh...I didn't even get to tell him... And now it's too late.“

„Tell him what?“

 

_That's a good question. Tell him what? What was i even thinking?!_

 

„That I-“

„HOLD ON!“, Ino suddenly screamed and Hidan automatically hit the brakes, almost making the car behind them crash against his jeep.

„Hey, what the FUCK was that?!“, he yelled at her while shifting gears and flipping off the honking driver.

„There's a Starbucks. Can we stop there? I need coffee.“

„Seriously?!“

„Just go, you're holding up the traffic.“

„Yeah, because of you!!“

„Okay, listen.“, she adjusted her hat once more, „If we're doing this, we're gonna be on the road for a while. It's early in the morning and I need my caffeine. Even more if you're gonna tell me about that sob story of yours.“

„Sometimes I hate you so fucking much...“, he grumbled as he took a left turn to get on the parking lot. Ino's smile was the sweetest he'd ever seen.

„I know.“

They quickly grabbed coffee and then proceeded to stop at a gas station so Hidan could get some energy drinks for himself. Their trip would probably last a while and he needed to stay awake and focus on the road. After a half-an-hour banter they finally agreed to go to Kiri. Ino was surprisingly eager to see the beach and go ice-skating on one of the lakes.

„I've only been there once with my parents when I was a little kid. It was so cold, I think it was one of the coldest winters we ever had.“, she mused. „I didn't want to leave in the end. Can't believe we almost moved there. That would've been so cool.“

Meanwhile, Hidan switched lanes to get on the highway and felt an immense amount of satisfaction as he pushed the gas pedal all the way through to adjust his speed. He tried to listen to her stories, as much as his Windows 96 brain would let him, pushing away the unpleasant memories that came with Kiri. The only good thing about that place was that a friend from high school lived there, or at least used to. He wondered if maybe he'd see him again.

Kiri would be a long drive, it was even further away than Suna but right now he would practically go anywhere that was as far away from Yu as possible. And it was kind of hard for him to deny Ino's request at this point since he'd rarely seen her so giddy from genuine joy. She would usually wear some kind of poker face, hiding her true feelings on multiple occasions. Maybe they weren't so different after all.

He watched her type in the route on her cell phone while simultaneously tugging at her hat and Hidan just couldn't wait any longer.

„Can you finally tell me what the hell you did to your head?“

„Oh! Right.“, she rolled her eyes, „I totally forgot about that. Promise not laugh, okay?“

„If you say it like that I guarantee you that I'm going to laugh.“

„You're such a jerk, Hidan!“, Ino took a deep breath. „This is actually a big deal for me.“

„Fine, fine, I'll shut my trap. Now hurry up and show me!“

He expected that she had dyed it in some kind of weird color or got a bowl cut but when she pulled off the small piece of fabric he couldn't help but stare at her in disbelief with his mouth wide open, almost crashing his car in the process. Ino had shaven all her hair off.

„Holy _shit_!“, he blurted out.

„Yeah, yeah. I know.“, she grunted with a burning red face and quickly put the hat back on. „It's terrible. I look like a guy.“

„What the-, why- why did you do that?!“

„...Is it really that bad?“

„N-no, I mean...“

„You don't have to sugarcoat it. I'm a big girl, I can take it.“, Ino stated but her voice came out slightly shaky and he didn't miss her eyes starting to water a little bit.

„...Alright, listen, you know I don't give a fuck about things like that. It's really not that bad. I was just shocked, that's all.“, Hidan explained, worried that he had just fucked up everything even more.

„Oh...okay.“, Ino practically whispered and he saw her rubbing her face from the corner of his eye. He sighed. He wasn't good at this at all.

„To me...you look as beautiful as ever. With or without hair.“

At least that made her grin. She took a sip from her coffee, not saying anything for a long time before commenting: „Thanks. You know...you can be really sweet if you want to.“

That statement made his skin crawl.

„Ew, don't say that.“

„But it's true!“

„Whatever.“

„I saw you look at him. In the kitchen.“

Hidan immediately tensed at the sudden change of topic but he tried to play it cool and shrugged, hoping she'd just drop it. He wasn't sure if he was ready to talk about it yet.

„So what? I look at a lot of people.“

„Oh, come on. You know what I mean.“

When he didn't respond she added: „He looked at you too, you know.“

„...You're just reading into things.“

„I may be a dumb blonde, but I'm not blind. You can't hide things like that from a girl like me.“

The sigh leaving his lungs left him feeling like there was a heavy stone resting on his heart, pushing it down into an endless void. He had been telling himself this whole time that it was not a big deal. He had been unlucky in love before. He wasn't even sure if he could call it love. But then again, if he'd consider what he tried to do yesterday he actually and most definitely _should_ call it love. Not that it all mattered anymore. It was too late. Maybe he should've been braver or more honest. Maybe he never stood a chance at all.

„Deidara is the dumb blond here. Not you.“

„I appreciate the compliment and admire the sick burn but we both know you're changing topics on purpose.“

„I don't think I...can talk about it yet.“, Hidan hesitated, „I still don't know what to make of all this shit. It's complicated.“

„Love is never not complicated.“, Ino declared like a sophisticated philosophy major, „But I get it. Just tell me whenever you're ready. I'm not gonna forget about it though, if that's what you have hoped!“

„No, I know you'll annoy the shit out of me until I give in. No wonder you and D. got along so well.“

„He's so funny, I really like him!“

„Ugh, yeah, I noticed. Maybe you should date him.“

„But he's not into girls, is he?“

„So what? You never know until you try.“, he joked,

„No thanks.“, she took another sip from her coffee, „His hair would make me jealous.“

Hidan mustered her and quickly reached over to pull her hat off.

„Hey! What was that?!“

„Why did you shave it?“

Ino grunted something inaudible before badly mimicking: „I'm not sure I can talk about it yet!“

„Oh come on...It's just stupid hair. What happened?“

Her face kind of fell and she sighed, running her free hand through the uneven spikes.

„...I came out to my parents on Christmas eve.“

„Y-you what?“

„Yeah...“, she shyly glanced over to him, „I...I told them I'm gay.“

 

_Now hold the fuck on._

 

„Errr...but you and me-!“, he wildly gesticulated between the two of them, „...you and my _boss_...?!?“

„I know, I know, it's completely crazy. I've officially lost my mind. That's what they told me, too.“

„Wait, hold on a sec'...you're serious? You're serious. Okay, uhh...then why date Wan? Why call me and ask me to be your fuck buddy?!“

„It's a long story. I wasn't sure about it myself. Until recently. I'm not even completely sure now...“

Hidan quickly collected himself (after the unexpected confession completely obliterated him) and scratched the back of his head.

„Well, it's a long-ass drive to Kiri. We have time.“, he gave her a grin, trying to cheer her up a little bit but that attempt imploded when he asked: „...Did your parents really call you 'crazy'?“

If Ino didn't look sad before, she sure as hell did now.

„Yeah. Well, actually they called me a lot of things.“

„Shit.“, he briefly remembered when his mother found out about him being bisexual. Not exactly the brightest day of his life. „Sorry to hear that.“

„No, it's okay. They're still my parents and I love them but...I just had to tell them. I knew that there was no use in lying to them and myself all the time. And then on Christmas....“

She paused for a brief time to drink the rest of her coffee and lower the volume of the radio, furrowing her brows and sighing as she continued talking.

„My dad owns this huge horticulture company. He has a business partner that he had planned to merge with for years. He invited him and his family to our place for dinner on the 24th. They have this son who is my age and...basically, they want us to fall in love and get married. Preferably as soon as possible.“

„Wait, what the fuck?! That's still a thing?“

„Yes. My parents are quite old-fashioned, especially my father. I know he just wants what's best for me but...I don't...want this. It's like they have my whole life already planned out for me and now I have to be a good girl and play along. Hidan, I feel so...trapped.“

She wiped her eyes again and let out a shaky breath.

„They can't force you to do this, can they? I mean come on, you're 21, there's no fucking way-“

„Trust me, my parents have their ways to get what they want. They always get what they want. We were sitting at the dinner table and my dad would constantly talk about how wonderful everything will be after putting the two companies together. It's like he had _promised_ me to the son of this guy. I tried to tell them that I wasn't ready but nobody listened to me. As if I wasn't even there. That was the moment I realized that...“, Ino hesitated and then quietly whispered: „My parents love the idea they have of me more than they love the actual me. And it hurt me so much that I got up, screamed 'I'm gay!!' and drove back home to my apartment. I shaved my head after you texted me. Kind of a drastic decision, I know. But it just...felt right.“

„...Wow. Damn.“

„Pretty stupid of me, right?“

„Huh? No.“, Hidan vehemently shook his head, „It takes a lot of balls to stand up to your family. Not everybody is strong enough to do that. Don't let these dipshits make you feel bad.“

Ino giggled and rolled her eyes at his last comment.

„Do you really think I made the right decision? By running away?“

„You're asking someone who has never made one right decision in his entire fucking life.“

„Now that sounds unrealistic but coming from you I might just believe it.“

Hidan gave her a half grin.

„See? Told ya so.“

 

 

It was already dark when they arrived in Kiri. The wind had calmed down and a few, lost looking stars were weakly shining trough the clouds.

Ino had eventually fallen asleep during the drive and Hidan had been left alone with the music and his thoughts. The question _'Do you really think I made the right decision by running away?'_ was constantly on his mind and there seemed to be no way to stop it. Wasn't he also running away? From his feelings, his responsibilities, his mother? Wasn't he, at his core, a complete coward for not facing any of these things? Understandably, the amount of relief he felt when Ino woke up was immense.

They were currently taking a break at a gas station and Ino was searching the internet for some cheap hotels. Meanwhile Hidan hated how familiar the whole place looked to him. Even though he had only been here as a child he still vaguely recalled some of the places they had passed. The memories weren't all that pleasant but anywhere was better than being home right now.

„How about this one? Look, it's not that expensive.“

Hidan thought about his almost empty bank account and pulled a face.

„Uh, I dunno...Anything else?“

„The lower the price, the sketchier those places get. This other one looked actually kinda cool but one of the reviews said: _Good for gay sex and murder_. So, yeah.“, she raised an eyebrow at him, „I don't even understand why you want us to stay at cheap places like that. Don't worry about the money, just let me pay for it.“

„No, that would be shitty.“

„Why?“

Hidan scratched the back of his head and took a deep drag from his smoke.

„I dragged you here with me, it was my idea. You shouldn't be paying.“

To be completely honest, Hidan hadn't thought about anything like that for even a second when he decided that he wanted to leave Yu. After returning home, noticing his mother's car was missing and ultimately finding her hand-written note on the kitchen table a ground-shaking panic hit him in the face like a fist and he hurriedly collected the most needed necessities and stuffed them in his bag before texting Ino and getting the hell out of his flat. He had slept in his car that night.

„Oh please, don't turn this into a pity party. Don't exclude me, this is _our_ thing now! And I'm not going to sleep in some dirty motel or your even dirtier car.“, she kicked against one of the many empty plastic bottles. „Trust me, I want to be away from my parents just as much as you want to be away from your lover-boy.“

„H-he's not my lover-boy!!“

„Yeah, sure.“

„Stop it, he really isn't!“

„The song says something different!“

„What the fuck are you talking about?!“

But instead of answering Ino started singing and dancing along to a song playing on the radio, widely grinning and inviting him to join her with vague hand movements.

„ _ City light, business nights... _ _When you require streetcar desire for higher heights_ ...Come on, sing it with me, baby! Let me hear that heartbreak!“

„Hell no. I don't even know that song!“

„Seriously? You don't know Sade?“

„Who?“

„Boo Hidan, you uncultured swine!“

„Hey go fuck yoursel-“

„ _ He's a smooth operator...smooth operator... _ “

„Will you STOP singing!!!“, he snapped at her.

„Aw come on, you're no fun!“

„Just give me the address of the hotel.“, Hidan grunted and threw his cigarette butt out the window.

„Well, the one with the gay sex is actually really close by.“, Ino stated. „But if you'd let me pay I could find us a better one.“

At the end they agreed on splitting the bill. Hidan was too proud to just let Ino pay for everything, which she completely disagreed with, and it led to a heated debate while they followed the directions of her phone's poor navigation system.

Arriving in the lobby the hotel didn't seem too shabby, it was quite modern-looking actually, like it had just been opened or renovated.

„Hey.“, Hidan greeted the receptionist, a young man with bleached white hair and snake bites, „Uh, we'd like to have a room, are you guys free?“

„With separate beds if possible, please.“, Ino added and gave him a smile. However that smile disappeared when they both noticed that the receptionist wasn't responding; he wasn't even looking at them. He was actually staring at something behind them, like there was another person standing there but they were the only two people inside the hotel.

„Errr...excuse me?“, Ino waved her hand in front of the guy's face, „Hello?“

Suddenly the man blinked, slightly shook his head and said: „Good morning. What would you like to order?“

„Uhh..I...“, Hidan stammered in confusion, „Dude, what the fuck?“

„D-do you have free rooms?“, Ino asked again.

„Oh, right. Let me just check in the back.“

The receptionist opened a dusty, yellow phone book from 2002 and flicked through it, stopped at a seemingly random page and just stared at it for a good few minutes. After that he typed something in his computer and announced with an incredibly serious look on his face: „I'm sorry Sir, we're all out. But I can offer you a free room if you're looking for one.“

They both just blankly stared at him in disbelief.

„Man, how fucking high are you right no-“

„We'd love to have a room!“, Ino exclaimed and punched Hidan in the arm. „Right?“

„Ouch! Err, yeah...“

„Alright, I'll be right back.“

The man disappeared into the back area and closed the door. They stood there for a while, dumbfounded, until Hidan suggested: „We should get the fuck outta here.“

„Are you sure? There's nothing else close by.“

„That guy is high as a kite. You really expect him to be able to find us a room? I don't even think he knows where he is right now.“

„Yeah but-“

The door opened again and the receptionist returned with a bag of chips and a roll of toilet paper. He looked at them both suspiciously before calmly asking: „Can I help you?“

Ino gave Hidan a bewildered look who just mouthed 'what the fuck' at her but before they had the chance to ask any questions a woman with red, long hair appeared behind him holding a phone to her ear.

„Yes, he's here again. Can you come and pick him up...? No, I don't know. Maybe...Okay listen, I don't care- hold on.“

She swiftly ripped the bag of chips out of the man's hand and stressed: „Suigetsu you don't work here anymore, get the fuck out!“

„Oh, hey Karin.“, the man named Suigetsu greeted her, seeming pleasantly surprised but also confused, „What are you doing here?“

„What am I doing here? What are  _ you _ doing here?!“, she snarled and returned to her phone call. „Just hurry up and come get him before I beat his ass. You have five minutes.“

And with that she slammed the phone back on it's charging station.

„Your cousin will pick you up soon. Next time it'll be the police. You hear me?!“

Meanwhile Ino tugged at Hidan's sleeve and whispered: „I think we should leave after all.“

Hidan eagerly nodded his head at that and they both started slowly backing away, hoping that the woman would be too busy scolding her ex-coworker to even notice them; but unfortunately luck wasn't on their side that day.

„Hey! You two!“, she barked, „What are you doing here? Are you his friends?“

She mustered them from head to toe and added: „You look trashy enough.“

„Hey, you wanna fucking start some shit you little-“

„No, no, no! We're not- we don't know that guy!“, Ino interfered, punched Hidan in the arm once more and hissed: „Stop it or she'll  _ actually _ call the police.“

„So what are you doing here then?“, Karin demanded to know and adjusted the pair of black reading glasses she was wearing.

„Well, um...we are looking for...this is a hotel, right?“

„Duh, obviously. Why are you even asking me that? Unless...“, she glanced between the two of them and within seconds a hit of realization drew all the color from her face.

„Oh my god.“

„Oh, that's right!“, stoner boy beamed, „Now I remember what I wanted to tell you just now. There are guests waiting who want to rent a room.“

Karin buried her face in her hands and pressed out: „Thank you, Suigetsu. That's...the most useful you've ever been.“

All of a sudden the entrance door swung open and loud footsteps could be heard behind them, followed by a half-angry, half-worried voice yelling: „There you are!“

A tall man with broad shoulders and blue-dyed hair jogged up to the reception desk and grabbed the ex-employee by his shoulder. He was panting and sweat glistened on his forehead which he clumsily wiped away with the back of his free hand.

„Suigetsu we've  _ talked _ about this, you can't keep coming here, think about your restraining order...“, he warned him to which stoner boy simply replied with: „...My what...?“

„Alright, that's enough of you.“, Karin announced.

„I am so sorry, I don't understand how-“

„Ugh, spare me with that. Just make sure he won't show up here again or-“

„Kisame?!“, Hidan, who had trouble processing the whole situation finally managed to blurt out, „Is that you?“

The man turned around and faced them, a huge, toothy grin immediately forming on his face.

„Hidan??“

They went in for a big hug right away, laughing and patting each other on the back.

„I can't believe it, dude! What are you doing here?“, Kisame asked excitedly but was interrupted by Karin ordering: „Get out of here already!I've had enough for tonight,you guys can rejoice outside.“

„She's right.“, Kisame agreed, „Come on!“

They quickly bid their goodbyes (except for Hidan who just showed her the bird) and they found themselves outside of the hotel in a span of seconds. Ino briefly introduced herself to Kisame who was quick to offer them to stay the night at his place. They grabbed their bags from Hidan's car and were on the road once again.

„You guys must be tired. Don't worry, it's not far from here.“, Kisame reassured them. He glanced over to Suigetsu through the rearview mirror who had already fallen asleep, „I guess you already met my cousin. He is staying with me for now and he's actually a decent guy most of the time! Apart from when he's high. Then he gets...weird.“

„We noticed.“, Ino laughed and watched stoner boy drool all over himself.

„But enough about me!“, Kisame disclosed, „This is crazy, Hidan. How long has it been? Months? Years?“

„Fuck, I don't know.“, Hidan absently scratched at the stubble of his chin. „Do you remember Zetsu's birthday party? New year 2016?“

„Seriously?! It has been that long already?I can't believe I forgot about that. It's gonna be 2018 soon.“, he shook his head in disbelief, „I'm sorry, I should've at least called you from time to time.“

„Hey, now don't get all sappy on me, dude. 'S cool. Don't worry about it.“

He knew his friend took education very seriously. Kisame had transferred to Iwa two or three months after himself. Because of his father's job his family had to move around a lot which led to him constantly switching schools and not being able to find a lot of friends. His height and age also worked to his disadvantage; most of the other places he'd been before made him repeat a year even though it was completely unnecessary. Therefore, when he arrived at Iwa he was a tad older and taller than some of the other kids, but at least he got into the for his age and knowledge appropriate grade, one above Hidan and Deidara. At the beginning some of the other kids tried to tease him a little bit, though it quickly became pretty clear that he was nothing but a gentle giant and as soon as he befriended his new classmates Pain and Konan, the so-called 'cool kids' who everyone secretly wanted to be friends with, most people left him alone. 

But it was only thanks to Deidara that they had developed such a close friend group. Deidara had been friends with basically the whole school; he'd talk to anyone regardless of their 'social status'. Of course not  _ everyone _ liked him, he was one of the few openly gay people after all, but he was well-respected since the last guy to call him a slur ended up with firecrackers in his pants. 

Around the time Kisame transferred to Iwa Deidara was on a mission to get one specific person to talk to him: a guy from their class called Itachi Uchia. He was a very quiet, closed-off student from a rich family who never talked to anyone and would basically spend the whole lunch break in the library. Itachi just wouldn't acknowledge his existence, let alone greet him in the hallway – which, for someone like Deidara who didn't understand 'No' as a concept, was pure torture. And it was pure bliss for Hidan who got to watch it every day.

But as soon as Kisame entered the scene, things became a little different. Only after a couple of days after his transfer Deidara spotted him talking to Itachi in the hallway. Just like that. As if it was the easiest thing in the world.

Hidan couldn't have cared less but of course he had to be dragged into any kind of drama or investigation his best friend would start. He'd pester Kisame every day and ask him 'How did you do it?!' but the other would just shrug and claim he had no idea what he was talking about. However soon the pestering would turn into casual conversations, sometimes even Itachi would contribute a thing or two. Later on Kisame would introduce them to Pain and Konan and eventually Zetsu and Tobi joined in, too (Hidan didn't even remember how, they were both just there one day). Together, they survived high school surprisingly well, even though they didn't all graduate at the same time.

If Deidara hadn't been so outgoing and stubborn, Hidan and Kisame probably would have never met. It was all thanks to his best friend that he had those people in his life. Actually, he should be thankful; but right now, thinking about Deidara only made him mad. Because yesterday was partially his fault and he just couldn't bring himself to answer the many text massages and calls he had received from him since then.

 

It was late at night and Ino had gone to bed in the guest room already. Hidan had to crash in the living room once more but he didn't mind, he was too tired to care, just wanted to enjoy an ice cold beer with his friend he hadn't seen for what felt like decades and go to sleep. They've been talking back and forth about school, their mutual friends and what they've been up to recently. Kisame was still working hard to get his major in marine biology and had a part-time job at the local aquarium. He also volunteered at a soup kitchen which is why he had to work during Christmas. Hidan revealed how he got fired from his last job (which had Kisame almost on the floor laughing) and how he and Ino got to know each other.

„Are you alright?“, Kisame suddenly asked as he returned from the fridge and threw a beer can his way, sitting down on the sofa next to him.

„What do you mean? Something wrong?“, Hidan asked him with furrowed brows as he opened the can to take an eager sip.

„I don't know, you tell me. You look kinda pissed. I mean, you always do since I can remember but your friend told me that you might have a problem.“

 

_Oh god, Seriously?_

 

„Uh...I dunno, man. Everything's fine.“, Hidan answered, trying to shift around the topic. That was way too close to the feelings department for him.

„You sure? Because she explained to me that you texted her yesterday night and offered to go on a roadtrip out of the blue. And today you've been sulking the whole time. Allegedly.“

„I wasn't sulking!!“, he defended himself.

„Okay, okay, but... _ is _ there a reason for sulking?“

Hidan groaned and ran a hand over his face. Why couldn't she just leave it alone? He huffed and took another gulp from his beer, avoiding eye contact.

When he didn't respond after a few seconds Kisame continued: „Listen dude, you don't have to. I know you don't like talking about...uh, things like that. But according to Ino it has something to do with a guy. If this is about love, maybe I can help you after all...“, he gave him a concerned look and raised his hands in defense, „Just offering. I know we haven't talked in a while...Is this about that Kakuzu guy?“

Hidan felt that familiar sting in his chest when he heard that name but it wasn't as sharp and painful as it used to be; it was more dull and seemed far away.

He leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling, glanced over to his old friend, then back at the ceiling. Finally, after some consideration, he murmured: „No, this is not about Kakuzu. He dumped me, by the way. At the beginning of the year.“

„Oh, thank god.“, Kisame blurted in relief, then added with a mortified look: „Err, I mean...I-I'm so sorry to hear that, man-“

Hidan couldn't help but snort at that.

„It's okay, you don't have to pretend that you're sorry. I know you hated him.“

Kisame let out a relieved exhale.

„I really did. He was way too old for you.“

„Yeah, yeah. Whatever. This is not about him anyway.“

„So what is it then?“

Hidan readjusted his sitting position and scratched the back of his neck. If he was going to engage in that kind of conversation there would be no turning back. Was that what he wanted? Or maybe he should keep it to himself for now. He did tell Ino that he wasn't ready yet – but then again, he only told her that so that she'd let him off the hook. However, maybe it was true after all. Maybe he wasn't ready yet.

„Shit, alright dude. If you really need to know.“

 

 

 

**From: 'We need to talk'**

 

**To: 'Huh??? Tf u want lmao'**

 

**From: 'I'm serious..**

**Can you come to my school today??'**

 

**To: 'Wait a min is this just u tryin to trick me into being ur model again??'**

 

**From: 'I wish it was...Can you come or not???'**

 

**From: 'Hidan :-/'**

 

**To: 'Yea yea fine Ill be there after work ffs**

**Can u at least tell me whats going on?!'**

 

**From: 'gtg, I have class, text me when you're there ok?'**

 

 

Even hours later Hidan still had an unsettling feeling sitting in his stomach. Slamming the door of his jeep shut, he sent Deidara a quick text and slowly walked up the stairs leading to the main entrance.

He was a little embarrassed by how quick his brain was to wonder if Sasori would be there. He hadn't seen him since the incidents in Suna, approximately two weeks ago and Hidan would be lying if he claimed that he hadn't been on his mind almost every single day since then. It was mostly worry that kept him awake at night, speculating how Sasori was doing, if his eye had gotten any better. If he was back together with that snobby asshole...If the connection that he had felt was mutual.

 

**To: 'Im here bitch which room do i go to'**

 

**From: 'The one from last time, remember?'**

 

_He's acting so serious. What the hell is going on?_

 

Hidan quickly arrived at the designated room only to find out it was locked. He rattled the door handle a couple of times but there was no use.

 

**To: 'Its locked wtf**

**Where are u??!!'**

 

**From: 'Aaahh shoot my jacket is in there DX'**

 

**To: 'Huh????'**

 

**From: 'I wanted you to pick up my jacket from school and bring it to me**

**I forgot it yesterday :-('**

 

**To: 'Are u FUCKING KIDDING ME?!'**

 

**From: 'I didn't think the room would be locked!! They usually never lock it that early :-/'**

 

**To: 'Deidara u stupid punk bitch u lied to me im going to kill u'**

 

**From: 'sowwyyy :'-( :'-('**

 

**To: 'God i hate u so much'**

 

Fuming with rage and the feeling of utter betrayal Hidan vigorously kicked against the door, swearing under his breath and imagining how exactly he would kick Deidara's ass when suddenly a familiar voice made him jump in surprise:

„You really need to stop kicking things around here.“

He turned around, almost loosing balance in the process, and sucked in a deep breath through his teeth.

„Oh, uhh...hey.“

Sasori slightly tilted his head, raised an eyebrow and calmly asked: „What are you doing here?“

„Errr...“, Hidan swallowed nervously, unsure what to answer, „Deidara tricked me again into doing something he's too lazy to do. Damn asshole.“

„Hm. Can't say I'm surprised.“

„...And what are you doing here?“

„I go to school here, obviously.“

 

_Oh great, again with that cold attitude- hold on._

 

He quickly put that thought on hold. Wasn't Sasori the one who basically told him to stay out of his life? That it was better for him to forget everything that happened in Suna? Didn't he almost get shot by his so-called bastard 'boyfriend'? If that's even what he was to him anymore. But that shouldn't concern him at all. He shouldn't care. If anything, he should be mad instead. However, he could still feel that strong connection pulling him in, making his chest cramp in a nearly painful manner.

„Well, no shit, Sherlock.“, Hidan deadpanned and gave him a half-grin. He actually wanted to add another witty remark, something about this situation being some kind of déjà vu, but his words somehow got stuck in his throat.

„I'm...here to work on my paintings.“

„But the room's locked?“

„Not if you have a key.“

And with that Sasori quickly unlocked the door and strolled inside – with Hidan instinctively following him.

„You got it from one of your profs?“

„Yeah, he lent it to me one time. I had a copy made so this one's mine.“

„Seriously?! You artists are crazy.“

Sasori made a small sound (that maybe could be interpreted as a laugh) in response.

„Trust me, I know.“

Hidan watched him drop his bag on the floor and grab out his utensils as he stood leaning against the door frame, not sure if he should keep talking to him or leave. There were still so many questions yet to be answered, so many things that he had left unsaid because he saw himself unfit to be the one speaking them out. Still his loudly beating heart and his slightly sweaty palms practically begged him to.

„How's your eye?“, he blurted out and instantly bit his tongue.

 

_Shit, was that the only thing I could've come up with? Maybe something not necessarily linked to trauma?!_

 

Sasori abruptly stopped what he was doing and glanced over to him with a suspicious look.

„It's...doing fine, actually. I had the stitches removed a couple of days ago. And I don't have to wear the contact lens anymore.“

„Hey, that's good to hear. Really.“, Hidan remarked, feeling genuinely happy and relieved that he just didn't completely fuck it up.

„Yes...but I still have to cover up the bruise with Komushi's make-up a little bit-“

„Hold on, hold on,  _ hold on _ ...!“, he interrupted with furrowed eyebrows, „ _ Komushi's _ make-up?“

Sasori, surprisingly, slightly grinned at that.

„Indeed. He used to be obsessed with everything about theater and would go to several evening classes after work...he'd often drag me along. The make-up they use has good coverage, that's why he gave it to me.“

„Really? Holy fuck, that's hilarious! It suits him though.“

„It was embarrassing for the most part. But...“, he hesitated and absently scratched at some dried paint on a brush, lost in thought.

„It meant a lot to him that you were there. So you went anyways.“, Hidan finished the sentence for him.

„...Yeah.“

He felt like this was a very intimate kind of information he just received. It honestly shocked him that Sasori would even look at him, let alone engage in a casual conversation. Last time they talked he wanted him out of his life and now he was sharing details about his past? This guy didn't fully resemble the person he had met before.

„So how exactly did Deidara get you to come here? What did he even want from you? He's not here today, he told me he's sick.“

„That son of a bitch...“, Hidan grumbled and rolled his eyes, „He acted all mysterious, told me that he needed to talk to me and all that. I literally thought someone died. And then I get my ass here after work and what does he tell me? To get his stupid jacket!“

„Typical.“, Sasori shook his head. „But that's one of his oldest tricks. You've been friends for so long, can't you tell by now when he's messing with you?“

„That's the thing! He's so convincing when he does it.“

„He is, I have to give him that.“

Their conversation dried down and was replaced by an awkward silence. Hidan wasn't sure if he should maybe drive over to Deidara's place, kick him in the nuts and finally go home but his foolish heart made him want to stay a little bit longer. He didn't want this to end. As hard as it was to admit, he could keep talking to him forever.

Hidan spotted his friend's jacket lying on a window ledge across the room and he slowly made his way over there to grab it, secretly watching Sasori from the corner of his eye. He saw him uncovering a frame from a faded, yellowish clothing and immediately stopped half-way.

„Aren't you doing painting, not photography?“, he asked perplexed and mustered the picture of a half-withered sunflower on a white background. A small smile quickly appeared (and disappeared) on the other's face before he answered:

„I take that as a compliment.“

„Huh? What do you mean?“

„...This is an oil painting.“

„Wait a minute...“, Hidan stepped closer to the canvas and squinted at it in disbelief, „For real? Are you kidding me?!“

„No. I specify in photorealism.“

„Holy shit! That's amazing!“, he exclaimed excitedly, „Listen dude, I usually don't give a fuck about art but this is sick.“

He took an even closer look and finally noticed the precisely applied brush strokes. That must've taken forever.

„This is nothing special.“, Sasori frowned and shook his head, „Just a practice piece. It could be better.“

Hidan couldn't imagine for one second how he could possibly make it look any better. He'd seen Deidara draw before and had to admit that he was pretty good but this was on a completely different level.

„Honestly, if that's supposed to be 'just a practice piece' I don't even want to know what the real deal looks like.“

„I never would've thought you'd be so impressed.“

That sparked a question mark in Hidan's head and his heart rate rapidly increased as he inquired:

„You...thought about showing me your art before?“

Sasori froze and swiftly glanced down on his fingers while fidgeting with the yellow fabric.

„No, I'm just...surprised that you reacted that way, that's all. Deidara complains all the time about how you mock him for his sculptures.“

„That damn idiot doesn't need more people to jerk off his ego! He's good at what he does and he knows it. I just like to mess with him.“

Hidan felt his face heat up and he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck, swallowing to ease the tension in his suddenly dry throat. The way he reacted just  _ had _ to mean something. Right? Or maybe he was reading too much into this but...At the beginning it was just that weird, undefined attraction; now he actually had to mentally restrain himself from reaching out to him and running a thumb over the place the stitches used to be. The make-up covered the bruise well but knowing it was still there hurt him more than it probably should. And the way Sasori was looking at him now riled him up even more.

„Listen...“, Hidan quietly began, „I think we-“

The loud shrill of his phone almost gave them a heart attack and he loudly cursed while 'Last Resort' blasted through the room. 

„Ah shit-“, he glanced at the display and groaned. It was Deidara, of course. Who else had a sense for calling at the worst possible moment? It completely ripped them out of their bubble and Hidan instantly noticed Sasori moving away from him, realizing how close they were standing to each other, and his heart shattered at that a little bit.

„What?!“, he barked and it came off way harsher than he intended to.

„ _ Wow. Good evening to you, too. Where are you, hm? _ “

„I'm still at your stupid school. I got your jacket, by the way.“

„ _ Really? How did you get in the room? _ “

„Errr...“

„Don't tell him I'm here.“, Sasori whispered.

Hidan covered the phone with his free hand hissed: „I'm a terrible liar! What the hell am I supposed to say?!“

„ _ Hidan? _ “, Deidara called from the other line. „ _ What's going on over there? Are you fucking someone? _ “

„What?! NO!!“

„ _ How did you get in the room? _ “

„Uhh...a teacher opened it for me.“

„ _A teacher?_ _Which one?_ “

„Err..the one with...the...glasses and-“, he ran his hand through his hair and bit his lip, „-and the...funny hat.“

„ _...Funny hat...? Who was that? _ “

Meanwhile Hidan saw Sasori covering his face with his hands.

„Y-yeah...How should I know? I don't go to school here.“

„ _ I don't recall one of the profs wearing hats... _ “, Deidara pondered, „ _ What's really going on? _ “

„N-no, I'm serious! I think they're throwing a...err...costume party...?“

„ _ Costume party? Hidan are you trying to troll me because you're mad? _ “

„Well yeah, I'm still pissed at you for making me come here!“

Actually he wasn't, by now he thought it was completely worth it but of course he couldn't tell him that.

„ _ Costume party...weird. _ “

„Yeah...Look, I don't have all day so can you just tell me why you called?!“

„ _Because I need my jacket, duh!_ _Will you bring it to me?? Pleeeeaassee...!_ “

„Fine I'll do it, just shut up you pussy. I'll be there in a couple of minutes.“

Before Hidan could hear his friend's obnoxious response he hung up and shoved his phone back in his pocket.

„Sorry, I uh...I gotta go or Deidara will probably jump off a cliff.“

„He's really keen on getting that jacket back, huh.“

The distance between them felt cold. Hidan wanted them to be closer again but it seemed like life only had so much joyful time to give.

„I guess I'll see you around, then.“, he stated as he grabbed the jacket and walked towards the door. He was actually tempted to give him his number but the time and place felt wrong all of a sudden, as if the phone call had disturbed the silence too much.

Sasori had already one earbud in and was tapping around on an old MP3-Player like nothing happened. Well indeed, nothing did happen, but seeing him building up his walls again was still difficult to watch.

„Yeah.“, he answered and nodded at him in response.

Hidan would give anything to be able to pull him into a hug but he knew that would be completely over the top.

As he sat down in his jeep and started the engine he attempted to avoid staring at the school while driving to his friend's place. It was futile.

 

Apparently, Deidara  _ had _ something to talk about. But it was not a dead person case like Hidan suspected, no. It was even more horrendous – he invited him to spend Christmas with his family. And before he had the chance to wrap his head around it the most dreadful holiday of the year arrived and the districts were covered with cheesy, almost embarrassing looking decorations and low-key creepy men dressed as Santa. Heavy snowfalls turned the streets into literal contraptions of death and there were days where Hidan simply couldn't get to work because it was too dangerous. That, and the fact that Konan wanted to take some time off during the holidays made her decide to close down the shop and re-open at the beginning of January. 

Hidan had always hated Christmas but at least this year he was granted some mercy. He had hoped that the only things he'd have to worry about were shoveling the front yard and paying his bills; however, his best friend had other plans and  _ no one _ had ever been able to escape his clingy grip so why even try?

He actually got really excited when Deidara told him about it. His past holidays with his own family hadn't been the brightest; it was either with his father ending up getting drunk or violent – and after he left it was his mother who followed into her husband's footsteps. She would always throw a huge fit when he'd announce he'd like to spend Christmas at a friend's place and managed to guilt-trip him into staying at home with her at the end. Every. Single. Time.

But now that she was gone, hanging around god-knows-where, for the first time in his life Hidan had the chance to do something else besides holding his mom's hair while she'd puke into the toilet. Now, if that wasn't a big life upgrade.

 

**From: 'Are you awake??'**

 

**To: '….....no'**

 

**From: 'I called you 3 different times, why didn't you pick up?? :-/'**

 

**To: 'Why are you even calling me im in your house dumbass'**

 

**From: 'Come downstairs!!!! I'm bored'**

 

**To: 'no'**

 

**From: 'Come ooooooooon'**

 

**To: 'Ugh fine gimme a sec'**

 

Still tired and groggy from sleep, Hidan slowly rose from the guest bed and threw the blanket back, rubbing his face with his hands. According to his phone it was only 7:30 am and he instantly regretted staying over at a family full of early birds.

Yesterday, on the 24 th , it was only him and Deidara. Mr. Kitsuchi was out of town and Kurotsuchi was having dinner at her boyfriend's place. They made a wacky attempt on several Christmas foods but were both too lazy and unskilled to follow through with any of the recipes the internet provided them with. At the end Deidara decided on simply getting take-out and forced Hidan to watch all of the 'Home Alone' movies followed by several Christmas specials from different TV shows.

However, today the whole family would be there and he wasn't sure if he was in the mood to see them again. Kuro would probably annoy the living hell out of him and Mr. Kitsuchi...well, last time he talked to him was after his mother left and he needed someone to show him how to pay bills and all that stuff while she was gone. That man used to be his mother's best friend – Hidan feared that he'd bring her up and ask him if he'd heard anything from her recently. And he really,  _ really _ didn't want that to happen. 

And fortunately, it didn't have to. At least not for now. As it turned out Kuro was still at her boyfriend's house and Mr. Kitsuchi was at the pottery working on a special order he had received yesterday. He'd be back later but for now it would only be the two of them which sounded absolutely amazing; until Deidara mentioned that his uncle asked them to cook again.

They dragged themselves into the kitchen eventually, made a half-assed attempt to clean up yesterday's mess and placed Mr. Kitsuchi's 'prized' (his own words) pre-made casserole into the oven. Hidan was just about done with his cigarette when suddenly his phone buzzed. He pressed the butt into the balcony's ashtray and fished the device out of his pocket, wondering who the hell it could be.

 

 

**From: 'Thanks for the invitation! \^.^/**

**I'll be there in a couple of hours or so**

**Actually need some space from my folks...how did you know?'**

 

 

_Ino? What the hell is she talking about?_

 

 

**To: 'what invitation wtf'**

 

**From: '(☉_☉)**

**That friend of yours? Deidara? He just invited me over'**

 

 

Of course. Hidan stomped downstairs and found Deidara leisuring around on the living room couch.

„Dude, what the fuck?!“

„Hm?“

„Why the hell did you invite Ino? How did you even get her number?!“

Deidara simply grinned at him and raised his phone. „I messaged her on Facebook. Aw come on, don't make that face. You guys need to finally make it official!“

„'Official'? What are you talking about?“

„Oh please, don't play dumb with me. I know you like her!“, his friend's smile grew even wider, „Just make sure not to have sex in my uncle's bedroom-“

„We're not going to have sex _anywhere_!!“

„How boring.“

„Seriously?!“

Deidara huffed and rolled his eyes. „Alright, calm down drama queen. No need to get so riled up about it. I thought the more people the better and she seems like a nice girl!“

Hidan groaned and considered throttling him with his bare hands.

„Why didn't you just tell me? Don't go about doing things behind my back you sleazy fucker.“

„Because you would've said no! I'm just trying to help you spice up your love life, you should be grateful!“

„Oh, so suddenly _I'm_ the one in the wrong?“

His best friend stopped and considered it for a while.

„Hm...Yeah, basically.“

„Fuck you.“

He wasn't sure how to feel about it. Him and Ino have been on quite good terms for a while now and he started to enjoy her company more and more. And it was not even because of the sex – whenever they'd go to the _Trash_ or any other night club they wouldn't even think about sleeping with each other anymore, they'd both leave with a different partner at the end of the night. And Hidan honestly didn't mind, not since certain events made him dream inappropriately about someone else instead.

He still worried about it being awkward having her here but those worries dissolved into thin air as soon as she arrived a couple of hours later. Ino could've easily been Deidara's long lost twin. The amount of joy and laughter they radiated almost made him puke but on the more positive side he got to watch TV for the rest of the day while his friends apparently decided to lead a war against the kitchen. He heard all different kinds of utensils hitting the ground, some of them audibly breaking in half and long, thoughtful debates about hair products. It was borderline stereotypical; the gay guy and the white girl.

Hidan ignored their occasional attempts to make him join in on the 'fun' and also refused to tag along when they went out to get some more 'ingredients' at the gas station. He suspected said 'ingredients' were booze.

„Just don't forget to take the cake out of the oven in 30 minutes!“, Deidara called from the front door, then they were gone and Hidan was left alone with a Christmas special from 'The Office' and some ugly looking pastry he couldn't care less about.

Just as he had settled down on the sofa in a more comfortable position with a bag of chips in his lap the doorbell shrilled through the house. With a frustrated groan and cursing under his breath he made his way to the door, expecting it to be Deidara who probably forgot his wallet or something like that.

„Dude, you're getting on my fucking nerves today-“

But it wasn't Deidara standing in front of him, nor was it Ino, not even Mr. Kitsuchi himself. Hidan sucked in the air through his teeth and felt his heart drop in his pants immediately.

„Err- hey, you here...?“

If Sasori was surprised to see him as well he didn't show it. His face was carrying the usual stoic-librarian-expression but for a split second his lips seemed to tug upwards.

„Let me guess. Deidara didn't tell you we would come?“

 

_'We'?_

 

In the same second he was hit with an unstoppable force loudly screaming his name and making him stumble back into the house, tripping and almost falling over the carpet.

„Hidan!!! I can't believe it, it's been so long! How are you doing?!“

„K-Komushi?! Oi, let me- argh, let the fuck go of me!!“

Komushi gave him a strong, affectionate squeeze for good measure and released him from his _Boa constrictor_ grip.

„I missed you, dude! You never replied to my messages, how come?“

„Uhh...“, Hidan scratched the back of his head while slowly moving out of the way so that they both could enter, hoping to come up with a simple excuse but he had never been good at lying. „You know, 's just...I've, uh, been-“

„Komushi stop it, you're being creepy again.“, Sasori interrupted and slightly elbowed him.

„Oh yeah, right. Sorry. I'm just so excited, I didn't expect you to be here!!“

He gave him a huge grin while gingerly pulling off his boots.

„...Neither did I...“, Hidan murmured, lost in thought. He was unable to process that Sasori was standing right in front of him, calmly unbuttoning his jacket while rolling his eyes at something his ex was babbling on about.

„...And I thought, why the heck not? My mom's working today anyway so I decided to tag along.“, he finished his story, „So yeah, here I am!“

„Cool...“, Hidan managed to press out while leading them into the living room, suddenly itching for a cigarette. He hoped that whatever he was talking about wasn't important. The slight headache he had felt yesterday evening was returning much stronger than he would have expected and Komushi's obnoxious volume of storytelling wasn't helping. He had been laying in bed wide awake long after the movie marathon had ended. Crippling anxiety and intrusive thoughts about his past and his mother tortured his tired body and spinning mind, making sleep an unreachable goal.

What if she called him? What if she was at home waiting for him? What was she doing in Yu for so long anyways and why hadn't he seen her anywhere at all?

And additional to that he would have to endure Kuro and Mr. Kitsuchi later at some point. He had told Deidara that he would stay with them until tomorrow but now he wasn't so sure about that. All he wanted to do right now was to grab his clothes and quietly disappear somewhere, no matter how much Sasori's presence was pulling him in.

He felt his temples starting to pulse and he briefly told them to make themselves at home before grabbing his pack of Marlboro's and quickly making his way to the balcony. The fresh air and cold floor grounded him slightly, though the cigarette smoke burned his throat. He knew he was starting to get irritated not only at himself for acting so pathetic but also at Deidara for not telling him the truth. Again. He absently kept shoving small piles of snow on the railing down into the back yard and was so preoccupied with it that he didn't hear the balcony door opening.

„If you want to be alone, just say so.“

Hidan jerked out of his thoughts and glances over to Sasori who was looking at him with yet another unreadable expression, unlit cigarette in his mouth.

„Huh, what? No, 's cool....“, he furrowed his brows, „What makes you think that?“

Sasori simply shrugged in response as he lit his smoke and took a deep drag.

„I just asked you if you're okay with company but you didn't respond.“

 

_He did?_

 

„Really?“, he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck, „Sorry, didn't hear ya. I was uh...lost in thought.“

„I figured.“

Silence settled between them yet again, a familiar kind of silence Hidan didn't like at all. He wanted them to be back in their bubble just like at the school but the timing felt wrong and Sasori didn't seem like he was in good spirits either. He secretly mustered him when the other wasn't looking; he was pale and appeared thinner than he remembered, not to mention the dark bags under his eyes speaking volumes despite his calm, collected behavior. Hidan instinctively wanted to inquire if something happened but didn't get the chance to because he faintly heard Deidara's voice coming from outside and a sudden realization hit him straight in the face.

 

_Shit._

 

He completely forgot about the cake.

It wasn't just a little too brown when he took it out of the oven, no. It was pitch black and looked like coal, almost unrecognizable. Of course Deidara and Ino weren't exactly pleased when they found out and Hidan was ordered to bake the cake again while everyone else was hanging out in the living room. Normally he'd simply flip them off but it was actually quite nice to be left alone for a while and his headache was now barely noticeable. Even though Mr. Kitsuchi's hand-written recipe was very hard to decipher and looked like it was written 30 years ago he still preferred that over the loud antics from the living room. As he was struggling to open a new package of flour to the point he tried to rip it open with his teeth a voice suddenly said:

„I wouldn't do that if I were you.“

Hidan gave Sasori a bewildered look, package between his teeth.

„Huh? Ffhy nofft?“

The other raised an eyebrow at him with a clearly amused look on his face that took Hidan aback and he feared that his fast beating heart could be heard through his ribcage.

„You'll make a huge mess. Use scissors instead.“

Hidan released the package and scoffed.

„As if I didn't already try that. I can't find anything in this stupid house, every drawer is just full of shit.“

„That's Deidara's family for you.“

„Fuck this.“, Hidan grunted while stubbornly biting at it like a maniac.

„Hey, don't do that, it will ex-“

But before Sasori could finish his sentence the package ripped open and within seconds white powder covered both half of the kitchen and their faces.

„...-plode.“

„Aw fuck, what the hell? Is this some kind of bomb?“

„Great. As if this whole place isn't messy enough. Why did you do that? I told you not to.“

„I'm not exactly the type of person who's good at following directions.“, Hidan retorted.

„Shit I need a towel, I think I got flour in my eyes-“

„Here, take this.“

Sasori handed him a clean towel he found in one of the drawers while cleaning his own face with a different one and added: „...You big idiot.“

„E-excuse me?!“

„Well I'm not wrong, am I?“

„Hell yeah you are!“

Hidan looked down at himself and the floor. The now open package was lying on the ground and there was flour literally everywhere, especially on his face and clothes. He couldn't help but snort at the mess he made and when he looked at Sasori he noticed that he was slightly grinning as well.

„Shit. I guess we gotta clean that up now.“

„We?“

„You expect me to do it all by myself?!“

„It's your fault. I didn't have anything to do with that.“

„You were right there when it happened!“

„So? That doesn't change anything.“

„Yeah it does!“

„Maybe your girlfriend could help.“

„Huh? She's not my-“

„Sasori!“, Deidara suddenly called from the living room, „You coming?“

„Ha!“, Hidan exclaimed, „It's either helping me clean the kitchen or listen to Deidara talk about his stupid art. Or hair. Or whatever the hell he's talking about.“

The other rolled his eyes and huffed. After a moment of consideration he grunted:

„Fine.“

Fortunately, it didn't take too long to clean everything up and after only roughly fifteen minutes the kitchen was as good as new. They would engage in casual banter regarding whose hair had more flour in it and Hidan was glad that the tension from earlier seemed to be slowly fading away.

„Well at least my face is clean, you look like you dipped your nose in some fucking cocaine.“, he teased.

Sasori looked genuinely surprised as he wiped at his nose with his powdery hand.

„You're only making it worse.“, Hidan stated with a laugh, „Who's the big idiot now, huh?“

„Who's fault exactly is it that? And it's still you as far as I'm concerned.“

He watched him smear flour all across his face and shook his head.

„Dude, you look fucking ridiculous. Here, let me...“

Without wasting a second thought he casually reached out and carefully wiped the remaining substance away. Hidan could have sworn that he heard his breath hitch and the fact that there were some faded freckles embellishing his face only made the butterflies in his stomach go completely crazy. Sasori's skin was a little cold but weirdly smooth, like porcelain. He also noticed that he wasn't wearing any make-up anymore and the black eye appeared to be fully healed up. Slowly, he traced his thumb over the little scar just below his eye with a weird, quiet fascination.

„Does it still hurt?“, Hidan asked before his brain-to-mouth filter could stop him from doing so.

„...No.“, was Sasori's hesitant, barely audible answer. „I mean...“, he briefly locked eyes with him before lowering his gaze again with a small sigh. „Only sometimes. And...only a little.“

„That's...good to hear.“, Hidan affirmed, „Don't need that clown make-up no more, huh?“

„It was theater make-up.“

„Eh, same thing.“

That made Sasori grin. Genuinely grin. Nothing too big or expressive but it was enough.

„I guess.“

„Ahem.“

Deidara's voice almost made Hidan go into cardiac arrest and he jerked his hand away like he'd been burned.

„How's the cake going?“, his best friend asked without commenting on the scene he had just witnessed.

„Err...“

„This is your house.“, Sasori flatly stated, „You shouldn't force your guests to make the food.“

„Me and Ino made a perfectly good cake that Hidan burned!“

„Hey, in my defense I was left unsupervised!“

„You're 23 you can't use that as an excuse anymore!“, Deidara countered.

„Yeah I can, fucking watch me-“

„Guuuys~“, Ino called all of a sudden, „What's going on in there?“

Within seconds Hidan was shoved out of the kitchen.

„Better go check on your girlfriend! I'll take it from here before you burn the house down. My uncle would literally kill us both.“

„Huh? For the last fucking time she's not my-“

But before he could finish his rant Deidara shut the door in his face.

 

_What the hell was that all about?_

 

He still felt a certain kind of nervousness as he settled down on the couch between Komushi and Ino. Only barely listening to their stories, he could still feel the sensation of soft skin against his fingers. He watched Ino wildly gesticulating while telling a joke and wondered why Deidara was so eager to basically force them into a relationship. Why did he care anyway? His best friend had usually never cared about his love life mainly because he was too busy with his own. But now? A suspicious feeling surfaced in his chest telling him that his best friend was up to no good but he pushed it away hoping that it would die down, especially when later that day Ino announced that she got a call and had to leave; going by the sour expression on her face it wasn't something one could call 'pleasant'.

Hidan even wanted to ask her if everything was alright but he got busy avoiding Mr. Kitsuchi and his daughter who arrived only seconds later so instead he quietly hid away in the guest room with a self-mixed bottle of Whiskey and Coke.

 

_Fucking pathetic. Get your fucking shit together and go downstairs. It's just people. People you know. You're making yourself look like a whiny bitch._

 

He ignored the mean voice in his head and took another sip from his drink. Thoughts and memories about past Christmas celebrations with his parents kept circling back and forth in his head, forcing him to down almost the entire bottle until he was satisfied with his buzz and everything felt kind of foggy and far away. Then he clumsily collected his belongings and half-sneaked, half-stumbled to the back door, to freedom, he was almost gone when Komushi emerged from the bathroom.

„Oh, Hidan, you're leaving already?“, he noticed his wobbly stature, „Are you drunk? It's only 8pm!“

„Fuck off.“, Hidan blurted out and was on his way but a firm hand grabbed him by his arm.

„Wait, I thought...“, Komushi scratched at his nose and mustered him with a worried expression, „I thought you were with Sasori. I-I can't seem to find him. He was talking on his phone earlier and now he's disappeared. His car is gone, too. Have you seen him?“

„W-what? No, I-“

„Hey, where are you going?“

Deidara suddenly appeared, raising his eyebrows at him. „I've been looking for you everywhere! What the hell were you doing?“

„None of your business.“, Hidan snapped at him and shrugged off Komushi's hand. „I'm outta here.“

„What, why? What is it now?!“

It was too much. He didn't know how or what to answer, he hated the way his own best friend was cornering him and the way Komushi was giving him a pitiful look. Nausea started to rise in his throat and for a moment he literally thought he'd throw up.

A familiar face popped up from the living room and he was met with Mr. Kitsuchi's booming voice greeting him: „Oh, Hidan! It's good to see you, son-“

Whatever he said afterwards didn't matter because he didn't hear it. The only thing he heard was the loud slam of the door as he shut it and his uneven footsteps through the snow leading to his jeep.

 

_I need to get the fuck out of here._

 

That was the only comprehensible thing in his brain right now.

 

_I need to get the fuck out of here. I need to get the fuck out of here. I need to get the fuck out of here._

 

He hit the gas pedal way too hard and almost ran over the mailbox, he didn't care. The only thing that mattered was to get away from Deidara's house as fast as possible. Iwa's streets were crammed and muddy and the inside of his jeep was freezing cold. He didn't care.

Hidan aimlessly drove around for what felt like hours until his anxiety and nausea had settled down. Upon noticing that the alcohol was slowly wearing off he decided to drive by the next gas station to maybe get a beer or two (or five) when all of a sudden Komushi's voice appeared in his head.

 

_'He was talking on his phone earlier and now he's disappeared. His car is gone, too. Have you seen him'?_

 

No, he actually hadn't. Where could he have possibly gone to? After the whole baking incident it appeared like Sasori was purposely avoiding him. Hidan automatically thought that it was his fault, that he had gone too far and ruined the chance of developing some sort of companionship; however, maybe it didn't have anything to do with him. Maybe, hopefully, it was something else. Maybe...

Hidan swallowed the hard lump forming in his throat and made a u-turn in the middle of the street, going way over the speed limit and arrived at Sasori's flat in no time. Before he could question himself on what the actual hell he was doing he hurried up the stairs, stumbling over his untied shoelaces in the process and vigorously pressed against the doorbell with shaky fingers. He needed to talk to him. Why or about what he wasn't sure, he just had that screaming urge to see him. Make sure he was okay.

„...What are you doing here?“

Hidan stopped pacing and shoved his sweaty palms into his pockets. Sasori mustered him with an unfamiliar look, his hand curled around the doorknob.

„Err...I...I just wanted to...“

The alcohol wasn't giving him the courage he had expected it would and he nervously bit his lip.

„I...I need to talk to yo-“

„Who is it?“

That was the moment his stomach dropped. He'd recognize that voice everywhere. Cold and brisk, cutting through the silence like a sword. Hidan couldn't see him but he knew he was there.

„No one important.“, Sasori calmly answered before locking eyes with Hidan one last time. Then he whispered: „Leave.“ and shut the door.

 

_'No one important'._

 

For a while Hidan was unable to move. He didn't know what he expected to happen but it sure as hell wasn't that.

„Just the neighbors...“, he heard him add from inside.

 

_'No one important'._

 

As he arrived in Yu that sentence was still burning itself inside his ears. So they were still together. Or back together. What did it matter? It shouldn't matter.

He kicked some empty beer cans aside as he made his way into to the kitchen, throwing his bag and keys on the table. It was only then when he noticed a small piece of paper with something scribbled on it falling to the ground. At the beginning he just stared at it in his still slightly drunk stupor; eventually he picked it up and what he read made his blood freeze and his nausea return. If he didn't need to throw up before, he did now.

 

 

_Hidan,_

 

_We need to talk. I will return home soon._

 

_-Mom_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have any excuses for myself. Sorry it took me so long to update. Shoutout to everyone who is still interested in reading this story. I'd love to hear your opinion on this chapter so feel free to hit the keys! (ha ha ... that rhymed...)  
> My tumblr is youtube-error-150 if you want to send me an ask or anything like that.   
> Today's chapter title is a song called 'you make me forget about' by Sibylle Baier. If you like slow-paced, sad guitar songs you should definetly check her out.   
> Until the next chapter! (hopefully soon...)


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